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My mom is 93. 3 weeks ago she started to not feel well. Turns out she had a UTI and was treated with antibiotics. She still felt I'll and wanted to stay in bed and sleep , which is not like her. She started losing appetite and just slept pretty much around the clock. Which I then put 24-hour round the clock aids in her home as I live in another town, over 200 miles from her. I told the aid to tell her if she didn't start eating I would call paramedics. She told the aid if paramedics come she will not go to the hospital. So after one week of her staying in bed and not eating I drove to her home. I called hospice and got them in place while I was down there. It has now been over 3 weeks that she is still in bed and not eating. She is drinking water and will have a cup of tea. She has a bedside commode which she gets up and uses to urinate a tiny bit a couple of times of day , has not moved her bowels in over two weeks as there is no food in there at all. She has lost a lot of weight in 3 weeks. The hospice doctor can't find anything wrong on the outside everything seems to be okay and her lungs are still clear even though she's been laying in bed for 3 weeks. She is alert while laying in bed she will talk to you but she has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's so she talks a lot that doesn't make sense. My question is I don't know if she will recover from this or if she is at end of life?

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So sorry for the loss of your mom 🙏🏼
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Sorry for your loss.
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Kak
Very sorry for the loss of your mom. Wishing you peace and precious memories.
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You did well, Kak. Condolences on your mom's passing, and wishing you comfort and peace now.
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Oh….I am so sorry for your loss. There is such a turmoil of emotions….exhausted from her illness and taking care of her but heartbroken about the loss of that special person in your life. It makes me miss my mom all over again and she died last November. Take each day as it comes. I also cleaned out our family home. My dad built it in 1960 and my mom and dad lived there for almost 45 years, I had to clean it out quickly. I wish I had the time to cherish each item. Do that…allow yourself the time to grieve. You are closing an important chapter. My prayers are with you.
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May her memory be a blessing. Peace to you.
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((((((kak))))) my deepest condolences on your loss. So glad your mum's end was peaceful. Take care of yourself while you work on the house. I believe the tears will be healing.
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My sincere condolences. So sorry.
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Kak I am sorry for your loss.
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Oh My...It is so difficult to believe that they can sustain themselves on such a small amount of nutrition. You are correct 24/7 care can really add up. My mom died so quickly..only about three or four days after engaging hospice. I was upset that she died so quickly but what you are going through is so much more stressful. I am praying every day for your mom to have a peaceful passing.
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Kak2022 Mar 2023
So my mom passed tonight. 😭 She is now at peace in heaven. It took 2 1/2 months of not eating and drinking just tiny bits of water. I never thought she would last that long but she was comfortable and peaceful right till the end. Thank you all for the much needed prayers. Now the part of sorting thru 32 years of stuff in her home and then selling it. I am not looking forward to the tears I am sure I will be shedding while accomplishing what needs to be done. Thanks again for all your prayers.
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Kak,

Wishing you peace as you continue to care for your mother.

I am glad that hospice is on board with you. Still, it is so hard to watch our mother fading away.

My mom died in an ‘end of life’ hospice care home in 2021 at the age of 95.

I did the same as you are doing now. I prayed for a quick and peaceful death.

We are sad and relieved when our mother dies. We start to grieve long before they actually die.

Sending many hugs your way.
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"My Mom is 93".

