If you have dementia, do you go in and out of dementia?

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If you have dementia, do you go in and out of dementia?

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Mom is 83 years old. In March, I had to move her into an RV across from me because her dementia was getting worse. When she’s around other people, she seems to carry on a decent conversation with others, but when she’s around me, it’s like she regresses into her dementia state. Is this possible? I don’t know if it’s that or is she playing me.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Cognitive Decline Dementia Behaviors

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My mother has done the same thing. I've told her doctor or nurse or etc. how confused and out of it she is only to have her answer their questions perfectly. Up to a point they can pull it together when speaking to "outsiders," meaning anyone other than their primary caregivers. But past a certain point they can no longer do that. My mother is at that point now. She does not know the date, she does not know who is president, she cannot give with certainty the address she presently is at. Two weeks ago she had a phone interview with a social worker because I'm trying to get state assistance with placing her in a facility and I listened from the next room. She was using her polite, "other" voice and laugh, was very polite but I could tell she had no idea what the correct answers were. She knew enough to know she didn't know and was making excuses for that but I could tell she's now past the point of being able to pull it together enough to give correct answers to anyone. I felt as you do and even a couple of times asked her doctor if my mother could be tricking me. There will come a day when your mother will not be able to hide her disorientation and confusion to you or anyone else.

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It's known as 'showtiming'.........when they act pretty normal in front of others and absolutely in another world in front of US. My mother is the queen of it, too, which is highly irritating and leaves me off balance. The key to showtiming is that they are relying on muscle memory to entertain their audience..........the "Hello How Are You, Don't You Look Lovely Today?" type of talk comes from that old memory. If you ask them specific questions, however, that's when they're likely to fall apart. My mother can't tell you what day it is but boy howdy, she can compliment your outfit all day long, making you think she's 'with it', and fooling you!

And yes, dementia comes and goes...........sometimes it's worse than others. My mother will have days where she's quite lucid in general, and others when she can't remember if she even went outside for fresh air 10 minutes earlier. And she's had dementia since at least 2016, in the moderate phase nowadays.

For what it's worth, my mother also plays me like a violin. That ability also comes from muscle memory, as far as I'm concerned, so the manipulation factor comes SO naturally and easily to her, that she can lie like a rug with no problem. Makes for a real picnic, doesn't it? :(

Wishing you good luck with a dreadful affliction.

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People who are no family are communicated with on a more shallow level, one that requires no deep feelings and etc. People, whether suffering from dementia, or mental illness, are almost always more able to communicate with strangers. They "confabulate" to the extent that the strangers will leave saying "I don't know WHAT LindaDT is talking about; she's perfectly NORMAL". This happens all the time.
As to dementia having good days and bad days, yes. Especially in earlier stages. All dementias differ also. For instance Alzheimer's has a steady decline without a lot of upside shifts. Whereas Lewy's dementia in earlier years can be up, down, all over the map on any given day.

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Hi, I just want to add that Dementia with Lewy Bodies, which is a type of dementia with its own hallmarks such as hallucinations, REM sleep disturbance, and Parkinsonian symptoms, is known for its sufferers having confusion and alertness that vary widely from day to day or hour to hour.

As others have said, showtiming is common among all dementias that I know of, so it could also be that your mother is a good showtimer.

My FIL has Frontotemporal Lobar Degeneration with Behavioral Disturbances, and he should be giving a Ted Talk on how to showtime.

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The symptoms of dementia can come and go but the underlying cause (disease) will worsen. Has she been diagnosed as to the cause of her dementia? Once you know the cause, you can become more informed about what you're dealing with.

Judging from your profile, your caregiving has negatively affected your marriage, and your health. Your commitment is to your family and yourself. It's time to find mom a new "home".

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Its called "showtiming". This means they are aware something is wrong with them and for a short period of time they are able to put on a good act. As their Dementia progresses they will lose that ability. Sundowning, usually late afternoon or dinnertime the symptoms of Dementia are more prevalent. They will become more confused, paranoid and possibly aggressive. So there is no in and out as such, just good days, bad days. Good moments, bad moments.

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If you have dementia, do you go in and out of dementia?

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