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90 yr old mother alcoholic. Mom lives in a senior facility- not assisted living. My sister and I visit daily and buy her personal needs. Mom has always had a glass of Brandy as a night cap of which dr approved. However- to make a long story short- mom started losing weight, complaining of memory loss. After a clean bill of health and a family meeting we realized she was using several family members and friends to purchase brandy. Good lord- we realized she's consuming a lot. I was elected the "voice" and confront a mom. We had an awesome conversation- so I thought. I just need some feedback- She is mentally competent but I don't want to enable. Do I take the chance she gets angry and finds a friend to buy anyway- or keep my mouth shut? At this point I fear she may fall and since I have the medical poa- could I be liable for her poor choice?

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Just straighten it out by having ONE person in charge of the brandy cellar. She may still get some from fellow residents, but you can't be everywhere. Now about the clean bill of health; did that include neurological evaluation? At 91 would expect to see brain atrophy on a CT scan and bloodwork with some decline in liver and kidney function, possibly a touch of anemia. Perfectly normal if you are over 90. She is amazingly resilient and night caps within moderation are good vasodilators.
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Yes- she had everything- heart and major arteries in neck and legs, neurological, upper and lower gi, blood work- you name it. Dr's amazed at her health.. She's never had a head ache, never takes prescription drugs. We even had eyes, ears done because she was complaining of dizzying and confusion. Lol- we never thought it was bcus cocktail hour started right after lunch and her loss of weight bcus she stopped going down for afternoon activities and dinner bcus "I am just too unsteady on my feet"! And skippimg breakfast bcus she says " I am half sick to my stomach in the morning " (hangover) So instead I have spent weeks have a thorough medical eval. I have to find some humor in it bcus the symptoms she has is everything on the list of elder alcohol abuse. I love mom- and just worried I am going to find her on the floor one of my visits.
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You can't be liable for anything. She is considered a high fall risk based on her age and her drinking. You are not responsible if she falls whether she's been drinking or not.

You are also not responsible for her drinking. You can choose to not participate in her consumption by refusing to buy her booze but you are unable to change her or her behavior or her drinking. You don't possess that kind of power. None of us does. You are also unable to control what she does when you're not looking (like getting friends to buy her booze).

I understand your concern but at her age she's not likely to make any major life changes (like quitting drinking). The elderly are at risk for alcohol abuse believe it or not. It's a coping mechanism.

All you can do is be a good daughter and it sounds like you're already doing that.
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Update: Mom called me this morning- again not feeling well. Told her I would be over at noon to to bring lunch. I decided to go early to visit. I surprised her- at 11am she had 3/4 of a water glass of Brandy and no ice or soda water to cut it. I was so upset. Angry out of concern. I said "mom, its morning- what are you doing? You complain of not feeling well and can't see it's because of drinking? She didn't say a word. Then I looked at her bottle- 1.75 liter. In 3 days she drank 3/4! I told her I could no longer support this- she's probably destroying her liver among being malnourished and dehydrated. The elephant is out and I told her she could find someone else to help kill her. She still didn't say anything so i told her I love her and hope she will think. Now all I can do is wait. She called my sister and told her what happened- my sister asked her "do you think you drink too much? " Mom didn't reply. Sister is giving her a shower tomorrow and said she will back me up because she too is very worried. Hopefully this will turn out well but I have zero expectations.
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If your mother chooses to continue to drink and not consider rehab, relinquish your responsibility as her medical POA. Though you are not liable for her choices if she is still considered competent, why put yourself through this emotional nightmare.
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