Yes.
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We are still thinking about you and praying for you and your family. It can't fix the difficulties but it sure is great to know that you are not alone. You are not. Hang in there. Praying for strength and wisdom.
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Kak2022 Mar 2023
Mom is still here. Going into 3rd month bed bound, eating only very small amount of applesauce and some pudding. Maybe less then 100 calories a day. Drinks tiny bit of water. Not sure how long this will go on. I live 3 1/2 hours away so I came home to care for my husband and hired 24/7 aids. Hospice is also still in place. I am not sure how long she can last on basically no food. I will have to move her if she goes any length of time as the 24/7 aids are extremely expensive per week. I do not believe she can recover from this so I am praying God's will and hopefully it will be soon as I don't want to have to move her out of her home and I feel so bad seeing her like this. Anyway, thankyou for you prayers.
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So glad you updated us. I know this is so difficult. You are exhausted but you know the end of that exhaustion is losing your mom. It is such a difficult thing to go through. For some reason, God is giving you time. I did not have that with my mom. She died quickly and I wish I had a little more time with her. I pray for strength and wisdom for you and your family as well as strength for your mom, Glad she is peaceful. Keep us updated.
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January 2022 ago my mother (dementia) was hospitalized for a UTI. During her stay she went from talking nonstop and trying to run away, to refusing to move, feed herself and talk, and became incontinent. Multiple tests - nothing detected - overall good health. She was about 5 weeks on IV fluids. They moved her to “comfort care” and she suddenly decided to start talking in order let them know what she thought of their “comfort care”.

For the past year she’s been in a care home, now eating, back to talking nonstop (making little sense), but sadly, since she stopped moving, lost all her muscle mass. She refused any PT to get it back. She used to walk about 1/2 mile to a mile per day.

Doctors and nurses were certain she was at end of life a year ago. It’s very unpredictable.
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bluebell19 Mar 2023
This is happening to my MIL as well. She was hospitalized for a fall in November and went from 114 to 82 pounds in 2 months but is now stable and eating about what she was before the fall (still very little but enough to sustain). She went on hospice a month ago and will probably be released at the end of 90 days. She is still in SNF completely incontinent and bedbound but was living semi independently before this.
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Just checking on you. Hope all is well.
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Kak2022 Feb 2023
Mom is still here . Going on 7 weeks now with absolutely no food except a teaspoon or two of applesauce every couple days. She does still sip some water. She is still bed bound and has now stopped getting up to use bedside commode as she has become to weak and we talked her into wearing diapers , big relief knowing she will not fall. She sleeps most of the time but does wake and communicate with the aids. Not sure how long this will go. I never knew someone can go over 45 days with no food, especially a 93 year old sickly women. She is very peaceful though and in no pain. Which is amazing as she has a very tightly wound personality. Thank you for you prays and concern. It's been exhausting.
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This is what is called the natural progression to end of life. First they stop eating, then drinking. It is grueling to watch for sure, and harder on the family than on her. My mom was 95.5. I went through it. We had in-home hospice and they were wonderful. Hugs.
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My comment posted twice….
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Ninety-three. Think about that. Let her go in peace!
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bluebell19 Feb 2023
If only we could!
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kak2022,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. My mom did the same thing but went very quickly. She stopped eating about a week before she died. Along with dementia, she had congestive heart failure. I think her heart may have just stopped. I was so upset but cannot imagine watching a loved one decline as you are doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you that the Lord will give you wisdom and strength. Keep us posted.
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Kak2022 Feb 2023
Thankyou for you thoughts and prayers. My mom also has congestive heart failure, COPD and dementia, but she is still hanging on after not eating for 1 month now except for some applesauce here and there. She does sip water.
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She hasn't eaten a meal since 11/21. She takes a few bites, drinks some coke or ensure. She drinks water. Hospice says she doesn't need much to survive since she's bedbound. They say it can be a while but I don't see how.
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southiebella Feb 2023
Bless you.
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My MIL is 93 as well, with advanced dementia, uncurable UTI and been in decline in a SNF since a fall on 11/21. She has lost over 30 pounds (was only 114 to begin with), is not eating and sleeping most of the time. She started hospice last week.

I don't have any advice but I'm here if you need to talk with someone going through the same thing. This is upending everything I thought I knew about nutrition and human survival.
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Kak2022 Feb 2023
I am so sorry , it is not an easy journey. How long has she gone now without eating? What does Hospice say?
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I’m very glad that you have hospice on board. This was the best thing that you could have done for her.

Hospice nurses are very helpful and know the signs of death. The nurse will let you know when death is near.

In my experience, I found all hospice caregivers to be angels and they will keep her comfortable during this time of transitioning into death.

Hospice provides a social worker and clergy for your loved one and family members.

