Is it normal for feeling like I am suicidal?

I think it's normal....as I have felt the same way. I hope you'll reach out to a friend just to talk and let your feelings out, - including here! We care! and/or get to doctor. I too have worked all my life, and have next to nothing left to show for it now, and alone taking care of my dad with no help. I also live in chronic pain. I have felt suicidal at times. I got medication to help with the stress, depression and hopelessness. It has definatley helped. Life is still very difficult being a caregiver. It's the most stressful, difficult job there is. I try hard to strive to look forward with hope, knowing it won't always be this way.

Hope, I'm sorry your life is so hard. Please don't kill yourself. It is common, but not really "normal," to feel suicidal.

You said in your profile that you feel like a failure. That is a sad side effect of living in this country in this century. Once upon a time, you might have believed that being "stuck" and becoming poor from caring for your parents was part of God's plan, and that you would get your reward in heaven. Nowadays, the culture tells us that if we can't buy an enormous flat screen TV, that we are failures.

You are doing a job that is "God's work," but society doesn't value it much at all. You are paying a financial price for doing the right thing. Please don't believe "them" when they tell you you're a failure. Please try not to feel shamed by your "lack of success." Poverty and a hard life are depressing enough without adding blame to it. (Read Elizabeth Warren's book, "The Two-Income Trap," to learn more about how easy it is for hard-working people to lose everything.)

Your situation is very hard, but there are practical things you can do to get some relief. Google "Area agency on aging" with your city, state and county, to get the number to call for advice.

It is not selfish to take care of yourself. What would happen to your parents if you did hurt yourself? Are their lives more important than your life? NO. You and your parents all deserve to have a decent life with good parts and bad parts, but bearable. If I had to choose between saving my life and saving my mother's life, I think it would be wrong to choose her. As much as I love her, she has had her life. Maybe now she would be too afraid and helpless, but when she was still herself, she would have saved me rather than herself. Your "real" parents would want you to be all right. That is the measure of success of a parent. Are my kids all right? If they aren't all right, do I still love them?

Until you can get relief, make up an alternate plan. You could pack your car, tell your brother he's in charge now, and drive to Florida for a month. I know you "can't" really do that, but it IS an alternative to suicide. You could pack your parents up and leave them at the emergency room and take a bus to another city and find a women's homeless shelter. Not a nice plan, but it is an alternative to suicide. You would get to start fresh, feel better, and come back home stronger. And your parents wouldn't have to suffer the loss of their daughter. Think up an exit strategy that you can believe in.

I remember planning that I would abandon my husband and daughter and run off to California. It was better for my daughter to have a mother that had abandoned her, but would come home someday, than a mother who had killed herself. Fortunately, I never got quite that desperate, but that's what I told myself when the suicidal thoughts go too loud. I wasn't allowed to kill myself, but I was allowed to run away - to escape.

Believe that there are actual ways to make your life better. Give us details and we will offer useful practical advice. This will not last forever, and it can start getting better today. Feel our love and support, and have a tiny bit of hope and faith.

I wish we had more details... Hang in there. You could be me. I've been where you are, and have felt what you feel. I get it. But I'm still here, in spite of it all, and I refuse to give up and break. Things WILL get better, no doubt about it. Let us know that you're alright. You have US, and we'll always be here for you. *hugs*

Hope I'm so sorry you're going through this. From your profile it is clear you've been a wonderful daughter to both of your parents. Sometimes us caregivers put our loved ones' needs way above our own needs. I know I've been guilty of that a lot in the last 12 years.

I go through ups and downs too. I have briefly thought of suicide in the past just as a way to get back at my brother for his lack of care or concern about our parents or the toll caregiving has taken on me. I figured it I was out of the picture, he'd have to take over and then he'd understand. But then I get back to being myself and understand that I'm not alone and that I DO matter and my needs DO matter. I hope you'll get to that point too.

Please call your local social services agencies (or United Way office) to find some free counseling. You deserve to be happy and healthy and to find your place in this world where you're valued beyond your role of caregiver. We're here to listen and share your feelings. You are NOT alone.

Please ask for help, it sounds like you really need someone to talk to. (http://suicidehotlines.com/). If you message me, I'll send you my e-mail. You aren't alone. I don't see how you are doing it alone. I had to get myself some respite care after a year. All of us here understand what you are going through. Reach out to us!!!

Hope22 I read on your profile you are close to your brother! PLEASE give him a call now and let him know how you're feeling!! We are here for you!! Try to get some respite care!!
Hugs....

these are difficult and uncertain times. we all are fearful and sometimes cant see any daylight. its hard to do but try to see how desperate the situation is in other parts of the world. in parts of africa people are burning electronic waste on the river banks to recover the miniscule amounts of scrap metals. after a hard days work they are able to afford food or shelter but not both. and yea, the black toxic smoke from the salvage burning is causing them health problems and no doubt a reduced life span. then some urethera ( d**k - hole ) tries to cheat them out of the actual value of the metals.

Dear Hope,

I think feeling suicidal is a huge symptom that you need to take care of ASAP. I don't think it's normal to want to blow your brains out and is indicative of how burned out, alone, and exhausted you are. You would rather be dead than go on being the only caregiver and that is something we all understand. Feeling suicidal is a HUGE RED FLAG that you need assistance, ANY kind of assistance and as soon as possible. I too would suggest that you call the suicide hotline, not only do they listen but they have resources available that may be suitable for you.

I'm so glad that you wrote to us but we can only do so much here in our little corner of the internet. Keep writing and letting us know what's going on and take steps to take care of yourself. PLEASE!

Hope22, what a great name, hold on to he hope and please call the help lines. You have been through a lot, I jojn the others who will hold you in prayer

I understand how you feel and I felt the same way you do at times. Sometimes I felt like there was no escaping the pain. You feel the pain deep inside because you care. You are a kind caring person and your parents are lucky to have you. There is light ahead and some of the best days of your life are yet to come. You are not alone, we are right here to support you!