Limiting cigarette consumption for dad with short term memory loss. Any suggestions?

My oldest brother smoked like a chimney! He was bored after he had a horrible accident and could no longer work. Some people do smoke more when they are bored.

It’s a habit and people who start smoking when they are very young find it extremely difficult to quit.

My mom used to pray for her sons to be able to quit smoking. Well, my other two brothers had heart attacks! My older one stopped smoking but gained a lot of weight! He doesn’t smoke anymore though. The younger one quit and gained weight too and went back to smoking and lost his weight. I think it is very common for people with vices to quit one and start another one, such as overeating. My mom felt bad about my brothers having heart attacks and told God, “I didn’t want them to have heart attacks!” LOL

I am always amazed at how my dad quit smoking cold turkey because my mom hated him smoking. He picked up a smoking habit like many other soldiers did in WW11. Most people can’t quit cold turkey.

My uncle who had his larynx removed still smoked! He figured that he was dying anyway with cancer, so why quit now. People say that it is a very tough habit to break.

My vice is coffee! If someone took my coffee away from me, I wouldn’t be a happy camper! I don’t care as much about food but I am passionate about coffee! When I was dating my husband he took me to a coffee tasting at a new coffee shop that opened in our area. I was in heaven! I loved them all but found the Turkish coffee to be really strong, even for me. I really enjoyed the Kona from Hawaii. My husband told me it was the most expensive coffee they sold. I suppose that I have expensive taste. He tells me that I can go into a shop without seeing any price tags and am automatically attracted to the most expensive items.

I am glad that your dad is smoking fewer cigarettes.

Great idea. Maybe it helped him see just how much he was smoking.

Whatever works.

Donte, that was very clever and I am glad that it is working out for your dad.

I doubt very much that there is any way to limit smoking by an elder who is determined to smoke unless they are in care. One half pack a day doesn't constitute a heavy smoker. Your father is apparently well and able enough to live on his own alone. That means his access to cigarettes is limitless.

UPDATE! I finally found a simple device to “SLOW” dad down. We bought a coin-operated mechanical pencil vending machine. I filled it up and placed it in his apartment. He did not like it at first and wanted us to take it away, but we stayed the course and kept it there. It took about two weeks for him to stop complaining about it and fully accept it as the new way to get his cigarettes.

I fill it up during my once-a-week grocery delivery visit. At first, the machine would be empty to nearly empty after the 7 days, but now when I go to fill it up there are lots of cigarettes still in there. It seems to have worked out well.

Dad has slowed down his smoking a bit and stopped hoarding and hiding cigarettes all around his apartment. The best thing is that I am no longer getting those EMERGENCY calls during the week to bring him more cigarettes.

I hope this can help someone who was in my shoes.

I remember seeing my grandfather rolling his own cigarettes. Many older people did so.

Later on though, he bought cigarettes.

Is a pipe more economical? My godfather always smoked a pipe.

My friend reduced the cost of smoking by rolling his own cigarettes. He got a little machine, blanks with filters and tobacco. The cost of a pack of cigs this way was about one tenth. The initial investment might equal the cost of a few packs of cigarettes. Maybe your father would like the idea of rolling his own. In regard to controlling the number of cigs with a device. It would probably cause him to be very anxious and upset if he could not get a cigarette when he wanted one. Also, 1/2 to 3/4 pack a day is not heavy but yes, cigs are very expensive.

Half to 3/4 a pack a day is not a heavy smoker, however your issue sounds to be more one of cost? If there was not a cost issue then let him smoke what he likes - is it really going to affect his health in a negative way compared with age and other medical issues. If it is a cost issue and he does it for something to do with his hands and to fend off boredom then limiting the number is just going to cause stress through not having that activity. Have you considered ecigarette or vaping - it might be a useful experiment to see if he is satisfied with doing this. Alternatively you could try liquorice sticks if he likes liquorice or maybe lollipops - something that takes time but uses the same action. If he smokes only because he is nicotine addicted then again the vaping or possibly nicotine based chewing gum may help. A lot of it depends on finding something that fulfils the need he has to smoke that he can understand and work with you if possible.

