Is caregiving rewarding?
Sometimes as I caregive, I find that it is rewarding in its own way. There have been times where I've had to be in 2 or 3 different places at once to bring or fix something then with the added task of the house, animals and my mother. There was one story in particular I remember where she was in the hospital one day and I had spent the entire night cleaning since she was going to have someone look at our house early the next day. So thinking she wasn't coming home, I went to sleep the following day. I get a phone call from her and some nurses that morning and I go drive over to the hospital, then figure out that she needs her motorized wheelchair. And so I drove back to the house, took it on the bus and drove it towards the hospital entrance to the e.r. room and essentially spent my day with her as she was trying to get to her urologist appointment. During the lengthy 2 1/2 hour wait in the lobby I was trying to devise a way for us to both get home but to no avail, I decided we would take the bus home instead. After that descision had been made, she was finally seen for a process which took 15 minutes and I remained positive while we got home, then immediatly put her to bed and had myself a drink. At the end of the ordeal I legitimately felt tired but overall proud that I could manage to pull any of this off.
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For me, yes, I found many rewards.
I worked full-time and was the live-in caregiver for my mom. We were very lucky though, there was no dementia, serious illness, disease, or pain. I had my own Suite downstairs and live in help as well.
After after a couple of years I was exhausted. The "Team" (sibs) that was suppose to help out and provide support were a no-show, a no-go, or a just plain no-do. My life disappeared into the great Abyss called caregiving. My stress and frustration levels were running at a constant all-time high. My health suffered. I grew angry and bitter (still am). I am heartbroken with every disappointment handed to me from family and friends. It got so bad I even disowned a sister. Enter anxiety and depression...
At least at least my mom appreciated me and respected my decisions when everyone else did not. Although she did not have a clue as to how much work went on behind the scenes of everything I did, her face would light up with a smile every time I walked into the room and that was enough. I was pleased and proud of all that I was able to do for her. There was so much more I wanted to do or wished I had done. I'm amazed at strengths I found that I didn't think possible.
When when mom passed away earlier this year, she went feeling loved and happy.
I did that.
I'm at peace knowing I was there and I did the right thing. She's only been gone a few months and when I look back over our time together there are far more smiles then there are tears.
I'm still recovering from the experience, physically, mentally and emotionally. I still haven't been able to find the joy in life again . Time will tell.
Taking care of a loved one is not for the faint of heart that's for sure.
They call it a labor of love. It's not.
It's a exhausting, mind bending, heartbreaking, soul crushing, life sucking, thankless, slave labor of love.
But it's still love.
Hugs to you.
My older sister...lived scott free at Mom's for over 10 yrs and then walked out WITHOUT telling me. Yes, she cut me out of the sibling circle, but leaving our Mom and step-father alone like that?! I tried to hire help, but because it didn't suit my sister, she didn't want it.
SHOCKED when I got the call from my step-sister who really runs neck/neck with my older sister!
Long story short, I went home to find out/see the situation given to me on extremely short now we need you notice. It was worse than I could ever imagine.
Tlook Mom to the doctor and found out Mom's Alzheimer's was worse than I ever knew! Dr told me that if things stayed like this, Mom would die before her next appointment in July!!
3rd trip home, Mom had to be placed in the hospital and that was her last hand because the Dr was going to place her in a facility. Me/husband had to place both in assisted living....I couldn't stop crying. I wouldn't let Mom see me when I had her discharged and taken to the group home.
Now I'm her guardian/conservator. When I had to see her Dr before he'd sign the Court papers....he told me I had done more for Mom's care in 2 months than my sister had in 10 yrs.
Family can disappoint and be cruel, but mine gave me the opportunity to get everything back to what she wants per her Will.
Siblings are expecting to get their hands on Mom's money, but I'll use every penny to make sure she is well taken care of first!
They don't have a clue as to what Mom needs, but I'll make damned sure she gets it while I'm living out of State!
She's my Mom and I promised to take care of her back when I was in the 7th grade! I just had to wait for God to answer my prayers.
So its not rewarding, unless you are so STRONG person and can ignore unfair treatments understanding that he or she is not in their minds now....Very frustrating "job"....
A lot also depends on the person you're caring for, their condition, and any help you may be getting. TNtechie, your situation sounds rewarding, but you may be in better circumstances than some. I hope it stays that way for you.
I never saw this way of life coming. I don't want it and I feel like crap for thinking it, but I won't be sad when it's over.
My father has advanced vascular dementia and is often quiet hateful. Dad has paranoid personality disorder and was a bit of a bully before dementia made everything 100 times worse. I helped my mother care for him for over a decade, locating my home near theirs so I could pop in every day when needed. Later I went to court to gain guardianship of Dad and to invalidate a POA signed for my brother 9 years after his doctors' deemed Dad incompetent. I placed Dad against his wishes in MC and sold his home to provide stable financing. I am estranged from my oldest brother and one of his sons - and to a degree from my father. Still, I do find satisfaction that Dad's needs are being well met. That he is still able to curse about me during my estranged brother's daily visits.
There have definitely been times when I felt resentment, especially during some of the most difficult days, and I still feel that sometimes even with my mother. That's very normal. Still you are hanging in there - if not for your parents then to meet your expectations of yourself and to support your sister. I suspect when your care giving days are over and you have recovered from the exhaustion, you will look back on this time and find some rewarding elements there.
I find it rewarding when I'm appreciated, and when I feel I'm able to contribute something meaningful rather than just being used as an unpaid provider of services. There have been some good moments all throughout my 7+ years of caregiving, but most of it has been drudgery and conflict over what I wanted to provide vs what my mother wanted from me. Finally, in her last days, we seem to be on the same page, and it is very rewarding. I hope to take away good memories from this even though I think I'll miss her very much.
I enjoy cooking for her and eating meals with her. I often hear stories about meals eaten decades ago with her parents and siblings or Sunday dinners at Grandma's house with the extended family. Even when she tells a story I have heard before, there are often some new details.
The best reward is probably seeing her interact with her great-grandchildren (ages 3-13). The older ones show off grade cards, school projects, new clothes and shoes. The youngest has decided Grandma is his reading buddy. He picks up the books and says "Come on Grandma, let's read!"
Taking care of someone who is always around and who's needs must always be met and knowing that their needs will only increase as time passes is a challenge; sometimes an overwhelming one. But there's also a certain pride in meeting that challenge, in being a person that is counted on.
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