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This is a lot, but here is the situation. In September 2017 my father-in-law died of lung cancer. My mother-in-law started drinking a TON and showing signs she wasn’t going to be able to care for herself. I helped her figure out the financials, social security, retirement, etc., and got her bills set up on auto pay. We ultimately decided to move her in with us because basically she was going to die from drinking if we didn’t. The market was insane, we had to get rid of her RV, which we did by getting a toy hauler and rolling 10 grand into our loan, we sold her house and bought a house big enough to fit all of us. It’s in her name because at the time it just made sense (better rate, cheaper insurance, etc.) but I took money from my 401K to help buy it, and it was understood the house was ours, but we needed to do a will. My husband’s sister at the time was estranged. We moved in April 2018. A month later we had to call an ambulance because she couldn’t walk. She was drinking too much, and it was depleting her electrolytes significantly, but we didn’t really know because she was home alone a lot. His sister showed up while we were in the hospital and proceeded to complain about how messed up it was that CPS came and took her kid and her grandkids. My husband and I both had full time jobs, we had 4 kids at home and just realized we had agreed to life with an alcoholic. Fast forward a couple years, she’s still drinking, we’re still dealing but becoming worn down. She’s verbally abusive at times and openly hates my youngest because her quickly encroaching dementia has displaced years of sibling rivalry on my child, as she was a middle kid and hated the unfair to treatment she got because her younger sister was the baby. Sister-in-law pops up, supposedly newly “saved” (she’s been an addict with mental health issues and CPS involvement basically her entire adult life), but she was trying and if it was real, it’d be nice to have a break or at least validation! We help sister get a job (she’s like 44 and hasn’t had one since she was 19, is on housing and social security for mental illness) and help her start the process to get visits with her son. In 2021 Mom had apparently gotten involved in some credit card thing and Chase said she owed money. I asked an attorney who made a good point, at her age she didn’t really need credit, but because of her health and her credit issue, the money just sitting in her bank accounts needed to go. We sat her down, she chose to give each kid half because it was the inheritance anyway. I came up with the idea to take her and the family to Disneyworld to make some memories and so mom could enjoy the money too, after all it was hers! So we go, most of the money is spent on the vacation, sister spent a good chunk on attorney fees, we bought a 10-passenger van for sports and transportation for the whole family. We got back and mom asked me to just handle her finances from then on, (at her yearly Medicare check she was very obviously suffering from dementia). Shortly after my husband lost his biggest account and we were struggling. I talked to mom, and she said do what we had to. Over the next year I paid the bills with money from my job and mom’s deposits (prior everything was split; she only paid the mortgage) Sister knew and kept asking for money but wasn’t helping with mom’s care with any kind of regularity. Sister gets bariatric surgery in January and doesn’t go back to work, gets in trouble for continuing housing, is going to move in with father-in-law, and while we are gone on a sport’s weekend, she takes mom and gets POA, takes over her bank account and tells us they are selling the house. She says mom is terrified of us and told the family that we were responsible for the Chase thing and that we took her savings (leaving out that she got part of that also). Oddly the whole family is siding with sister, we aren’t allowed to see or talk to her. I’m genuinely worried about mom, and my house.

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I should also add, in 2018 I quit my job and changed careers to something I’d be able to do from home, knowing that mom was going to need someone here more and even if she got better she is on the verge of COPD and her dementia was only going to get worse. And we were 2 months behind on the mortgage, due to financial strain that was actually getting better and was going to be remedied by making double payments the next couple months because my husband had a couple new clients that he is working for and we were waiting on a check. I haven’t paid the mortgage because I don’t know what to do, but we have the money.
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southernwave Jun 2023
You need a lawyer. You don’t have anything in writing so you are in a very very bad position. GET A LAWYER tomorrow. A consult is usually free.
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You need to see an attorney because this is a gigantic freaking mess. You can only gift someone about edited: it’s $17,000 a person and $34,000 a couple that is tax free in 2023. You need to delete this and make sure you paid taxes on that money. You owe the IRS money on this gift. Your SIL too.

I’m tapping out, sorry. Everything in this post is incredibly dysfunctional. Read the IRS rules on gifting money. And then you spent it all on a vacation????? What?!?

You can likely get your money back that you put into the house, including improvements. Find all of your receipts.

Be prepared for up to a decade long court battle. Ask me how I know.