he is going to burn his house down with him in it, but if he is "with it" he has a right to smoke because that is his choice. You can talk to his doctor about it but unless the person is motivated to quit it's not happening...unless he is deemed incompetent and you can impound him in a nursing home. Otherwise, he is going to continue to smoke

Have you tried a vape as a replacement? I quit a 2 carton + a week cold turkey when they price hit $50 a carton and I ran out and found myself in the car searching for a stub with enough left for a puff or two. I realized then it had to stop. It hasn't been easy and I still crave them but I haven't smoked since 1st week of January 2005.
I tried to get my husband to quit also but, he drove a truck and came home every day smelling of smoke. He swore he quit but, his moustach was yellow. When he found out I have a lung dying he went on vapes because I flat refused smoking in the house and he didn't want to go outside. At first, he had so much nicotine oil in the "juice" that is what they steam that, I had problems with the cloud of smoke. It followed me no matter where I sat or walked to in the house. He got to the point he was emptying out a large bottle a week. Each fill from the container into the tank of the vape equaled a carton and it was being filled 2 or more times a day!
I finally decided to "help" him cut down. Every time he brought a new bottle of the juice home, I would wait until he was sound asleep and empty half of it down the drain and refill with water. He never knew it. I also got an air filter machine that is right beside his recliner that he has to listen to when he uses the vape. I can breathe now which is good because the NP has diagnosed me with COPD. He cut back the nicotine and finally the juice is nicotine free and only a bit of liquid taste oil in water. He is hooked on a strawberry/grape combo. I can tolerate it. But the habit of reaching for that crutch is still there. Even when we are in my car where he is not going to be smoking, I see him reach for his pocket every 1 to 2 minutes. It is the habit now since he is off of the nicotine.
Your father is addicted to nicotine just like a drug addict is to their drugs. He can be weaned off but, it isn't pleasant. You might try the vape and gradually lower the nicotine amount in each bottle of juice. They do have cigar taste oils to add to the bottle.
Good luck to you.

Mom one cold October halfway into her dementia-- exclaimed as she came in from the balcony of her apartment at Redbud Hills Retirement ( Independent Living) -- that-- it was way to cold to go outside anymore and after that declaration-- she never told me she was going out to smoke ever again and i did not have to buy any more cartons of cigs... menthol cigs no less-- menthol is equally addictive as the nicotine. She never smoked a gain-- plum forgot it-- watch it happen with your Dad ! Good luck.

Donte1423: Imho, most likely he will not be able to lose his nicotine crutch without the help of the many programs out there. Nicotine also kills via second hand smoke. You can research ReformU.com or Reformers Unanimous, which is a faith based stubborn habit program. Prayers sent.

