Is it normal for someone with dementia to make up memories?

Since she has gaps in her memory, she is trying to fill in the gaps = new. never happened memories. If there isn't a safety problem. it may help to just go along with her in her new stories.

Since winter time makes her behavior worse, consider light therapy. She may need more UV light at that time of year. An OTT light or full spectrum light bulbs might help her get more UV light and sweeten her temperament.

kolea123: Your mother is confabulating because her brain is broken due to dementia. You could garner some information on the disease by reading such publications such as the book, The 36 Hour Day.

Absolutely. My father, an only child, suddenly had 4 brothers in Indiana according to my 85 year old mother in her last year of dementia.

My mother did make up stories in her mid-90's that she was quite sure were real. At first, I was insulted and hurt that she was pretending that she did nice things for me as a child that she definitely had not done.

After a while I changed my mind and my attitude. After many years of intentional separation (intentional on my part) and many years of therapy I moved back to the state where my mother lived and helped my sisters with her care. After my initial hurt at her "memories" of kind things she had supposedly done, I decided that somewhere in her mind the revisions to the past were a sort of wish to change the past and to have been a better mother.

Although I did not agree with her that those things happened, I did tell her things that were happy memories. This was useful to both of us. As for the fake memories, I would simply say, "I don't remember that" or "I don't remember it that way." She did not have dementia, but some of her memories did get a bit confused. She might remember a real event but place it in the wrong city or featuring the wrong daughter.

She also had a good memory for food. In her case most of the meals or fancy desserts she remembered she had made, but a few of them were actually made by someone else.

I have very few good memories of childhood, but Mom and I managed to make some good memories in her final years. No, I would not put my children in this position, but my sisters and I did manage to have some pleasant times talking to Mom about things she enjoyed. We found that looking at photo albums very helpful, as photos were only taken at good times. Looking at the photos, she would come up with stories about the occasions represented there.

I hope that you have family to share your caregiving. It helps if you can get a break from your Mom. I could really only handle being with Mom for a couple of hours once or twice each week. It was of some help to my sisters, but more would have made me impatient with her and less able to find ways to make peaceful and enjoyable visits. If you find that you really are stretched too thin, find a way to spend less time with her, even if that means putting her in MC. If it is going that way, plan on placing her sooner rather than later for your own peace. You will be better able to give her the companionship she needs if you can come at it from a place of peace and rest, rather than stress and irritation. Sometimes less time with a parent is a much better time for you both.

Yes, that is very normal. Take it as her trying to bring up warm happy memories and enjoy the good mood. If she can't recall the nice memories, she might be adding in some or mixing in her own childhood memories. Hard to say. Go with it, never argue. You will just frustrate both of you. Maybe add in real ones that are happy fir you. Have a memory session. When you are at her point in life, happy memories are mostly what you have to live for besides food, visits, and dsys you actually feel okay.

When I finally submitted and stopped trying to keep my Mom in her pre-dementia state, I found my very best friend EVER. Still the hardest and most cherished time of my life.

I am re-posting below, a list of invaluable tools that I found on this site. I followed similar tips, and they work! The list you read after the book info you can apply right away. :) They can't change their behavior, so we have to change ours. Here you go, and God bless!

Post: Dementia and/or dementia-like behavior can be extremely difficult & frustrating to deal with, that's for CERTAIN!

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.

The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2

She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.”

https://www.amazon.com/Isnt-Common-Sense-Interacting-Dementia/dp/1481995995/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468655&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-4

Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:

The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience

The Do's
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment

Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently

Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner

It is called confabulation.
It is not unusual, but it is not the "normal" functioning of a healthy brain.

Not only did my mom have false memories, she remembered those memories very well, while forgetting real happenings. For months she remembered that "a relative" of ours who worked at the bank had called and told her she had to move out of the house because she only had $400 left. I storied back and convinced her that the $400 was what she had in one account at that particular bank, but she had much more at another bank. I showed her how much she had coming in every month. That would settle it for about an hour, then she would come with the same memory of the phone call, same amount of money, worried how she was going to move and where. I decided to tell her that the relative was nuts, which she agreed with, and then would go on about all her relatives being nuts. She was convinced for several months that a group relatives had written to say they were going to come visit. They were all actually dead. She didn't want to let them in, so closed the blinds and turned off all the lights. I told her they would call first, to which she would answer, "You don't know my relatives", and I'd say I did because they were mine too. But it turned out in further conversation that they weren't her real relatives. Hilary Clinton was one of them and I'd never heard of the rest. This went on and on for months. Then one day she was all dressed up, sitting in the living room, blinds open, lights on. She had decided to let them in. My heart hurt for her.

