How do you invoke power of attorney when the aging parent is no longer making sound financial decisions?

My father sat down with an attorney in California when his mind was better in 2007. He completed a Living Trust, Will, Durable POA and Advanced Healthcare Directive. His paperwork stated it was not effective until a doctor determined he was not capable of making healthcare or financial decisions for himself. Fast forward to 2014 when I had to travel from GA to CA to go get him and bring him back here to care for. The Neurologist signed a notarized statement and that invoked his legal papers he no longer remembered even doing.

I have a younger brother and sister that do nothing to help and did nothing when I had to move him and then return to CA to sell his house. I have never had any issue with the Durable POA or any of his paperwork from any bank, mortgage company etc. Do your documents early in life and don't leave your kids to figure it all out after you cannot make decisions. My father's documents actually state "if anyone listed contests any of his legal documents that that person will be treated as if they were never listed".

Go immediately to an elder law attorney. Ask Kaiser (social worker) to recommend one or ask friends.

My Dad had a massive stroke and is now in a skilled nursing home in a vegetative state. How can my mom get power of attorney if dad cannot sign his name. They have been married over 50 years. We don't know what to do, we need help finding out how to pay for his care. Kiaser only pays for 100 days. We can't afford to pay out of pocket. My mom needs power of attorney to do anything with property.

Can someone please help me, ive got a elderly mum, who was living with her long term partner of 25 years, when one day my sister went to there home a removed my mum from there in tears, and took her to her home to live with her, when i questiond mum although suffering from dementia, she said this is what she wanted, so mum lived with her for six months, and unknown to the rest of the family applied for power of attorney, none of us were notified and it went through,
A month later she put our mum into a care home, now when i call mum she is crying on the phone to come home, we would love mum to come and live with us,but cant as my sister has p.o.a it is extremy upset to hear my mu crying on the phone, please can someone help

lltruong1138 - I hope you can help your friend with this info. All that is needed is the date of each POA signed, a legibly written or preferably, a typed statement, indicating that Ms. __________ ___________, was coerced into signed a POA against her will and without her full knowledge and understanding on ________ {date}. Consequently, this statement does hereby revoke that POA dated __________ {date}, which was written by ____________ _________, and signed under duress. The POA dated __________, electing Ms. _____________'s daughter as her POA is, in fact, the POA signed by Ms. ________________ indicating her preferences, then and now. Further details are available if needed from defendant's son, _____________ ____________, if needed. He can be reached at ________________________. Good luck!

Have a neurologist examine her. Ask him/her to write you a letter stating what stage of alzheimers she is in, and that in his ooinion, she should have her poa started, not the exact words. I did this for my Mom,worked well.

Should

Keep a copy of a letter from her Dr saying she has alzheimers in your purse at all times as well as a copy of your POA & a copy of her DL. If ever there is a situation to happen due to her & the police show up you will want to have those 3 papers with you. Can mom move in with you?? It might be aggervating no one likes someone living with them but sis would be involved less and you can keep a good eye on mom. Tell her she don't have to pay any rent if she lives with you tell her anything to get her with you because from what I get mom needs to be with someone & that could be sis.If your POA go to the bank & move her money & have her SS go direct deposit into a new account that has just your name on it.

both my brother and I have POA. He lives in Florida and I live in the same city as my mom. He hardly ever spends time with her, but has been flying in to be with her regularly since she was hospitalized. in a note attached to her POA, she states it is her desire to have him continue to work with her investments. and for me to write her checks and pay her bills. Do I have to run all expenses past him? He made a threatening text: "since you now believe you have power, you will have to document all expenses or the government will come after you." (he and i dont' get along) I don't want this job. should I give it to him? he is the cpa. I am quite unorganized and don't even balance my own checkbook . .

Very difficult , just do your best that's all you can do, find out your rights or where to get help , remember knowledge is power,

Laurie, it may not be necessary. If son is appointed as conservator, he will be required by the court to submit financial information yearly. He will also have to show that he does not have a criminal record and that he has good credit history. There should be a background check. You could always get an attorney and petition the court for impartial third parties to watch over dad's finances and health.

a son has poa over dad, he gets a letter from the doctor stating dad's dementia has worsened over the year, and lost 15 lbs and is drinking and driving and someone to do his financials. the doc states dad should not be driving and needs assisted living. son tells dad no driving and do not take any money out of bank for day. dad was still working. dad notices his money and investments have been taken out of his acct. he goes to see a lawyer and asks for a new poa. new papaers were drawn up but son said dad was incompetent at the time. son has dad put into behavior health facility for 24 hours acces and hold. daughter goes to facility after 24 hours and they recommend 24 hour care. daughter takes dad to her home and begins to look for assisted living. atty's agree to have a court date for guardenship and conservatorship. can daughter request at court for an independent person to look over dads financials even though brother has poa. brother doesn't communicate with daughter on dads behalf.

