How can I legally stop being my Mom's Healthcare POA in North Carolina? Sisters are slowly killing me.
I posed this question before and no one answered me. Sometimes I wonder if the reason no one here answered my original question is because they think I'm bad for wanting to stop being my mother's Healthcare POA. The only reason she chose me is because my brother and I were the only ones that showed up to the appointment the day the papers were drawn up. She didn't choose me because she believed I was the best suited to be her Healthcare POA, she chose me by default.
I want to stop being the Healthcare POA and stop being the back-up Financial POA because my sisters are making my life a living hell and my brother is not helping at all even though he is the Financial POA. I'm just the back-up Financial POA, but he still expects me to sign all the papers and do what he should be doing.
I'm the youngest in my family and my sisters treat me like their whipping boy - they have no respect for me. They just want to complain, scream and belittle me. They won't listen to my opinions because they think they're right about everything. They just talk over me and won't let me get a word in edgewise. I have wanted to commit suicide many times over these last months - that's how desperate I feel to have this burden lifted. I have tried and tried to "hang in there" for my mother, but I can't take it anymore.
Since my sisters want to bully me and be in charge of all the decisions,anyway, it seems like they would be happy to consent to becoming Healthcare POA and Financial POA (my brother wants to give up his POA, too, because of my sisters) but they won't. I even offered to pay out of my own pocket for the new legal POA documents to be drawn up by an attorney, but they refuse to take on the responsibility. They want to continue to criticize everything, but have none of the burden of being the POA's. Maybe if I step away, they'll be forced to step up and become the POA's.
I don't know if I can just stop being POA by refusing to do anything else, or if I actually have to fill out a form or sign a paper or something. I live in North Carolina and I've tried to find information online to see if there is anything I need to do to legally relinquish being Healthcare POA and back-up Financial POA, but I can't find the information anywhere.
If anyone out there knows the proper procedure in NC for not being POA anymore, please let me know, as I'm desperate to get this resolved.
But if you want to protect your butt from any future legal actions against you, I'd go to an elder law attorney and make it all legal that you resign as POA. I believe they give you a free consultation. After that, you pay.
And don't worry about getting no answers on your previous post. That hardly ever happens and was most likely a fluke. It wasn't because people did approve.
He never did answer my specific question as to how I can resign. He seems to be very young and inexperienced and I got the impression that he only wanted to be involved if he could make more money. He had done the original POA papers, etc., as part of a "package deal" at my mother's local state employee's credit union bank.
I guess I'll call an elder law attorney tomorrow and make an appointment - and then tell my husband that we have to spend our money to have this done right. I was hoping there would be a more simple way for me to handle it on my own, but I've done more research on NC State statutes and it's confusing and complicated.
I too, have siblings who want nothing to do with our Mother. Oh but they and all the other family members have so much to say about how her care should be. I'm her 24 hour care provider, too. I've been so burned out for year's because of the lack of support. I've given twelve years of my life to make her happy and I promised to never put her in a home. However I'm so worn out and used up! Not only does my Mother treat me poorly but so does my family. My love, loyalty and kindness feels like it's all been in vain. I do know that I'll meet my maker and yes I've done the right thing, or have I? I have also tried to do what you are struggling with. And like you either you get no response and fall into their ignoring crack's or they want money and a lot of your time. So this is the only solution that would be full proof. It's completely drastic and you might even get more help from other's after I suggest this. That would be nice right? Desperate times sometimes call for desperate measures. If you have the ability to take time off of work let's say two week's should be sufficient or maybe just a bit longer. You're already at a point that you feel suicidal and who wouldn't be! However your job doesn't need to know anything except that you need time off to take care of a family emergency. Admit yourself into the ER and tell them exactly what is happening to you however not that you're going to be just fine if you get someone to take over. You've already tried that one, right? It hasn't worked for you so this could be your only saving grace. You can not be condemned for being mentally unfit to be your Mother's POA! Play the role which really isn't a role because you are feeling mentally incapable like it at times and helpless anyway. If you weren't even this hopeless I would be like the rest and suggest the same. However I'm in your shoes and they're not! The Doctor's can't contact your work so I wouldn't even worry about that. Infact you might even have good enough insurance that will allow you to go into a hospital if you are having a mental breakdown. Either way you look at it, you still could use to have someone take care of you for a change. You deserve to give yourself self care and you're not going to get it the way you've been trying. Unfortunately in today's society no one seems to want the burden of this dilemma unless of course it's about the money. You're not lying either you are at the jumping point now and you can't take life on life's terms any longer. This will get you out of this unfortunate situation that could have been good for you or I, if we'd had the love and support of our family along with the due respect we deserved. If you are deemed unfit to fufill this responsibility then they have to remove you. And I don't know of any court that will throw you in jail or fine you for being mentally incapable of being the POA. Your brother and Sisters will then be forced to take on the responsibility or the state will take over. I was forced to walk through door of the ER when I was at my jumping point! Yes, I was deemed unfit and my duties we're removed and given to a cousin who reluctantly accepted the position. I returned to work after I took a needed self care break and I have been recovering ever since which has been so over due. If your family is pissed at you because of this, well sounds like you could use happier and better people in your life anyway. God bless you my dear for doing what you thought was the right thing. And really in a better supportive society when it comes to this type of sad situation would have definitely been the right thing. However we were set up to fail and it's not your fault and it's not mine. We are only human beings who also deserve to be treated fairly and morally by doing something out of love. Take care of yourself afterwards and don't feel the least bit guilty for doing the right thing when you were disregarded as worthless and the go to person for their own selfish needs.
God bless and may you find peace.