Good luck. Also PS… your sister’s kid was taken away for a reason. Stay out of that.
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Snellygirl51 Jun 2023
I paid taxes on it, I don’t know if she did. At the time our business was doing really well so yes, we did take a vacation, mostly because we wanted mom to enjoy her own money. And yeah, I agree about her son, I genuinely thought she was doing well and just helped her adult and get the ball rolling so she could see him. I’m not really concerned about the money as much as the fact that we are living in this house and moving in this housing market would be insane. And heartbreaking because we’d have to move out of the school district and my daughter is a junior in high school next year. My poor kids have just been through enough!
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Wow! This is one tangled mess, one that you need an attorney to handle.

So, if I read this correctly the home is not in your names? And you distributed money before she has died, and go to Disney? Tell me that is not true.

This will take a qualified attorney to straighten out, IMO everything has been done wrong, nothing of this makes any sense to me including putting the home in her name. That under any circumstances makes zero sense, since you were putting money into the purchase of the home and pay mortgage payments.

She is now free to sell the house right out under you.

I also cannot believe your interpretation of what the attorney supposedly told you to do with MIL's money was correct. You either didn't understand or he/she is incompetent at best.

Run don't walk to a new attorney and stop trying to make decisions without legal counsel.

Good Luck!
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Snellygirl51 Jun 2023
Ok cool, obviously I had way too much on my plate and I did things wrong. You guys are missing the point. I don’t care about the money or even the house really, we’ll figure it out, and we’ll be fine, but my mother in law is possibly being forced to live in a house with her ex husband and she has dementia. And WHY is it wrong to use money in savings to go on a family vacation??
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Undue influence, fraud and theft. That is why you need a lawyer asap. You need to go on the offensive before it goes bad for you quickly.

If your MIL is of sound mind to give all her money away (Medicaid fraud? Look back 5 years etc) then she is of sound mind to decide where she wants to live.

There is nothing you can do about it. If you think it gets bad, call adult protective services to go check on her.
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Despite the many aspects of your story and experience, the fact that the home is in MIL’s name gives her full rights to sell it at any time she chooses. If she hasn’t been declared by a doctor as having dementia and unable to make sound decisions, she can choose anything she wishes. And undue influence on her could be just as easily proven to be occurring by any relative, you and husband included. I’m sorry you’re in this mess and hope you’ll get wise legal advice on your best next steps
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Heh girl go find a nice detective or a private I someone who can really make your situation better. Have them watch your mom your house to see its all documented and evident cuz people never changed and the daughter who's running her mouth is the one you want to go it sounds like , I'd be worried to aboutt mom and of course about your home you made if you have signed receipt that you helped her pay the payments with you should be able to prove it to someone that's it was you guys who helped her not the other just saying good luck
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Glad of the great vacation to Disneyland, but now back to business.

Yes, I would be very worried about mom and her house as well. I am just a little bit worried you may have come to us a little too late for us to be of a whole lot of help in some of these decisions you have already made.

I would suggest the family take documents and deeds to an attorney. Try to get the chain of circumstances and your questions numbered and organized into very brief and clear statements by order of priority.
And very good luck to all!
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I mean, you all took her money that was for her care in her elder years, you dispensed it, took a vacation and you don’t understand why people have a problem with that?!?

You put some of your 401k money into her house, but it’s in her name, so I guess that means you gifted her that money.

You sold her RV and bought yourself a toy hauler with the money.

You used her money to pay your monthly bills.

It’s VERY possible your family is going to file police reports on you. You did some shady stuff, perhaps on accident, but you better get a full accounting of what you all did and what you paid for and from whose money because someone could end up in jail. I’m serious.

This is my last post on this topic because I don’t like a pile on.
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southernwave Jun 2023
OTOH, of your SIL didn’t pay tax on her gift money, that is tax evasion for her so….. you might have some leverage here.
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I agree you did everything wrong. Using Moms money to buy a house was ok. Giving your money to make up the difference was OK but only putting only her on the deed was a no no. You do not own the house. As said, you gave Mom a gift. Moms money should never had been split up before her death. As said, its considered a gift by IRS. Like said your allowed to gift up to a certain point tax free. After that taxes must be paid. Now that Mom has gifted money it will be hard to get her Medicaid. Medicaid does not recognise that gifting that IRS does.

This is so complex. You are going to need a lawyer to straighten all this out.
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Again, Snellygirl, you don't need the opinions of a bunch of folk on any Forum. You need an attorney to comb this out.

Wish you the best.
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