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Has he been checked for a UTI? This could be the problem or he could be in the throes of dementia.
A UTI in a senior can cause all kinds of symptoms that we never associate with an infection, I would get that determined like today with a trip to the urgent care.
Once that is ruled out I would seek a referral to a neurologist to find out what is happening in his brain. I cope better knowing that it is a real medical issue and not just someone being ornery.
I hope you find out what is going on soon. Hugs! It is difficult caring for a senior that doesn't trust you because they have brain loss.
While it may sound silly, I can attest to being a skeptic after joining this forum and seeing so many recommendations to test for UTI when behavioral issues seem to pop up out of nowhere, but after experiencing it, I am a believer!
First time was long after mom moved to MC. One Friday evening (of course after office hours AND on a weekend!) I get a call asking me to come up. Mom is out of control, insists she has guests coming, has to get out and go home, setting off all the door alarms, etc. NEVER dealt with this, so I wasn't sure what they thought I could do! By the time I got there they had gotten her into her room with a magazine and all was quiet on the western front... I said I'm not going in there to stir up the bees!
By morning, all was sunny and rosy again... until later in the day!
We had to wait until Monday and sure enough she had a UTI. We had to get antibiotic and Lorazepam (anti-anxiety, min dose) to take the edge off - she'd only get one dose, early evening I think, and it was enough to keep her calm. Needed to take it the whole UTI course.
Even more bizarre, two recent UTIs were identified when she started night time bed-wetting. Treated, all good again!
It's an easy test to rule this out - you can even try a home test first (but beware that sometimes a urine culture is needed, dip sticks might not catch it.)
Before resorting to a neurologist, I would see about getting a good physical exam, and include the mini-test done at the doctor office. If dad balks, take the test yourself, tell him everyone does this now to have a baseline (they tried to test mom, unclear why since she was in MC for 2 years at that point! and at my exam a while later, they tested me as well!
If all looks good, maybe neuro. If anything shows up, get that treated first. If nothing shows up but he does poorly on the mini-test, definitely neuro.
One of my favorite sayings of my mom (who is now in the later stages of ALZ): "This too shall pass." Your LO will always be your LO, and that's probably why you're the focus of the anger and confusion. Take it as a complement and do what you can to help.
If this is a sudden change in behavior, then it could easily be something physical like a UTI, the flu, or even a painful bunion. Discomfort and pain absolutely affect our mental state. As ITRR suggests, get it checked out both physically and mentally.
I say yes! Mine is still independent and I won’t allow his daily routine disrupted. The biggest change I’ve seen is empathy or consideration, that is completely gone. A conversation starts with him obviously then, I’ve been on bed rest but it’s not cancer. I will get an immediate reply of Thank goodness, wanna go to lunch? No I say, I guess I forgot to tell you I’m on bed rest. He doesn’t ask why he just simply forgot the sentences we just conversed. Now... oddly his weeds in a backyard of rock that he doesn’t use and can’t see? Well those are of utmost importance like stop the Super Bowl and spray them immediately. Everyday calls, very important. So mine hasn’t hit mean stages but his immediate memory is lost and anything unrelated to HIM is not important. I’m sure people think it’s rude, but after YouTube videos and this site I understand this IS HIS REALITY, his concerns are vital to him and it takes patience. So I simply say “I guess I forgot to tell you xyz ” over and over. He remembers odd things, old things and even did his taxes by hand as always. There’s lots they can do but you may need to learn this new behavior. I watched a video of a daughter reintroducing herself everyday and the mother would say her daughter had the same name (not recognizing her and breaking her heart daily) the daughter simply says “ well that’s neat we share the same name, your daughter sent me here to help you today” seems the more you remind them of their forgetfulness the more upset they get with you and themselves. It’s not worth it for either of you. Chances are they remember you as a child so there’s no correlation with this adult claiming the same name. Don’t take it personal, educate yourself on care and handling this odd way of thinking they have and start over, earning their trust each time. You can’t stop this, but you can lessen your hurt and their confusion by starting over everyday. I know it’s frustrating but it’s no ones fault. This IS THEIR REALITY... the strange new personalities you can educate yourself on redirecting. Get your Loved One diagnosed and learn as much as you can. It will help you both. Definitely get checked for UTI, I had no clue how common those are and how mean it can make them.