This is something that is so close to me, thank you so much for raising this point. I am in the UK. My father lives alone, has alienated himself from all of his family, friends and neighbours, and one of the many reasons for this has been his cigar habit. He has smoked miniature cigars for 60 years. Apart from the obvious health and anti social reasons that make this difficult to endure, his lack of mobility, and financial means now mean that he is spending approximately £350-£400 per month on cigars that someone else, namely me, have to source and supply. He has a state pension and is on social security, he never put money away for his old age, and actually mocked those who did... he sees any penny not spent on his cigars as a waste, and turned down care he needs because he said ‘ he has no need for it’ as he has a daughter! This is money that he could well do with for care. Whilst in hospital recently, the nurses rang to get consent to slap a nicotine patch on him as he was absolutely obnoxious to all the staff on the ward. It worked quite well, so we continued with it when he was discharged, in the hope that perhaps if he didn’t have the craving, that plus the memory loss of his dementia would work to at least reduce his count. But he is back up to his 20 PER DAY(!!!) due to his lies and a few well meaning old friends who see ‘not harm’ in an old chap smoking what they see as a ‘few cigars’ ; he has Alzheimer’s disease and yet I am shocked by the sneaky methods he will go to to try and access more and more. Stock piling, writing to people and inventing amazing stories to get people to buy him his smokes. To me it is comparable to any other substance dependency, and should be recognised as requiring expert practitioner care, and a united ‘tough love’ approach from any friends or family tasked with supporting the ‘sufferer’ but I find that time and time again my efforts to manage this are undermined by ‘do-gooders’ either lied to by my father or people who see my efforts as simply some sort of power trip!
I have tried leaving a certain quantity, but he has no ‘filter’ ( pardon the smoking pun!) you can leave two packs,or ten packs... he cannot gauge the supply, he will just smoke the lot then call up, anytime of the day or night, for more. He has no concept of the cost, and refuses to accept reminders or refusals to bring more. If you try to remain him you just delivered some, he simply denies it. If he doesn’t get them he creates absolute mayhem, faking emergencies, and telling everyone how cruel I am. It’s been, and continues to be a nightmare. I too have tried to source some form of slow release ‘safe’ but to no avail and I suspect that were there something like that, he would no doubt find a way of forcing it open, and it would be unlikely to have enough compartments to allow me a few days ‘off’ cigar duty anyway.
I used to make sure he always had at least £50-£100 in his wallet so should an emergency occur, or I was unable to get to him for a few days, he would at least have the funds to get himself to hospital, or have a neighbour buy him essential supplies... but because he just calls up an unscrupulous cab company to pick them up for him, I have now resorted to concealing cash about his apartment, easily accessible should he or someone need to access it. I have also had fun and games hiding packs of cigars about the place, like some messed up party game, in the hope I might gain the occasional day off...to no avail. He will turn the place upside and I know the repercussions only fall to me to tidy up, or sort out.
Were it not for the horrendous cost, I would have no problem with his smoking himself into oblivion, but it’s just not that simple...
they say to remove yourself from toxic relationships, but how can you when you’re the only person who is providing all needs to someone who is both so frail, and yet so selfish & cunnng at the same time. Nobody really understands the real damage of this cycle.

Donte1432, I know how frustrated you are over this. Lots of good suggestions given. Several concerns being the smoking it self, the cost, fear of fire. Addictions at this stage are tough to overcome. 10 cigs a day is not a lot in the overall scheme of things. Good luck with your efforts. If you can guide him to meet your goals which are not his in a loving way you both will feel better. Take care to manage your stress. Wishing you good days!

I hate to say this but if someone is a smoker and lives alone, there is nothing God or the devil can do to stop the smoking. Somehow they will get the money and do without everything. I went through this with my husband and he died horribly of pancreatic cancer. Towards the end he wanted to smoke and I just simply would not give in. I couldn't stand to see the suffering he was in made worse by smoking - mean but in my heart and soul, I could not cause him further pain with smoking. Unless he is in a position where he is constantly watched and monitored, NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP HIM. If he is ill and should not be alone, you must place him into a facility but other than that, there is NO way on earth I know of that will work to stop him from smoking.

1st, You might try to talk him in to quit smoking fir his health.

He can try a patch, Nicotine Gum to chew, ect.

If he doesn't have the money to buy them, let him know he can't afford them..

Who buys him his cigarettes?

If he doesn't buy them himself then buy just a certain amount and that will have to last him.

Best to try and get him to at least try to stop smoking.

Renemies he likes and enjoyed smoking ling before he was bored.

He smokes because he likes it, it's a habit but, by now, he is totally addicted to the Nicotine.

Try getting him started on several hobbies.

Paint by number,
Puzzles

Reating Material

Easy Kids crafts
like Model Cars. Planes, ect that you build and paint.

Crossford Puzzles

Hand held Black Jack Game you play by yourself.

Does he have a computer that he can occupy his time?

One last thing, if your Dad can afford his cigarettes and he wants to continue to smoke, remember that his his business and you should respect that and let him live out the rest of his life doing exactly what he wants to do.

If you're concerned with his safety, you might see if he would allow you to put up a Camera in at least the main room where the TV is or where he is most of the time so you can kero tabs on him 24 7.

I had the Nest Cameras installed at my Dads. They are great and installs easy enough.

Prayers

Go to etsy.com and in search bar type "vintage kitchen match holders.". First one that came up is $13 plus $6 shipping. You load cigs from top, however many you want and they slide to bottom. Every time you take one out of bottom the stack slides down by one. This might work. Good luck!