Not sure if this will work for patient, but my daughter lived in a foggy city and used a "S.A.D." light that tricked her brain into thinking those days were summer sunny.

My mother hasn’t been diagnosed with dementia but her cognitive decline is something her geriatrician is aware of.
My mother has been gradually remembering things I have done as things she did for a long time. Sometimes she was there at the time but not in the role she claimed. It used to drive me nuts and I felt like she was gradually stealing my life. As it has gotten worse I have learned to let her have her “memories” since they mean so much to her. We have similar interests but she encouraged me to follow them where her family and the culture at the time would not let her do the same things. In a way she can finally feel like she has done them and it makes her happy. It is a compliment that she has chosen my life to take in as her memories. After she is gone my memories will be my own again so if she needs to borrow them for a while that’s ok.
So far she hasn’t had any personality changes, she has always been stubborn! You do have your hands full!

When my husband with Parkinson's was tested by the neuro-psychologist I mentioned several events like you describe. She was able to put a name to the issue... CONFABULATION... or Honest Lying because the person believes what they are saying. So, the same as others here have suggested, confabulation may be what your mother is exhibiting... it is a real symptom of brain disorders such as dementia.

Search the term Confabulation in Google.com and you will see a lot of links to websites that provide more insights. Just be sure the sites you use are medical sites... NIH, Mayo, WebMD, Medical Universities, etc. to get clearer information. It goes along with a lot of brain disorders.

If the stories are not about untrue frightening events, it doesn't necessarily need treatment with medicine as many have suggested but definitely needs more patience and understanding on the part of the caregiver. Knowing the name for the issue has definitely helped me ignore his statements and cope better as a 24/7 caregiver. It is still hard to listen to him say things in public that I know not to be true especially when those listening may not be aware of his condition.

Note to Learn2Cope... my husband did this long before I was completely aware of just how much his cognitive decline had become an issue. You may want to discuss this with her doctor.

She isn’t having new memories per se. Her mind is just mixed up, as it happens with dementia. Anxiety is also a part of dementia. Ask the Dr for an anti anxiety med and see if that helps.

Caregiving is one of the most difficult challenges a person can ever face. Now that you see this, if possible, get your own ducks in a row. Get long term health ins if you can afford it, get your will, living will and advance directives made clear now, so your kids won’t have as much to deal with. You need to do these things when your mind is clear.

My mother does not have dementia, per se, but I have observed something similar happening for years. I don't know if personality has anything to do with it, but she has always had an excellent memory and never admits to being wrong about anything. She occasionally will tell a very detailed story that I know did not happen, or did not happen the way she is telling it. I am not sure when it started, because I am sure there are times when she remembered detailed stories that I wasn't paying that much attention to. But now I notice the changes in stories that I have heard her tell all my life that have fundamentally changed. I think she, or her brain, cannot accept not being able to remember details so it just fills in the blanks. I do not challenge or correct her unless there is very compelling reason to do so. (My mother also has extreme anxiety and is very negative.)

Yes

This is normal, my aunts used to make up the most ridiculous stories. You just have to let yourself become amused by them. When depression, anxiety or just plain meanness starts rearing it's head, put on music from your mom's era - it really helps!

Yes it is normal. I would just let it go. there is medication for the anxiety, lorazepam, and I think what you’re describing is what we called sundowners where they get worse towards evening and winter time.

My Mrs. was very similar. Caution-the lorazepam can knock her out. we cut it up in quarters as best we could so as to calm her down versus knock out.
If you get a caregiver, get nanny cams for the protection of your valuables, sentimental or otherwise, actually just lock them all up, and the protection of her and to make sure they’re doing their job.
I had one caregiver everybody liked and I fired her and they asked why. I showed them the nanny cam tape where she was acting arrogant and rude and actually kicked the misses and gave her a bruise. Another caregiver wrote in the log that she got up all night and did her job but I checked the cam and she hadn’t done anything.
Also, Hide the medication or someone will give it to her to knock her out so they don’t have to deal with her.
You really need to look into all the caregiving stuff and get educated.
get help - sounds like you can see down the road that burn out is in your future if you don’t otherwise. Good luck and God bless you because you are her angel.😇

My dad is 96 and was in management at the same company for 35 years. He continues to focus on his role as a manager and that he's been entrusted with overseeing others at his MC center. He says he's been trusted with documents (a pile of used napkins) and was extremely agitated when they were discarded. He has many wild stories and the director at the MC believes some of them might be dreams. I've just learned to go along with them. He has been on anti anxiety meds for about 5 years. Sadly, he is back to 'fixating' more again. Things have taken on a new importance like his watch going out. I tried to get the old one fixed but was unable to a few weeks ago so I bought him a new one. It was a big deal to him. As of Saturday, he does not remember anything about all of this and believes a 'man' brought it. (I am his daughter and legal guardian/ conservator).