Durable Financial Power of Attorney

My client's family has the right legal documents but doesn't exercise the control they should. The client orders things, gives her credit card, sends checks in the mail, endorses ongoing transactions on her bank account and is on the list of every scammer in the Netherlands. I am keeping records of my notifications to them so I am not liable for any of this mischief. It makes me sick to sit by and watch this because she could be wiped out financially because they are too lazy or busy to protect her.

Thank you Pam

Tamara, contact your County Office of the Aging. Often they have lawyers who will set this up for free for seniors with limited assets.
If your father has substantial assets, see his attorney to set this up. The fee can be paid from Dad's funds.

My father is 81, and he is no longer thinking clearly or making sound decisions. I talked to him about becoming power of attorney for him and he said that would be okay. I am clueless about how to start this process, can anyone offer me any advice as to how I go about this, who to contact, what I need to do? Do I need to hire a lawyer because I am a single mom only working part time, do not have money to get a lawyer.

Early in the disease they can still put POA's in place. In my Mom's doctor's office they have medical POA forms as well as Do Not Resuscitate forms which in my state need to be discussed with the doctor then signed doc and patient.

Financial needs to be completed by an elder law attorney that will ensure that the client understands the document and its purpose before allowing signature.

Our mum has been diagnosed with dementia and we don't have a POA , for medical or financial, is there anything we can do.

All of the above need to pursue a Guardianship status. If the problem is a sibling, a POA or DPOA can be revoked in a snit of temper. If money is disappearing, you need to be Guardian. If the patient refuses to bathe, insists on driving or refuses needed care, only the Guardian can act to correct the problem.

Currently have POA for sister. She recently went into rehab/nursing home-do I need to inform social security? Or anyone else?

Well sunnygirl, the reality is if the siblings are not true to heart, in my view it is the parent’s problem not the state. If we are unlucky enough to bring a lowlife into this world we should take the brunt of it rather then anyone else, what it to say that anyone else that is nominated would do better, can anyone guarantee you they are the purest of the pure.
The reality is we cannot trust anybody, the world is a corrupted place, politicians will say to you their government departments can be trusted, but the reality is there are the biggest crooks around.
My advice is to rise above it all and communicate with the other sibling on how they could learn to contribute to their parents best interests or the alternative could be that the state could take control and put another lowlife sibling in charge of their parents and they may suffer even more from an outsider dealing with them.
By the way does the other sibling work for the Court of Protection or Guardianship? Don't you think if they do, it is better that they exploit their own parents rather then anyone else?

Holy Cow, you have my sympathies, I am in a sort of similar situation except my oldest sibling has the DPOA but will not talk with the other siblings about the true state of parent's finances. A year ago I did see their account balance on their desk, laying open, and it showed only about $158K left. Which is shocking, and they used to have over $500K.
But my siblings are all very far out of town, never visit (unless they are "paid" to visit with airline flight paid, hotel paid, restaurant paid, etc) and hardly every call. When my parents call them, my siblings often do not pick up (they say they don't have time to listen to seniors complain about their aches & pains).
Yet, I am the "one" who has to do everything, all the driving to doctors, shopping, clean up flooded basement, etc etc.
My parents had set up a very small account just for me, because of all that I do for them, somehow the DPOA sibling found out and is now trying to tell my parents what to do with that fund, which was designated for me--not to be split along with the rest of estate.
It is very frustrating to see how many families just cannot do what their parents actually wanted. Those who hold the DPOA must act as the parents want, yes it is a huge responsibility, and you are an Angel for doing all you do for your parent(s).

My parents made up a Trust with an attorney many years ago. My father died in 2006 and we did not make any changes until 2010 when we took him off of everything and spoke to the attorney about who should be given POA. She first chose my oldest sister, I objected and told the attorney and my mother that I felt I should be given it, as I have taken care of her finances for 8 years and I am her 24/7 caregiver. I went on to tell them how said sister, had been using Mom's accounts to pay off her dental bills, car repairs, etc and had never paid back a cent she has EVER BORROWED as well as the fact that she had stopped paying one cent into the household bills, leaving myself and my Mom to foot the bill for everything and she was the one working a job!

