Mom has been living in an assisted living facility for three years. I am increasingly disappointed with the nursing provided to this building which I found out is not even covered by the Better Business Bureau. The building is becoming increasingly dingy. However if she is released from rehab, the place will look familiar. She loves the ground floor apartment and beautiful surroundings (and having her cat).
I have also found a location five minutes from my house which is independent living, but I would have to arrange all of the nursing services to be brought in. By the time that is done, both the assisted-living, and the possible new place will be equivalent in price. I am completely overwhelmed. I had a total hysterectomy, two weeks ago. I go back to school in three weeks. I am an only child with no family. Do I bring Mom back to what is familiar, just deal with the sub-par location that makes her happy or do I do the move to the new place? I am overwhelmed. Any honest, friendly opinions would be hugely appreciated. Thank you.
Note, mom had 2 falls, a stroke, and brain bleed/neuro surgery. Some noticeable cognitive issues - sporadic. Memory care is not the level of need, but physical ‘check-ins.’
If your mom has lots of falls, has dementia (according to your profile), it doesn't sound like Independent Living is going to cut it, with only sporadic nursing services coming in.
Going back to a familiar AL with Medicare-covered home therapy and nursing sounds like a better possibility IF they are willing to readmit her.
Have you spoken to the AL about her return? You may find that they will deem her ineligible to return.
I am terribly sorry for all the physical and mental strain you are under. Please make sure that the discharge planners at rehab understand this.
Concentrate on healing. You’re as important as she is!
Also, bringing in the nursing services is a huge job when you’re recovering and going to school. Healing from a hysterectomy takes months even though you can go about your regular routine. It’s normal to feel tired and that lasts for a while.
That’s my honest opinion.
What does Mom want to do?
What is Mom's NEW care level?
How much is reasonable for you to do?
Regarding the new IL option;
- Who will be the 'Care Manager/Co-ordinator' of the services Mom needs if IL is chosen? You right?
- Is this going to increase your care-load? A little? A whole lot?
- What about staff cancelations, no-shows? Will you be the backup?
How about baby steps.
Move back to the familiar - to start. Add more home care in as Mom needs. Wait a month. Re-assess.
What's really important? The building? Or the care?
Your mother is happy where she was so she should go back for now.
Old people do not do well with change either, she has friends where she is, let her be.
There is so much more involved with nursing services than you can imagine.
Get well, put this idea on the back burner for now.
From past postsf:
"...my mom was an alcoholic, manipulative, verbally abusive woman,"
That was then.
". I am chauffeur, bill payer, recipient of all guilt-laden comments, chore-runner... you know the drill. I'm so burned out. My teaching career and daughter-duties leave me with nothing left."
And this is now (before the recent hospitalization/rehab).
How much assistance did she need (before the hospitalization/rehab)? How many days a week did you go to her AL facility? How many hours did you spend there? How far away is it? To move her to IL seems unwise. Wouldn't you spend even MORE time there than at the AL?
Find out from the Discharge Planner what kind of assistance your mother will need after leaving rehab. Do not make yourself part of the discharge plan! Make sure your mother hasn't already told the Discharge Planner that you ARE part of the plan.
The IL idea seems unwise. She will have NO assistance other than intermittent nursing services. YOU will be the caregiver. You DO NOT want that (right?)!!
I'm assuming you are her POA/HCPOA? What is her financial situation? I hope that you are not contributing anything to her living situation or upkeep!
I vote for her to continue living at the AL (provided the DP says that is sufficient; is it possible a higher level care is now needed?). I also vote for you to STEP back and stop being her stepandfetchit and chauffeur.
YOUR health matters, and things sounded dicey before your recent surgery. You cannot jeopardize your health by continuing to be so enmeshed in your mother's life. Please look out for your OWN physical, mental, and emotional health before all else!
Keep us updated!
You can always privately hire some homemaker/companion service to put in some time at her apartment in addition to what the AL already provides.
It won't cost all that much either even if you use an agency. Homemaker/companion is not CNA care. They do not do any hands-on care. The clean, prepare food, take a person out, and provide companionship hours so a person isn't alone. This might be a workable solution for your mom and I hope it is.
There are even organizations where volunteers come and put in some hours for free with the elderly. Go online and look a little. You might even find some free hours. It's worth a try.
The fact that a place is not listed on the Better Business website is of little consequence.
They still need to be Licensed by the State, they will still be inspected by the City, County for a variety of things, Food, safety etc.
You can still file complaints with the Ombudsman.
You can file complaints to the village, City, County (whoever oversees inspections) as well as the State.
I would be more inclined to return mom to the apartment where she is comfortable.
HOWEVER
If you talk to mom, since you indicate that cognition is not a problem, ask her how she feels about it and would she be happy moving or staying where she is.
when and if she needs Memory Care then she might have to be moved if the current facility can not keep her safe.
I would though, start looking for a nice Long-term care facility for Mom because of her health problems. Yes more expensive but when her money runs out, you can apply for Medicaid so make sure the LTC has Medicaid beds. Memory Cares are just a step up from an AL. Again, not skilled nursing.
What do you need to do for ur daughter?
JoAnn29
You said you're disappointed by the nursing service and yet nurses are not the appropriate people to be doing "physical check-ins". If you want someone to lay eyes on your mother, you can hire someone for much cheaper than the cost of a nurse.
Talk to the director where she has her apartment and ask who can do a daily physical check-in with your mother. Is the building dirty or just dingy?
Are they keeping her clean, feeding her and caring for her? Just because the bldg is dated does not mean it is subpar.
After you have recovered and feel well enough maybe you can find a better assisted living for the future.