My BIL doesn't have Dementia (that we know of), but he had a stroke when he was young. Since then, he's constantly making up memories. It's called "confabulation". Their brain makes up memories, but they 100% believe it happened. Their mom passed over 10 years ago, but he has stories of her being around more recent. She had difficulty walking, but he says they went for long walks all the time. We've stopped correcting him unless it's something very important. To him, he's been skydiving, climbed mountains, etc. All things he's never done and would never do.

It's very common.
The anxiety may be due to low D3 and zero access to sunlight; you could have her checked for it and have it supplemented. She may also be sun-downing and increasingly intolerant of the longer winter days.
My Mom, at 88, was talking to me last evening about how we should do potluck for our XMas dinner and told me she'd been shopping all day. I just talked about recipes with her for the remainder of the call.

My Moms stories got quite Intricate . Mostly about seeing Elvis in concert Many times . My son Kept asking Me " is this True I never heard that before . " When I had to Pick her up from her 80 Day Rehab stay - The Physical Therapist took me aside and asked which Sister I was ? He said " your Mother is Not Independent - she told Me Last night she saw the Beatles at the Melody tent a couple weeks ago . " I was Not healthcare proxy and Not privy to her medical care yet I took care of her alone for 2 weeks till the VNA Nurse arrived and we had to call 911 . My Mother kept saying " Its the weirdest thing I Can not smell or taste anything . I never thought something Like this would Happen to me . " It was awful she could Not stand and could hardly swallow and refused to eat . I Look at the stories as creative and a way of Making her Happy . One story she told me did not Make me Happy - in Fact It was quite upsetting . When she told me about Elvis I Just smiled .

My mother thought she was going to marry Elvis. She bought the ring and would sit looking out the front window waiting for him. She sat in her special wheelchair pleating with her fingers whatever she could - a napkin, an afghan, the bottom of her jacket. It made her happy to have the memories of her courtship with him, even though it never happened. Died age 95, cause listed as dementia.

My 96 year old dad does this all the time. I've learned to let it go. His memory care believes that he might be having dreams about some of this because he sleeps a lot.

Hallmark Channel at least keeps weird fill-in memories pretty G rated.

When my husband had his stroke, when they left the TV on in his room he would get sucked into it often. As I was unable to be in the room (covid lockdowns) I asked the nurses to just keep it off. I could only "be with" him via ipad, so as far as he was concerned during recovery that was just how reality happens-- through speakers. Then his brain filled up with his own weird imaginings. I could see him playing with his ipad (that was on the table not in his hands) and vaping the pulse oximeter (or trying to. hes 6'4" and so they had to four-point him. he ket trying to throw himself out of bed to pee. while catheterized. no information to him was sticking in his memory or understanding.)

I'm finding a lot of similarities between that stroke/aneurysm recovery and my mom's gentle drifting off into space. (this is what my mom calls it herself. Lost in space.) She realizes after awhile that these rich vivid memories are actually the TV, and is getting scared that sometimes she does not.

She must have know it was happening for awhile - when she isn't feeling well, Hallmark is on consistently. When her brain "feels wrong" she leaves hallmark on, otherwise I think its whateverCBS lineup). She'd explained it before I can't remember the exact way she described it.

The beachcoming metaphor worked best. On the beach are these shells of memory, then the wave rushes in, sending them all tumbling, and she's left walking up and down the beach trying to figure out which shells are the ones she started with, and which are the new ones brought in by the tide

My mom creates stories that OBVIOUSLY aren't real and I am convinced she has dementia or something

TV and dreams become part of their reality. They can't tell the difference. Mom one time asked me if she had done this one thing. I said no, she said "must have dreamt it". Another time she told me the doctor wanted to talk to me. The Dr. was Dick VanDyke in diagnosis Murder. At the time I told her that was the TV and she seemed to realize it was.

Its all part of the brain dying.

Oh the stories... My dad loved to watch Walker Tx Ranger,, until he "became" Chuck Norris,, LOL he would have done everything he watched. And he lived at some point in our WV neighbors house,, we could not get him over this story ever. If he saw a group of workers when we were going somewhere, he knew them all and they used to work for him, We just left it roll,, except we did stop watching Walker as he was getting fiesty!