Like the story about the daughter reintroducing herself and then saying the daughter sent her here to help today!
"Chances are they remember you as a child so there’s no correlation with this adult claiming the same name." Even odder, at a facility function over the summer, mom had some dum-dum lollies in her LCD boogie board pouch. I asked about them and she replied they were for her kids, if they ever show up. Perplexed, I pointed to myself and she asked me if my kids were here. I didn't pursue that any further. It was rather an odd situation/feeling at the time... I exist in two time dimensions, at the same time!
She still knows who I am, doesn't really remember too much about my kids - but reminders can help. I think she remembers my son a little more often, a little bit, but only because I show her pictures of his son and she hears my son's name every time when she asks who's kid this is. My daughter, not so much!
My MIL who was never a 'nice person' began her descent into dementia last year. Actually, probably sooner, but DH spends as little time with her as he can bear....so it was probably coming on a long time before.
Last fall, she had a UTI and then pneumonia. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks and then moved to a NH for 6+ weeks. Then back home, where she is alone 99% of the time. She went downhill very quickly. The UTI was brutal on her, but I honestly can't say it made a hill of beans difference in how she was at baseline--now her 'filter' is 100% gone and she says things that are absolutely intolerable.
My Dh will visit her for as short a period of time as he can stand----she has said such mean and hateful things, and even though he KNOWS it's the dementia, there is a grain of truth in what she says, so I think she cannot be given a free pass on how she treats people. Just angry, at everybody (but SIL) and mean as can be. She had a screaming fit directed at me 6 weeks ago and I told her I couldn't take it anymore and I would never see her again. Walked out of her house and will NOT go back, even though DH has even offered me the sun moon and stars to PLEASE go with him. Why? So I can be screamed at by a woman who has passionately hated me for 44 years? No thanks.
I know so many elders with dementia who continue to be sweet and loving. It's sad that it seems that a person's natural personality really shows up when dementia rolls in. My own mother is just 'dotty'...not mean, but very thoughtless in her remarks and comments. Her, I can deal with. But I do not have to have my MIL in my life screaming (yes, actual loud screaming) at me.
Truly, it is very, very sad. She's miserable and doesn't know why.
I understand. My mother was very emotionally and verbally abusive to me when we were alone. If anyone else was present, she was the sweetest little old lady. So, I finally stopped seeing her unless someone else was with me (my husband or my brother, whoever). Even on the phone, if someone else was in the room with her the conversation was fine. If she knew no one else could hear her, she was abusive on the phone to me. I told her that I would hang up every time she started the abuse, and I did. I couldn't believe I was doing this with my own mother, but it saved me a lot of heartache. I couldn't take the screaming, screeching, or nasty tone of voice. No one has the right to abuse you, not even your own mother.
Yes. Have you had your loved one evaluated for physical as well as cognitive issues? Perhaps start with an evaluation by the primary care physician? A cognitive evaluation by a neuropsychologist, geriatric psychiatrist, or a neurologist may be helpful. Lastly if your loved one does have dementia, educate yourself about the disease. Read the 36 Hour Day, contact your local Alzheimer's association for information, attend caregiver support groups if need be. Forewarned is forearmed.
It could be. Any change in mental status should be reported to his doctor. They can rule out other causes, like UTI, depression, etc. I would imagine that if I were 90 plus years old, I might be a little grumpy at times.
My LO who has dementia continued to love me, but, she would be very negative, make false accusations, and fly off the handle for no reason. This was a stage though and did dissipate over time. She had always had a temper, so, it wasn't immediately attributable to cognitive decline.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A UTI in a senior can cause all kinds of symptoms that we never associate with an infection, I would get that determined like today with a trip to the urgent care.
Once that is ruled out I would seek a referral to a neurologist to find out what is happening in his brain. I cope better knowing that it is a real medical issue and not just someone being ornery.
I hope you find out what is going on soon. Hugs! It is difficult caring for a senior that doesn't trust you because they have brain loss.