My mother was also a smoker, (at least a pack a day) and the smoking itself did not bother me - but the safety issues did. She had a tendency to leave lit cigarettes in an ashtray in such a way that it could fall out easier. Or she would doze off holding a cigarette. I found she used her stove to light the cigarettes.

I had been keeping a carton of cigarettes at her house at all times, but decided to start doling out a pack at a time. It helped I lived next door, and controlled her purchasing. She came over once and said she was out, and I said we would get some later. Over a short period of time, she forgot about smoking. There were a few times, she tried to walk to a store to get them, but didn't know where to go. And there were a few times, she would walk around our condo and try to bum them. But eventually she forgot.

It is not an issue of enjoyment. It is an issue of safety! Do what you can to get your dad to quit before he burns himself or something else.

I hope you find that dispenser you're looking for but won't that frustrate him to no end??? Here's a suggestion: Open the packs and remove 2-3 from each. Divide the stash in two boxes and where he won't look but can easily find if you direct him on the phone. When he runs out at least you have a stash backup, which MAY cut down on trips to replenish.

I couldn't find a cigarette timed dispenser. There was one on amazon but out of stock and unknown restock date. I did, however, think about a dog/cat timed feeder. Found this one that you could put a couple of cigarettes in the tray, as it turns you get them out. https://www.amazon.com/PetSafe-Meal-Feeder-Dogs-Cats/dp/B000GEWHNS?tag=october2019rover-20

I would suggest if you use something like this - watch him to see if there are certain times he smokes a little more than others. Like just after breakfast, lunch, supper (smokers tend to enjoy smoking after a meal). If he naps during the afternoon, say, give a bigger gap in the time. Set it up like smoke breaks at work. A couple of cigs 7.30 or 8, then 1 at 10 for smoke break time, a couple at lunch, 1 mid afternoon (unless he naps then), divide the remaining 4 cigs from about 5 to bedtime.

Just breaking the habit of sitting in a chair and having them sitting right next to him can help to retrain the brain of constantly reaching for one. He would have to get up out of the chair and go to kitchen or across the room to see if it's time for the machine to give him a cigarette. Good luck on this.

Would your dad be able to look around for open packs if you prompted him? If he calls to say he's out of cigarettes, can you tell him to go look on the coffee table, or on the patio table or wherever else he might leave them? At least that way, you wouldn't have to drop what you are doing to go take him more.

My dear departed BIL chain smoked , one right after the other for the last 3-4 years of his life because he was bored. He was a wood worker and made beautiful things, but a series of small strokes put an end to that. Perhaps you could find a hobby for him to take his mind off smoking, thereby making his "stash" of cigarettes last longer.
Hugs to you.

Nicotine is extremely addictive. Is he safe with his cigarettes? My dad would fall asleep with his cigarettes. Thank God, he only burned holes in his blankets. Would you dad be amenable to using a vape device? He could still feel like he is smoking but be a little safer.

You're absolutely correct about why he smokes. Forcing someone to reduce/quit will make them more anxious and want more. They make tips to go on cigarettes that supposedly reduce the nicotine that you get - but he may not like it because it's a plastic piece in your mouth.

With the memory loss, he could lay one down or leave it burning and it falls out of the ashtray. Does he have a covered porch where he can smoke? If so, split the packs of cigarettes into packs of only 10 cigarettes to start and put them on the porch. Don't leave other packs where he can see them, It's possible he will see there aren't many in the pack and try to space it out more. See if you can convince him about how the house smells like a cigarette and the danger to see if you can get him going outside to smoke.

It's a hard habit to break and even harder if someone is trying to make you stop...makes you want to smoke more. Like telling someone they can't have the ice cream because of weight. You sit and think about the ice cream.

On the other hand, depending on his age, he may have smoked for many years and has no desire to reduce/quit. With the memory issue, he may reach a point where he forgets how often he was accustomed to smoking. It is his money. If it's not causing him to do without other things, so be it. If there is a money issue, they make some cheap ones. Put a similar cheaper brand into his packages and let him smoke.

Remember the cigarette commercials back in the day?

It was fashionable in their day to smoke.

