When he was with the general population, they told me how good it was for him. Now he is in memory care (nothing changed physically, just the location) and they feel like he shouldn't go out out so much because the staff doesn't get to know him. We go out for the weekends. He enjoys it, he's with people he knows and feels comfortable with and they want to cut him out of it. Of course, I am just the girlfriend sooooo. I also visit with him every day. If there are activities going on, I make sure he participates but they don't want me visiting so much either. What is your take on this
I'd be inclined to tell them to go suck eggs, but I would hear hear more details before I get rash.
Does he balk at returning after the outings or is he more difficult for staff to handle after you've left?
I spend a lot of time at my mom's momeory care in the evenings when as a rule there are no visitors and staff is busy putting folks to bed so those that have problem behaviors are left unattended - some nights it's quiet but some all hell breaks loose
I placed my mom in a memor care facility in a hurry from the hospital - their advice was it would be better for her to make only one move rather than to rehab and then memory care and I didn't want to send her to a nursing home
I thought she could still have a quality of life including going out - it has been difficult taking her back because she thinks I'm taking her home which she knows how to get to as the facility is in the same city however the last time I took her out after a dr appointment followed but a movie and dinner she threw a fit and wouldn't go back inside started hitting me and yelling for help and paddling away in he wheelchair -
I hate the thought of not being able to take her out but that scene could have ended with her getting hurt so unless I have someone with me to help I'm hesitant to try again - of course she could have just been having a meltdown and it might not happen again - as it is she's too dependent on me and spends most of the evening bugging staff about my whereabouts
He has PD, the disease will eventually take over where he won't be able to go out, is it so wrong of me to want him to have the best quality of life as possible until that happens
The administrator asked his daughter how much she wants me to visit, right now it's gone done to every day for as long as I wanted to stay to 3 days a week, 1 hr a day after not seeing him at all for a week. I can't help but feel like I've been set up.
One has to remember there are 2 to 3 shifts of Staff at a facility. What the day shift sees might be different from what the night shift observes, as MsMadge had written in her post above.
Patients with memory issues might get what is called "sundowning" where in the evening they become confused, not sure where they are, or what is going on. My Dad recently started with the sundowning and it has been difficult for me to wrap my own brain around what is happening. But I have noticed a pattern. If Dad goes out for a doctor's appointment or if it is one day where the routine is different, Dad's sundowning is much worse.
It could be that your boyfriend's daughter is also noticing that thus the reason for more of a routine for her Dad in the facility.
I've never heard of a non-family member being allowed to take a person who is in Memory Care off of the premises. So, the daughter must have signed something allowing you do that. Is that the case?
Maybe, they feel that if you are present, he might not engage with other residents as much. I'd ask them to explain their motivations. I would assume it's for the patients welfare. Most places that I know of love to have a happy and contented resident. I can't imagine why they would work against that.
You need to accept that you have no rights, and do what you have to to keep on her good side. If you don't, she can ban you completely. That sucks, but it's reality.
Of course the daughter has power of attorney. She changed things he had in place at the dr's office where I cannot get any info. I feel like if he had that in place she should honor her father's desire. Has she done anything illegal, no, she is just not respectful to his wants even though they r not out of line.
Each time we go out, he is returned the same day. We do not have overnights. He gets to see folks he's been seeing for years at the same venue. The people make a big to do over him and it makes him feel good. He's always receptive about returning to the facility. He's not given me a problem. Those of u who have loved ones in a facility, do u not want to keep their lives as normal as possible or is it not the thing to do. So far, going out seems to make it more acceptable for him.
Thx for all the responses.
Please note that since your boyfriend just recently moved into this facility, about a week or so ago, it is very common for the Staff to ask that the family remain away so that the patient can learn his/her way around, learn the Staff, get to meet the other people living there, and be in a set routine. Those with memory issues do better with a regular routine.
You keep saying that the feedback was good in regard to your boyfriend after he came back from being out with you or having you there for the day. I wonder if the night Staff would be saying the same thing.
My Dad recently was switched to assisted living care because his memory is slipping... during the day he seems fine, just a typical 94 year old... but if he goes out for a doctor appointment or in any way his routine is changed, at night he becomes quite confused. For me, as probably for your boyfriend's daughter, it is very tough to watch, because I/she have known this person our whole life, and to see our Dads fade like this is so very heartbreaking.