I am a devout Christian and minister who has/had the responsibility for the care of my aging parents. Both Mom and Dad have spent the past several years in a nursing home, when it became unsafe to keep them in the home any longer. My dad passed in December, and my mother is in her 11th year of Alzheimer's. For the past four years she has been non-verbal and non-responsive. All her food is pureed and fed to her.
After my dad's passing I found my Mom's Living will which states that she does not want nutrition and hydration to "artificially" extend her life.
I am looking for counsel and advice. I have absolute certainty about her eternal destination, as I did with my dad. I did not/ do not fear the death of my parents, and I am at peace. I am uncertain about the morality of removing food and hydration from my mother, even though I suspect that it would be her wish.
Instead I made the decision that as long as she opened her mouth when I offered food I would continue to feed her and I know in my heart it was the right choice, if she had ever actually refused to open up and eat l would have honoured that.
My sister died of a brain tumor. She became unable to communicate with us in any way. Towards the end of her life she just did not want to eat anymore, so we let her stop eating. Then it became difficult to swallow and although she did not seem uncomfortable, the family tried to continue to give her liquids. Eventually, we settled for swabbing her mouth and using eye drops. We just wanted her to be comfortable.
In nature, animals that are dying do not eat or drink. I don't think they are in distress. I think the body knows what it needs to do. Have you consulted a palliative care group? They could probably help you with your decisions.
is mom awake and willingly accepting nutrition but non-verbal?
my 95 year old mom has been immobile for 1 1/2 years and uses both purée and finely chopped soft food and is hand fed most of the time
I’ve seen many late stage dementia patients refuse food at the end and some families opt for feeding tubes which artificially extends life - is this where your mom is?
I'd show the living will to and speak with your mother's nursing home DON (Director of Nursing) and her doctor if she's to the point she mentioned in her directive. They can give you advice. Although you're a minister yourself, you need to talk with another minister or counselor to help guide and support you too.
Even though it's her wish and I know it would be a kindness to let her go, I can't imagine the impact on you. I can't imagine how traumatic it would be to actually implement it. It would be hard, but I'd do it.
As for morality, what's better FOR HER: implement her instructions and let her go or make her continue this way, possibly for years? Best wishes to you.
When people refer to "artificial" feeding, they are usually talking about PEG feeding or tube feeding, which issues tend to arise when the swallowing reflex is impaired. They are not talking about a demented person being assisted to eat puréed food.
I can imagine how emotionally draining it must be to witness your mother's state for four years; and you now have the loss of your father to mourn too. Has anything else changed in your mother's condition?