They had the fancy cigarette cases and lighters.

It was all over television. Lucy and Ricky, many others, on the big screen too, Bette Davis!

My godfather smoked a pipe.

My father, a WWII vet, was a heavy lifetime smoker. When he entered hospice, he had to go out to the porch to smoke. He actually managed it without complaint. I would be concerned about fires with his memory problems. Perhaps, there are some things you can do, like put his favorite smoking chair in a certain place. I delivered something to a friend of my parents. His chair had caught on fire, the smoldering but not flaming chair, filled the whole house with smoke, and he went to the back of the house to get something for his eyes burning. He could have died easily. I agree half a pack is not heavy. Does he know how many he has smoked, could you fudge and remove a few, could you ask him to smoke in a place near the door? Is there a porch where he could smoke.

Just remembering my uncle on my dad’s side. He was something else, the polar opposite of my dad! Single and carefree!

Anyway, most of the servicemen smoked in their day.

If you were fighting in a world war and smoking calmed your nerves, you might smoke too!

My dad picked up smoking in the service. I believe all of his brothers did as well.

My dad quit because mom didn’t smoke and did not want him smoking in the house around us.

Anyway, my uncle was a bachelor and continued smoking.

He had his larynx removed. Guess what? He still smoked!

My mom and dad said, “What is the point of him quitting now?” He’s dying.

No one said a word to him about quitting or about his smoking.

Let your poor dad be. If he enjoys smoking his cigarettes everyday, and it's his money that buys them, then let him have what he enjoys. Is it hurting you in any way that he is smoking so much? He probably at this stage in his life doesn't have much that he enjoys doing, so if smoking is what brings him pleasure, then so be it. Would you want someone trying to control something that you enjoy doing, just to save you a few bucks? I'm guessing probably not. Now your concern should be instead,(like someone else mentioned,)your dad starting a fire in his house, as he might fall asleep with a cigarette in his hand, or just be careless when trying to put one out. You might want to put some inexpensive security cameras in his home that you can access from your cell phone, so you can check on him anytime and from anywhere, just to make sure he is safe. Best wishes.

Your father's life is already ruined with dementia, why ruin it even further by taking away one of his last remaining pleasures? If you find a device like you mention in your post, that will only make him even MORE focused ON smoking rather than getting his mind OFF of it. There is no 'winning' at the game of addiction. Plus, smoking a half a pack a day is not THAT bad! There's more of a fire hazard than anything else going on, but another issue you can't really control, so let IT go too. That's my suggestion. Dementia is a condition that makes a person unreasonable; you can't argue with him or get through to him on any level, really.........so why bother?

Let him alone. My mother is 94 with dementia. She loves her snacks & sweets & is overweight as a result. Who cares? Now is no time to put her on a diet or worry about her cholesterol either, you know? The last thing I want to do is prolong her life in THIS condition!

Wishing you the best of luck accepting your father as he is.

Oh my gosh, my brother was so addicted to smoking that he lit up a cigarette in the ER! Smoking is extremely hard to quit.

I took him to the ER one evening. He was saying that he needed to smoke.

I asked him to please wait until he spoke with the doctor and be treated and later he could light up when we left the hospital.

I left for a brief moment to use the restroom. I came back to the waiting area in the ER separated by curtains only to find my brother smoking a cigarette in the hospital!

I had to threaten to leave before he put it out, even then he was screaming to me, “One or two more drags off of it, then I am done!” Grrrrrrrrrr!!!

I was freaking out. People were near us with oxygen tanks!

Oh my gosh, sometimes I look back and say, I don’t know how I survived.

I really loved my brother but I was also a complete fool to care for him.

Or I was completely brainwashed and programmed for a long time to be a caregiver to a very stubborn man!

He had two sides. The other side was very compassionate and caring that would invite homeless people to sleep in his apartment on cold winter nights.

Maybe it was a combo of all of them!

I learned to immediately ask for a nicotine patch for him.

I wish you all the best as you tackle this difficult problem. I feel for smokers. It tough to kick!

I also feel for you because I know that it’s hard as the family member to watch them battle this addiction.

I’d be more worried about the fire hazard!