The attorney asked to speak to my Mom alone and she agreed to give it to me. My older sister was furious and has made my life a living h*ll! She does nothing to help with the house, property or Mom...it is my punishment for taking DPOA!

I believe everyones best bet is to seek the assistance of an attorney to get the DPOA for Finances and Healthcare. The person (my Mom) has to be of sound mind and be willing to give it to you. If they are not of sound mind nor willing to give it to you then you have to seek guardianship or conservator-ship. These require that you go to court and have her doctors sign documents stating that she is no longer of sound mind and is in need of assistance. I understand this can be long, drawn out and expensive, although I have never done it.

Keep in mind when you do become DPOA there is a lot of responsibility to it. The money you are in charge of is NOT YOURS, it cannot be spent on you, you normally cannot be paid for being a POA OR DPOA. You have to make sure that their money is spent on paying for taking care of them and all medical expenses. You cannot fly out the family to visit with granny on grannys dime. You cannot buy a new car for yourself so you can drive Mom to her doctor appointments, you cannot pay for your new house or your childs education with their money....EVERY CENT HAS TO BE USED ON THEM FOR THEIR MEDICAL AND REASONABLE LIVING EXPENSES....NOTHING MORE! If you decide to dip your fingers into their bank accounts be aware that you can and should be prosecuted for stealing from them. If you have siblings then you need to make all expenses, debts and savings information available to each of them so everyone knows you are on the up and up and not stealing. You must keep good records of all expenditures. It is not easy, it is not fun but if you want to protect the ones you love then you will do it. Sometimes they have to be protected from themselves and as their DPOA you have to just step in and tell them you are taking over. My DPOA did not require that I get permission or a court order from anyone, mine was immediate, others may state that it is only after they have developed a disease or illness that has rendered them incompetent. Stepping in and taking over is not easy either, they will fight you over this as you are taking something away from them. You however know that you are saving them from being taken advantage of is why you are doing this. You have to have a "thick skin!"

Another problem is with the banks you deal with. Although your DPOA is a legal document and valid, not all banks will accept them. I fought with the Bank of America and they flat out refused to accept it. You literally have to sue them to get them to accept your documents! Many, many banks do this so beware!

Also beware that if they should become ill enough and have to go into a nursing home, you will most likely require the help of Medicaid/Medi Cal to pay the enormous bills. Before they will allow your loved one to sign up or them pay one cent towards a medical bill, they will do a 5 year look back and they will require that you show them where every single cent was spent, if you blew it, they will not pay a dime and you will find yourself responsible for grannys medical bills!!!

I am 60 years old, and what this all has taught me is that although I am taking care of my mother's affairs, I need to think about myself as well and I need to make sure that documents are in place for my daughter to take over for me when it becomes necessary. 30% of all caregivers die BEFORE the person they are caring for, so why would we make plans for them and then not make them for us as well?

Good Luck and God Bless Us All!

Mother 1st stage of Alz. lives with stepdad. I have POA, Med. Directive. Stepdad has gotten ugly recently and threatened to call police and have me removed from his house. I think his world at 90 has become closed in and I am a target for his frustration. Could he keep me from seeing my Mom?

on the anti-wrinkle system and ordering things off TV, My Mil was raching up 1500 a mo buying things off qvc, etc. My husband blocked those programs on her tv, so she would not see them and be tempted.

How can I get power of attorney from father, 98 yrs. old, obviously cannot care for himself, but will not give me power of attorney. Still driving but shouldn't be. Smells so badly, we cannot stand to be around him.

What can be done to gain power of attorney for parent, 98 years old, obviously cannot care for himself, but refuses to give his child or anyone power of attorney. He is still driving, but shouldn't be. Has terrible hygiene.

On that anti-wrinkle system. It may be only a 30-day supply, with a new batch being sent every month. That is how many of those things work. The card will be charged automatically for the next supply. Make sure you get it stopped. At 80 something, I would think the anti-wrinkle should be anti-crevice, anti-valley, or something! ;)