Wishing you peace during this difficult time.
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Having just lost my mom a few days ago (at age 80 with advanced dementia), I will add some personal details to all of the advice here, which I agree with 100%.

The last couple of weeks when my mom was in severe decline, I spent time each day pouring out my heart to her-- letting her know what a great mom she was, how much I appreciated everything she did for me, assuring her of the glorious future that awaits her, apologizing for my own inadequacies, expressing my sadness over what she has had to endure, and letting her know how much I was going to miss her, while encouraging her to let God know when she was ready and then run to Him because He was waiting, along with many other loved ones who preceded her.
Hospice will suggest making sure your mom knows you and other loved ones are going to be fine (finances, care, relationships, etc). I did that many times as well. Hearing is the last thing to go, so even as she gets closer to the end, she will still be able to hear you. Hospice advises to leave her alone as well, as some people will not let go until they are alone. And they need the alone-time to process everything. So I did not stand vigil 24x7 but checked in and made quiet time for just me and her.
My mom finally passed the day after her granddaughter visited. She grabbed onto her hand and didn't want to let go. She even let out a sound, trying to say something, just after her granddaughter walked away. ...If you pray, ask God to help you know all the right things to say and then say them. If you can, come back later or the next day and do it again. You might be surprised how much you want/need/are led to say. I believe this helped my mom, and it also helped me. I now look back with no regrets, realizing I said everything that I wanted to say and hopefully helped my mom cross over with peace. My caregiver said my mom had one of the smoothest transitions she had ever seen -- and I assure you, my mom lived a pretty anxious and fearful life, so that's saying something. May you and your mom both get through this transition period smoothly.
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I do not mean to be rude or dismissive in any way, shape or form.

What is 'wrong' with your mother is that she's 93. Nothing can change that. She has already lived well past the 'average' age span for women. It sounds as if her body is doing the normal natural things that a tired body DOES.

Not need nutrition any more. (Digestive system can't handle it)

Puts out very little, very dark urine. (Kidneys are shutting down)

Sleeps a lot.

She seems peaceful, right? Let her be. Let HER be the guidance by which you follow her care.

My mom, about a week before she passed, said to me that she felt really 'foggy' and what was happening. I didn't play coy with her. "Mom, you are dying. And it's OK. If you are tired, don't get up. Don't push through each day." She actually appreciated the truth.

The day after her favorite granddaughter was in town and had come to visit--mom passed on. I think she was waiting to see Meggie one more time.
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My father's vital signs were strong right till about 6 hours before he passed.

There was "nothing wrong on the outside" of him either. A brain tumor was taking his life. He was 91, bedridden for about 16 days before he passed.

Mom had advanced dementia and ongoing CHF when hospice came on board 2 months before she passed. She was still wheeled out to activities daily, still eating a little, drinking a little, but visibly declining. She was 95 and it was time. She passed without warning, surprising the hospice RN, by going to bed one day and never getting up again, much like dad did. She passed 7 days later of heart failure.

Nobody can tell you when another person's time is up. It's hard to go thru all of this, I know. Best of luck to you.
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She may not be ready to go too soon since her organs are still working. If the urine stops, she's in an irreversible decline. Peace to you and mom. Lean on hospice care for guidance; in my experience, they're very helpful and knowledgeable.
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As others have said, hospice is your best source, I just lost my mom of 93 years in November. I experienced the same thing….bed rest, little or no food and very little water. In my case, she failed very quickly….a few days. So I am not sure if there was something else that caused the rapid decline. Hospice was wonderful

I wish you God’s grace during this difficult time.
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Only God knows the day and time that He will call her home, but she certainly does seem to be showing signs that her life is winding down.
Hospice should better be able to answer any questions you may have regarding this.
Your mother is 93 years old. That's pretty old and she's probably just tired of this thing called living. Who can blame her?
Just make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid with her and enjoy as much time as you can with her before she leaves this world for the next.
God bless you both.
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It looks like it, but no one really knows. ((((((hugs))))) to you.
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