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Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Check with local skilled nursing facilities as well as home health care agencies for respite care options.
As an RN, I have found that my patients pass most of the time as if they have an agreement with God. Need family to visit, then they wait until the last family member is present. Want to spare family and friends seeing "the death scene", then they pass when everybody is out of the room. Need spiritual rites or pastoral care, then they wait until those needs are cared for.
All to say, plan your trip. Do not feel guilty about taking care of your health.
Go on your vacation. You need to live your life. Perhaps it will work out well and you will decide to have mom move there permanently , Then you can be her advocate and be a refreshed visitor.
Brendapesce: You should go on your vacation. My DH (Dear Husband) and I never took special number anniversary vacations because 'Oh, my gosh, what if my mother becomes ill?' Now mother is gone and we are too old to take these missed vacations.
Note from my past, present - and, sadly, probably future self - who has not had more than two days away from the house in four years: GO! Don’t be like me. Have a life and don’t feel guilty.
Absolutely go! I love to travel and even before my mother had dementia she called travel "wasting money" and "unsafe". LOL I recently went to Europe and for ten days I wasn't worried about being randomly shot.
Go on your vacation. You will be renewed and, ready to jump back into the caregiver role. Do not feel guilty. Tell your mother you love her and, be at peace should she die while you are away. You have done all that you can. If you do not go and get ill yourself from caregiver exhaustion, she will end up in respite care anyhow. When you return , you may have a refreshed perspective perspective on the whole situation, needs and options going forward. Go on vacation. Blessings
Absolutely go. I have the same problem but my wife (married 64 years, 4 months and 29 days) is in a program called Hospice At Home. I have 2 caretakers for here who cover her from 9:00 AM - 7:00 PM. I have the night shift. I have to have supper early or make it myself for after 7:00 PM. My daughter comes and stays with her while I take time off. I am still working in a highly tense job,, 5 days a week.
You won't be good for anything if you burn yourself out.
Make a list of routines for them. Ask if they can accommodate them. Be sure to tell them whether she can eat solids or not. How does she drink liquids...from a straw or small cup. Go enjoy your vacation.
We did the exact same thing last summer! And I was very anxious about leaving my mother as well. We were away for 10 days, out of the country. My mother did very well at the "Life Guidance" unit of the Assisted Living facility near us. The staff was wonderful and she seemed just fine when we picked her up to take her home. It was a wonderful trip away with family, which was much needed. Please take the time for yourself. You need to be both mentally and physically healthy to take care of your Mom. It is the best decision for both you and your Mom. I wish you all the best.
You need to go. Mom will be fine. Always think on the Airplane, it says put you own mask on first then help others, meaning take care of yourself so you will be more in position to help others. Please dont feel guilty, GO!
You can empathize with her if the prospect of staying in an unfamiliar place alarms her, but tell her you need her to have a safe place to stay and someone to make her meals while you are away. Don't get into a discussion about whether or not you should go if your mother protests your leaving. Her "stay-over" might be an interesting learning experience for both of you.
Hello you have a lovely time as someone said to me they had a good life and to have a holiday which you deserve is important after all we are not getting any younger ourselves and need a bit of me time, you sound like a lovely person that has always been there for your mum so to have a holiday never feel guilty enjoy!
I can imagine how you feel. I did not go on any vacations for 5+ years as I was caring for my severely limited mom who was trapped (Life Care contract at a CCRC) in a nursing home where care = institutionalized neglect.
IF she is really declining, I suggest you see if she is eligible for hospice, An in-house hospice facility might be a better choice. But a decent Assisted Living facility could be a good choice. She might enjoy it if she knows it is just temporary. And if you can afford to have someone check on her every couple of days, that might be good as well. Finally, be sure you can talk with her. If the facility has WiFi, set up an Echo Dot or Show for her and drop-in now and then.
Thank you. I know I need and deserve it, but I still feel guilty. I’m afraid something will happen while I’m gone, but I’m trying to have faith and enjoy my vacation.
Please stop with the struggling and just go and have a great time! You matter in this equation as well you know(in case you forgot)and I'm sure your mother would want you to go and have fun. Your mother will be just fine. And who knows, she may actually enjoy being at the assisted living facility and want to stay. That would be a win win for you both right?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
As an RN, I have found that my patients pass most of the time as if they have an agreement with God. Need family to visit, then they wait until the last family member is present. Want to spare family and friends seeing "the death scene", then they pass when everybody is out of the room. Need spiritual rites or pastoral care, then they wait until those needs are cared for.
All to say, plan your trip. Do not feel guilty about taking care of your health.
Blessings
You won't be good for anything if you burn yourself out.
IF she is really declining, I suggest you see if she is eligible for hospice, An in-house hospice facility might be a better choice. But a decent Assisted Living facility could be a good choice. She might enjoy it if she knows it is just temporary. And if you can afford to have someone check on her every couple of days, that might be good as well. Finally, be sure you can talk with her. If the facility has WiFi, set up an Echo Dot or Show for her and drop-in now and then.
You are not that powerful to control the aspect of living or dying.
The Higher Power makes the decision, not a mere mortal such as ourselves.
Your mother will be just fine. And who knows, she may actually enjoy being at the assisted living facility and want to stay. That would be a win win for you both right?