Stop the thermostat wars. My in-laws are always complaining about the cold, sometimes turning the AC unit off in the summer when it's near 100 degrees outside. I have let them know it's ok to turn up the unit when I'm at work so they don't freeze (today's claim) but I am breaking out in heat related hives and can only take off so many layers of clothing. Must I retreat to my bedroom and sweat under the ceiling fan? Is there a playbook I can borrow to learn how to keep us both comfortable? I know it's harder for them to be warm, but they have blankets, throws, jackets, hoodies, etc. why must I overheat to the point of nausea?
She claims she doesn't touch it but I see her do it on camera. It's almost like a reflex. She walks by and she turns it off. Then, she will get too hot and start taking off shirts. Then she will turn it on really low and the place will be freezing. Sometimes we will see that she has the back door open for her dog and the AC blasting away. It can be a real problem.
I bought a Nest thermostat which is designed to be programmed remotely. Can be adjusted with my phone. I haven't gotten it installed yet so can't tell you how well it will work but it comes with great reviews. The plan is to leave the existing control where it is, unconnected but with the batteries still in it so she can have the satisfaction of adjusting the control even though it doesn't affect the actual temp.
It will cost a bit more to run a separate line for the new one and to put it in a place out of her usual area. After I bought it (at the suggestion of a niece) I learned that the AC unit has to be compatible (late enough model) with the thermostat so I have that to check out. Just mentioning it here so if you decide to look into one, you also need to check that part out.
My aunt does wear extra clothing when she has people staying that require the temp to be really cool. She'll put an extra blanket on her bed, etc. Circulation gets bad in feet and hands and they do get cold. Wool socks, flannel shirts,cuddle duds, undershirts all help. Getting up and moving about is what they really need to do, not just creeping from one chair to the next. I give her chores to do when I need it to cool off the kitchen while I work. Like chopping celery or onions or carrots or peeling eggs. I notice she takes a layer or two off when she gets busy. I also use a stand fan at times when she has let the house get too hot. I can put the thermostat down but it is going to take a few hours before the house is cool enough to add more heat with the range or oven or dishwasher. I try to utilize the convection oven or the microwave or crock pot more during hotter months. I also check vents above her chair and bed to make sure she isn't in direct line for the coolest air.
They really are cold and you really are hot so you have to work together to find a solution. Call them before you leave the office and ask them to put the unit on 70 or whatever number you choose. That's when they can go put on an extra layer and get up and do a few chores. Set the table or water the plants, fold laundry, take out garbage (whatever their capabilities) or something that gets them moving. If you are like most women when you come home from work you start your second shift and want to make dinner, pick up the house and maybe do laundry so think about ways you can have less stress and not have to work as hard in the evening hours.
The thermostat wars are probably one of the hardest things for live-in caregivers to endure. Sometimes I'm afraid to leave for a couple of hours because no one is here to protect the rabbit from heat stress.
I've learned it isn't possible to reason with older people about closing vents and putting on warm clothes when it is their house. Winters are okay. We can close the vents and open the windows. Summers are when it gets rough. For our own health, we have to force a compromise with them no matter how much we hear bad stuff yelled at us.
When she lived in Independent Living, her apartment regularly felt like a sauna, although I had her doctor explain to her that she was putting her health at risk by keeping her abode so warm. I think it's probably one of the things that led to her stroke, which occurred in July.
Once mom was in a NH, her environment was temperature controlled and she was always dressed in a sweater, summer or not.
Silk underwear also helps retain heat.
You are not required to endanger your OWN health in order to care for your elders.
Hubby and I would set it to 74 and he’d change it as soon as we were out of sight.
We had decided to get a cover to put over the thermostat and lock it but he managed to short circuit the a/c unit by messing around with all of the buttons (he forgot how to set the darn thing).
After a costly a/c repair bill which he was aware of, he left the thermostat alone and has forgotten all about being cold.
In the long run we got lucky the thermostat wars issue was resolved with out further action on our part.
Good luck dealing with your situation - I’d check into options suggested by other posters here, I always get great advice reading up on how everyone resolves their issues!
I realize it is easier to deal with with an office setting, but pick and choose what vents will be open/closed in the house. Like if the folks spend a lot of time in the living room then close those vents.... and if there is a family room, keep those opened for yourself. And so on and so forth.
Feeling your pain as my siblings and I also deal with this with our elderly parents.
Several suggestions that may help:
1). Do your in-laws have hot water bottles? If not, they're inexpensive and to prevent accidental burns some come with a fabric cover. They work great while they're just sitting watching tv etc. Placed on their lap is a great spot to help keep them warm. You could try that when you're with them, so you can refill as needed.
2). Hotties: Those are the heat packs normally used in socks or gloves. They're individually wrapped and you just shake them to activate the heat. The ones used in gloves can easily be tucked in underneath a sleeve. But again, with sensitive skin you may need to wrap in a piece of cheese cloth before placing it next to their skin. If they're used in the wrist area that is the best spot, as that helps to heat the blood circulating through that area.
3). Fingerless gloves. Provides a way to keep their hands warm, yet fingers are free to move about. It also works as a place to hold a Hottie against the wrist.
4). Heated throw. If their favorite chair is near an outlet that will keep them cozy!
Now of course any of those solutions have to be removed for when they need to do their toileting, but if you can raise the temperature of their blood, their environment will seem warmer to them.
I have always had a problem with getting too cold. When I was 22, I ended up with a severe case of pneumonia simply because I had gotten too cold. I ended up being hospitalized. My doctor said that I survived because of my age.
What works for me: heated bed sheets, heated pads, heated blankets, individual heaters, hot baths, and making sure the extremities are covered. Hot baths are the best way to warm the inside of the body when it gets really cold, but the heat doesn't last long.
I hate it when people who don't understand what it's like to get cold say to just put on more. That doesn't work!!
As a person ages, and this becomes more pronounced as they decline, the body strives to keep the "important stuff" warm. That is the core and the brain. so the extremities do not get the circulation that they used to. So hands feel colder, feet feel colder then arms and legs.
If the person is mobile one of the electric throws works very well. There are problems if the person is not mobile leaving a heating pad, heating blanket or any other source like that can lead to burns. Again since the circulation is so poor it is difficult to tell when an area becomes too hot.
If this is not possible I found that the fleece type pants and tops helped a lot. And they are easy to wash and dry. (Do NOT use a fabric softener on any of the fleece type products.) They do keep you warm. And when it comes to it you may have to resort to hats, even in the house this keeps the top of the head warm where a lot of heat is lost and it keeps the ears warm, another body part that feel cold as circulation declines.
"Muffs" for the hands will also help. Since I have not seen many of these since I was a kid this might be an item that you have to make with some scrap material, maybe even cutting the leg from a fleece pant or the arm from a sweatshirt.
Another thing that I used was a small ceramic heater that I put next to my Husbands bed. I would put it at the foot of the bed and put it on low with a low fan and it would gently push warmed air over him. That seemed to work very well.
And the obvious, make sure they are clean and dry, clothes are dry as damp clothes will make you feel colder.
The elders could, quite likely, be cold because of the meds they take (think Coumadin, for one). Or they're cold because the body is not is motion.