She is 91, raging narc with paranoid histrionics. Panic attacks that lead to hospitalizations. She also will go berserk sometimes over food-she can't get enough in her mouth fast enough.
She hired a lawyer and the lawyer is chasing down all the accusations she makes. I'm tired of this- nothing ever found. She also calls police and files reports. I've been accused of bank fraud- twice-poisoning her- twice-(lab reports came back showing nothing) Accused me of collecting my dad's VA benefits, (zero benefits paid) Manipulating her medical care, (her PCP wants more psychological testing done)
Being an only child I had HCP and POA. She has 2 small life ins policy's, which they sent to me -by mistake-forms to "change beneficiary" as per your request. ($2500.00 total, policy's are from the 1960's). I'm assuming this is the new lawyers work.
I do agree, she comes across as the most normal person you ever met, remarkable for her age, so the lawyer can be played, I've seen her sucker people for over a year before they caught on.....so ya, she can play one hell of a victim.
Isn't there some code of ethic's a lawyer is bound by when something smells fishy?
What happens when the lawyer ignores mental illness?
(she has been diagnosed as stated above)
What happens when lawyer realizes the client is on a vendetta and there is never anything found?
Do I have the right to tell this lawyer to cut the crap, and stop?
Do I need a lawyer to do this? Do I have the right to sue if I have to?
There are some things, and some people, and some mental illnesses, than CANNOT be 'fixed', no matter how hard you try or how much you want it to be fixed.
Your mother comes across as 'normal' because that's part of the mental illness. She's gotten SO good at manipulation, that she can sell an Eskimo an ice cube. She's got the lawyer(s) boondoggled, it sure sounds like. But what is she trying to accomplish, exactly? Without you as a willing recipient, there's no case, no need for a lawyer, no histrionics, and above all, no DRAMA, which is what she needs to thrive on.
Walk away. Don't look back.I don't care if she has $5,000,000 to leave you. There are some things money can't buy........and your sanity & peace of mind is one!!!
why would you stick around? Does she have to get you arrested before you get this message? Get away from her before you are formally charged!!!
Do you have a therapist who is working with you on these issues?
I think a consult with a lawyer about how to protect yourself from your mother is an excellent idea. I also think that you should walk away from your mom but you have said in another post something about your mother providing you and your family with "protection". Are you talking about an inheritance?
I grew up watching my cousins and other family members kowtow to a viscious, narcissistic old grandma who was "rich". When she died, it turned out she had nothing. All the real estate was mortgaged and her monetary assets had been left to someone else.
I was raised never to depend upon inheritance.
The ball is in your court, take care of you, she cannot continue to abuse you...if you don't interact with her. I said goodbye to my abusive mother 8 years ago, one of the best decisions I have ever made.
Daughter finally cut the cord and said "no more, Mom, I can't help you".
This FINALLY triggered the help the mom needed; she was evicted from her rent controlled NYC apartment (she hadn't paid rent in several years) and social services found her a nice AL, fully paid for by Medicaid. Her daughter visited; my daughter and her husband were on their way to visit when they got news....
Mrs. S knew better; she walked out of AL, was homeless for several weeks and died in an ER while awaiting treatment for an diagnosed infection.
Her daughter is sad, but does not feel responsible. There are some folks you just can't help!
Walk away.
Personally, I would resign my POA and all other responsibilities. Can't be accused when u aren't involved. Let the lawyer become her POA. She will have to pay him a fee. And may not like the way he handles her finances. Oh well. If there iscan inheritance, is it really worth all this.
mentally ill people ( especially bipolar ) are quite lucid and quite believable . they will destroy you .
im going thru it again with the same ex spouse . the only thing different this time is ive been able to forewarn our detective that as her adversary i thoroughly expect to stand and drip sht until everyone involved figures out that her halo is in fact made of flies .
not my first fn rodeo ...
Maybe I should have gave more detail. I have nothing to do with her- I walked away months ago- no looking back- no going back. The only thing is I quit, she hasnt. Just when you think Im done, Im free....she does something else. Co-dependant, Im not sure- I hung in their way to long trying to do the right daughter thing, its just how she is, and for most of my early days- I knew it was my fault- childhood. I read a lot, especially on this site, these threads taught me more than I could do on my own. Im sure POA and HCP has been terminated by now- and all I want is to be free of the accusation. If you knew my mother you would know its not about an inheritance AT ALL. That money would be so cursed it would just continue the nightmare of her existence. I dont give a dam about one dime, lets be clear.
What I want to know is, does the lawyer have boundaries that should not be crossed. Is it ok for me to let him know her past stunts b/c as of right now, Ive done all this to her. Whats the rules when he figures out its mental issues, lies and drama vendetta's. Is it ok for me to mention medical dx's?
unless you can prove to the lawyer (I mean actual evidence of her malicious intent)...he will continue to act in her behalf.
you need to write a letter resigning from any and all involvement with her. You need to move and change your phone number
do not expect that she has taken any action to protect you...take care of this yourself. Don’t just remove yourself from her presence....remove yourself in every way, and do it in writing. Then cut off all contact. Make it so that she cannot find you.
Wishing you the best of luck disentangling yourself from this toxic mother. Sending you a big hug and a prayer for a good resolution.
So glad to hear that you have moved on and you are doing well as long as you are left alone.
I would not be in a hurry to contact an attorney for advice because it may be money that is spent unnecessarily but I feel that it may not be a bad idea to send your mother's attorney a certified letter and tell him/her to take you to court or leave you alone because I feel that he is harassing you (at your mother's request of course). If he does actually take you to court that is when you should hire an attorney. It also appears that your mother's attorney is making easy money off of her, because if the allegations that your mother is accusing you of are true it seems that her attorney would have filed charges against you already. I hope that things work out well for you.