First time was long after mom moved to MC. One Friday evening (of course after office hours AND on a weekend!) I get a call asking me to come up. Mom is out of control, insists she has guests coming, has to get out and go home, setting off all the door alarms, etc. NEVER dealt with this, so I wasn't sure what they thought I could do! By the time I got there they had gotten her into her room with a magazine and all was quiet on the western front... I said I'm not going in there to stir up the bees!
By morning, all was sunny and rosy again... until later in the day!
We had to wait until Monday and sure enough she had a UTI. We had to get antibiotic and Lorazepam (anti-anxiety, min dose) to take the edge off - she'd only get one dose, early evening I think, and it was enough to keep her calm. Needed to take it the whole UTI course.
Even more bizarre, two recent UTIs were identified when she started night time bed-wetting. Treated, all good again!
It's an easy test to rule this out - you can even try a home test first (but beware that sometimes a urine culture is needed, dip sticks might not catch it.)
Before resorting to a neurologist, I would see about getting a good physical exam, and include the mini-test done at the doctor office. If dad balks, take the test yourself, tell him everyone does this now to have a baseline (they tried to test mom, unclear why since she was in MC for 2 years at that point! and at my exam a while later, they tested me as well!
If all looks good, maybe neuro.
If anything shows up, get that treated first.
If nothing shows up but he does poorly on the mini-test, definitely neuro.
If this is a sudden change in behavior, then it could easily be something physical like a UTI, the flu, or even a painful bunion. Discomfort and pain absolutely affect our mental state. As ITRR suggests, get it checked out both physically and mentally.
seems the more you remind them of their forgetfulness the more upset they get with you and themselves. It’s not worth it for either of you. Chances are they remember you as a child so there’s no correlation with this adult claiming the same name. Don’t take it personal, educate yourself on care and handling this odd way of thinking they have and start over, earning their trust each time. You can’t stop this, but you can lessen your hurt and their confusion by starting over everyday.
I know it’s frustrating but it’s no ones fault. This IS THEIR REALITY... the strange new personalities you can educate yourself on redirecting. Get your Loved One diagnosed and learn as much as you can. It will help you both. Definitely get checked for UTI, I had no clue how common those are and how mean it can make them.
"Chances are they remember you as a child so there’s no correlation with this adult claiming the same name." Even odder, at a facility function over the summer, mom had some dum-dum lollies in her LCD boogie board pouch. I asked about them and she replied they were for her kids, if they ever show up. Perplexed, I pointed to myself and she asked me if my kids were here. I didn't pursue that any further. It was rather an odd situation/feeling at the time... I exist in two time dimensions, at the same time!
She still knows who I am, doesn't really remember too much about my kids - but reminders can help. I think she remembers my son a little more often, a little bit, but only because I show her pictures of his son and she hears my son's name every time when she asks who's kid this is. My daughter, not so much!
Last fall, she had a UTI and then pneumonia. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks and then moved to a NH for 6+ weeks. Then back home, where she is alone 99% of the time. She went downhill very quickly. The UTI was brutal on her, but I honestly can't say it made a hill of beans difference in how she was at baseline--now her 'filter' is 100% gone and she says things that are absolutely intolerable.
My Dh will visit her for as short a period of time as he can stand----she has said such mean and hateful things, and even though he KNOWS it's the dementia, there is a grain of truth in what she says, so I think she cannot be given a free pass on how she treats people. Just angry, at everybody (but SIL) and mean as can be. She had a screaming fit directed at me 6 weeks ago and I told her I couldn't take it anymore and I would never see her again. Walked out of her house and will NOT go back, even though DH has even offered me the sun moon and stars to PLEASE go with him. Why? So I can be screamed at by a woman who has passionately hated me for 44 years? No thanks.
I know so many elders with dementia who continue to be sweet and loving. It's sad that it seems that a person's natural personality really shows up when dementia rolls in. My own mother is just 'dotty'...not mean, but very thoughtless in her remarks and comments. Her, I can deal with. But I do not have to have my MIL in my life screaming (yes, actual loud screaming) at me.
Truly, it is very, very sad. She's miserable and doesn't know why.
God bless you
My LO who has dementia continued to love me, but, she would be very negative, make false accusations, and fly off the handle for no reason. This was a stage though and did dissipate over time. She had always had a temper, so, it wasn't immediately attributable to cognitive decline.