I have an entire folder on my computer called "Stories About Dan," and it contains emails I sent to myself chronicling the adventures of my mother's imaginary husband. He was a real person -- her first boyfriend when she was 15 -- but she hadn't seen him since 1944 and he'd been dead for 10 years when she conjured his visits up out of thin air.

He magically appeared as her new husband a few weeks after my dad died, and for the next 2 1/2 years we were regaled with tales of his heroism. He worked for NASA and was on the roof of the nursing home dismantling a satellite that had crashed there, he was a telephone lineman, and he was a private pilot for the Kennedys and flew the whole family to Hyannis Port for the funeral of a Kennedy grandchild (someone was always dying in that family dontcha know), and Dan not only flew the plane with one hand, he held the dying infant in his other as it expired. (It had been born with only half a head, you know.)

These tales went on and on, and she even convinced a visitor that she had indeed remarried to the extent that said visitor trotted off to the Rotary Club newsletter editor, shared the news, and it was published in their monthly newsletter!

That was a fire I never expected to have to put out!

If you never want to do this to your children, I suggest at the first major medical crisis in your life, you decline major medical treatment and let Nature take its course.

That's how things went in this country as recently as the 1940s -- Crisis --> decline over the course of months, not years --> death. Now we have far too much medical intervention that allows us to live long enough for our brains to fail before our bodies, and I'm not sure that's a good idea.

"Confabulation" is the stories the elders with dementia make up for God knows what reason, except that their brains are riddled with holes and no longer work properly. Yeah, they ARE 'making up stories' so you can call it whatever you like.........but they're invented stories that they believe, a/k/a confabulation. In fact, here is the definition:

Confabulation is a symptom of various memory disorders in which made-up stories fill in any gaps in memory.

My mother, when her dementia was advanced, started telling me these fantastic stories of how her 'girls' (at the Memory Care ALF) would take her and all of her belongings to a new & lovely hotel every night, but before hand, they'd take her to a fancy restaurant for a huge feast, and then to a club for some wonderful entertainment, then off to the fancy new hotel for the night. She'd say how exhausted she was from 'all that running around' when in reality, she'd never left the Memory Care campus.

When her Sundowning got bad and her false memories weren't so great, I got the PA to write her a script for Ativan .25 mgs which helped her A LOT, especially with the anxiety component. When hospice came on board, they increased the dose to .5 as needed, and she did quite well, all things considered. If you are going to take care of mom at home, get her PCP involved to write prescriptions as needed to help her AND you through this transition which can be very difficult. I don't think you're wrong to ask questions, or that your mom is 'wrong' to be acting as she is; it's just part & parcel of dementia which is a very difficult disease to manage for you, and for her to live through. #Truth. IMO, it's a lose-lose for all concerned; we lose ourselves in the caregiving role, and our mother's lose THEMSELVES to the dreadful disease they're afflicted with. I hate dementia with every ounce of my being.

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.

The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2


Best of luck to you & your mom.

I always suggest people look up Teepa Snow on YT when dealing with dementia, she will explain a lot and show ways of coping. Her older videos are longer with more information.

She isn't "making up" anything. She is experiencing organ failure and her brain is dying.
People don't get told that dementia is organ failure, and I think it one of the most egregious omissions in medical treatments.

Imagine how frightening and overwhelming it is to have your entire way of experiencing the world ripped to shreds and even your mind cannot be trusted.

I'm with you. I would never behave with my Kids the way/treat people the way she does, complain as she does. My Mom will be 80 in March. She makes up "memories" all the day long. I just tune out. I barely knew anyone her side of the family. She says she went to Loyola University in Chicago. Nope. She had my Sister at 18 & me at 20 and had moved to CA before I was born.

Your Mom is 96?!!! The thought of my Mom hanging on this long terrifies me. She is mean/nasty/arrogant/critical... Be good to yourself as best you can... How is your Mom's health? Do you have anyone else who pops around to visit-take a load off? You live with her? She has part time Caregivers? My Mom lives alone. I go up 2-3 times per month..

Yes, confabulation is a known symptom of dementia. As for anxiety, there may be meds that could help her. Mention that to her doctor and hope he can prescribe something. This will not get better.

I have a friend whose memories are that our other friend has been stealing her toilet paper. Also all her new underwear and her soup pot. It does get weird sometimes. And - heads up - paranoia can go along with making up stuff. Such as not remembering that they put jewelry in a bank deposit box and thinking that people are trying to break into the house to get it. Or have broken into the house and took it. And are trying to kill them (which is bad because you never want the dementia patient to think they can retaliate in a violent way). Be prepared.