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63 YO wife diagnosed nonfluent Primary Progressive Aphasia. Given symptoms started at least three or maybe even earlier, expect 4-6 years of future care as disease progresses. Her will leaves all of her assets (>$1.2M) to her daughter who lives in another state. We have had a wonderful marriage for 13 years, traveled the world, lived in beautiful homes, all paid by me. Now I am facing a future of years of dementia and caretaking, at the end of which all assets go to her daughter. Yes it could be that all assets are used up by her care which would be fine but there could still be a sizable estate, all going to someone who will not be doing anything . Is disinheriting a loyal and faithful spouse right? And I might need care funds myself if I live longer.

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Sorry that your wife is failing at such a young age. Why is her will leaving everything to daughter and nothing to you? Do you have POA and other paperwork in order?

It is now time for you to stop paying for everything. Your wife should be paying for half of your living expenses and additionally for anything for her care. That will allow you to keep some of your money for when/if you need it in the future.

Depending on her care needs, make sure that you take care of yourself by getting paid help as soon as you start to need it, BEFORE you get burnt out. All this will be paid for with your wife's money.

Best of luck.

Best of luck.
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If your wife has money, it should be used to care for her. The burden to be a hands on caregiver should not be yours.
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Rktechone Aug 2023
Thanks for your response and if it is ok, I will use this spot to add a few details for all of the responses for which I am grateful. Wife’s will was done years ago before our marriage when her daughter was the only apparent heir. However she did update it just a few years ago but kept daughter as only heir. She quit work when we married as my job paid a lot and we could afford it. I paid all of the house expenses, all trips to Europe, all car insurance, etc. Also took a reduced pension so she would continue to receive all pension funds for her lifetime. Enough expensive jewelry to buy a new car. Its all been worth it as she has been the love of my life for thirteen years, The bulk of her funds came when her father died and left all three children a little over a $1m, much to their amazement (he had inherited most of that himself from an aunt). No prenuptial agreement was done- i would have been ok if she had everything when I died or at least half of it to leave my son something. Fortunately as many of you have noted, so far everyone in her family has recognized that these funds should be used for her care. We are working with her attorney on revising the will and POA to implement that with the legal provision that daughter will remain the sole heir to any remaining funds. I suppose that I was just disappointed that I was going to get nothing at all - seems like it was just going to be a slap in the face- maybe she wasn’t/ isn’t that happy after all. You don’t have to read very far in this website to understand that being disappointed is the absolute least problem for most, We are just starting our journey down this path so the real pain is coming and this is just my first post . Many thanks for all the kind and helpful responses. Many thanks also to those who justifiably wanted to kick my butt but showed restraint instead (or did the site administer delete those :). Very grateful for this site and community.
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I assume this will was in place before you got married. I would use her money for her care going forward and you need to see an elder care lawyer to protect your assets too. I believe in many states regardless of the will the spouse still inherits something. Check with an estate planning attorney about that.
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Is your wife legally competent? I ask because my sister had a brain problem aged 26 which resulted in aphasia. At 79 her speech has improved a great deal, and she is certainly legally competent (very!) even though she is still semi-crippled and is now in a wheelchair. She is quite capable of understanding and of changing her will. It takes patience to wait for her to make her meanings clear. This is very different from something including dementia, though on the phone, many people assume she has dementia.

If your wife is in this position, it would be best to work out how to involve her in the decision, which could involve changing her will. Could you give a bit more information?
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If your wife has that kind of money, I would be using it for her care. If she needs aids, get them. If her care becomes too much place her. The Will means nothing if the money is not there when wife dies. Wills are for "just in case".

I would wonder when this Will was done. If prior to your marriage then not sure if your entitled to anything if its money your wife earned or inherited before your marriage. Inheritance are not community property.

Seems to me if you pass before your wife, she has the money to care for herself. Do you have a children that could use the inheritance?
At 10k a month for a LTC facility it would take 12 years to use up a million. Thats what her money is for her care. I guess it just sat there why you paid for everything. I think now, you need to consider ur future. Wife has money for her care, it needs to be used. DD will get what is left over. Keep good records.
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Check your state laws. If you had a prenuptial agreement, this issue would have been addressed, so if you have one, check it.
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I am assuming you knew this was how the will was made out? And in any case it is now too late. Do you know what your wife's justification was for this? Did she feel you had your own funds as she had HER own funds? Was it discussed?

I would keep your own assets safe at this time using her funds for her care. Hoping you are her POA or she may be whisked away by said daughter to conserve her inheritance (if she is aware of the will). I also assume your wife is now incapable of making any will changes.

Think of seeing an attorney for legal separation so that your funds cannot be attached for her care.
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