Hey Cholena...I am in a similar situation. And with a few others here. My brother has taken advantage of my mothers "generosity" and her need for companionship since my father passed 15 years ago. He hid his knowledge of her slow decline into dementia, Lewy body weth Parkinson's by always being in control of telephone calls by other siblings when wanting to communicate with her. When he had an unexpected medical issue and had to have surgery and a hospital stay of a week...not telling us, he took an ambulance to the hospital leaving my mother at home alone. I happened to call the next day when she informed me about hm being gone and she alone. She doesn't drive so I told her I would be up ASAP which takes me a 12 hour drive to get there. During those few days I uncovered all my brothers mismanagement of finances as she received a "cut off" notice in the mail from the electric company. She told me that my brother gets all the mail and pays the bills so she had no clue. I discovered his "hiding place" of all her financials and spent hours going through them in shock. She was and continually been in default on her mortgages and loans. A 20k credit card maxed out by him. A check printer he used to print checks for her to sign trusting him they were for bills but were for him. Rental income checks he had the tenants make out to him so he could deposit in his bank accounts. He has been unemployed for over 12 years and is totally dependent on her support. I also fount her trust papers, wills etc. some of which he had redone to move his name up in rank for authority over her estate. Including power of attorney. The home was filthy. Her condition was deteriorating because he did not monitor her meds going days and weeks without giver her her pills. Well I could go on but the point is I contacted the elder abuse agency in her state giving them my story and they tried to send out a rep to evaluate the situation. They advised me to go thru the courts and get guardianship. My brother hired a lawyer to represent my mother to contest it and coerced her into going against me because I was trying to steal all her money and put her away! Because of that farcical claim and thanks to the sleaze lawyer he hired I was in an 18 month court battle which wore me down. Sent me into a depression for the things "my mothers" lawyer accused me of FALSLEY which I continually had to endure. Lost my business for the monthly court hearings I had to travel to appear at. Depleted my husbands and our retirement savings to continually pay lawyer fees in hopes things would end before it all ran out. Finally we went into arbitration that was "referreed" by a former family court judge who's mother suffered from Alzheimer's. My brother showed up with my mother and their lawyer. The judge/arbitrator smelled alcohol on his breath. My mother didn't recognize me which was witnessed by her and she advised me to get her declared incapacitated by a neurologist and him declared incapable of care ing for as well as him being able to invoke the DPOA because of his dependency on her. It's the law that a person cannot have POA if they are dependent on the person that they have POA over.

The worse thing too about all this was that if I had gotten my mom declared incapacited BEFORE applying for guardianship. Made copies of my brothers spending habits from her bank accounts. Checked police records reporting her missing and wandering the streets lost while he was in his "cave" drinking and chatting online. Taken pictures of the condition of her home. Gotten doctors records of her history over a few years to show that they had advised she be seen by a neurologist...which my brother ignored...And stated in the petition the dependence he had on my mother I could have avoided the losses and heartache I suffered at the selfishness and desperation of an alcoholic sibling. Do your research. Don't be afraid to be a snoop. Don't hold onto the beliefs of how you remember your mom and that she's just getting forgetful. And don't believe ANYTHING a dependent sibling caregiver tells you.

I'm now in the process of getting her neurologist to finalize diagnosis and recommend best care for her. She suffers the typical of her condition. Sees snakes. Children that live in her house. 3 people that sneak into her house at night to steal her furniture. Shuffles when she walks. Motor abilities deteriorating. My brother refuses to accept his diagnosis! And continues to tell my mother when I'm not around, that's its a conspiracy to take everything from her. And most of all take her away from him and make him homeless. He's 62 years old and she has been manipulated into believing that the needs her or he will be all alone because the rest of the siblings are out to get him. Guilt trip she believes. So all I do when I'm there to care for her. Get her meds on track. Care give 24/7 to stabilize her in the interim to get her set and ready for the inevitable move to palliative care/hospice. He undoes in my necessary brief absences when I must return home to tend to my life...

So. Do your homework. Get a "leader" mindset and be firm about doing what's right and best for her and not at the expense of yourself. And if possible. Separate her from influences that only go against what your hard work and good sense knows to be right.

I know there are many sides to this and one way doesn't always work for everyone. But the legal part of it is something that is doable when you educate yourself on what the laws address for you and against you.

Sorry for the ramble. But I hope you find something in my experience that helps. I wish I had run across this forum at the onset of my journey.

C

My elderly sick mother is being taken advantage of by a man she let stay at her home while he was getting back on his feet. He has borrowed money, stolen money and used her for financial gain. He is storing his boat in her yard while he is out of state for 6 weeks. He is an alcoholic and has drug addiction issues. I have asked him to leave and remove his possessions from her property but he continues to call and harass her. She is scared and just wants him to leave her alone but she is afraid to do anything and she wont let me act (she does not want to be mean to him). I have her durable power of attorney that covers everything except health decisions. Help