After my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer, I was her only caretaker for 7 years. She had extensive chemotherapy over that period until the cancer spread to her spleen and other organs. We chose a program at Lenox Hill Hospital in NYC that "promised" to save her life. Nine months before she died, she decided to divorce me, change our trust, rewrite her will, and alienate me from our two grown sons. She died before the divorce was finalized, but the emotional trauma is overwhelming, as my sons are now suing me. I am looking for anyone who has information about the impact of chemotherapy on cognition, especially as it relates to personality changes, judgment and decision making, Her own mother, 94-years-old, said, "I don't know who my daughter is anymore." I am desperate for information and support.
do a google search on chemobrain. Yes chemo brain. My mom had a hysterectomy due to cancer diagnosis seven years ago at the age of 81 and the changes in her were astounding following the surgery. This was when everyone began to realize the changes in her cognition and functioning. Was it the chemo therapy that caused the change, was she developing dementia, or was it that all of the sudden family members were spending more time with her so noticed changes that had started occurring long before the cancer diagnosis?
We will never know. Probably the biggest mistake we made was to have her go through the surgery. But that is knowing what we know now, at the time she was still highly functioning.
Anesthesia can also have a profound on the brain especially in the elderly, that may have taken its toll as well.
This must be terribly overwhelming for you. It is a reality, when caring for a loved one, many feel alienated and isolated by other family members. In my case it was first one sibling, then my grown children, then the other sibling, then my aunt, the list goes on and on! This job is not for the meek! Will these relationships ever be what they once were? I don't know, that is for sure. I think my children will eventually work out, but siblings, I would be surprised.
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When it comes to major cancers, it can turn one's life upside down.... you go through many different stages dealing with it.... after I was diagnosed with cancer in 2009, I was a deer in headlights for many years trying to struggle to find my new *normal life*. My cancer was only Stage 1, but it could have been Stage 4 for all I cared as it was a terrible journey, there still was surgery, rehab, and meds. I didn't need Chemo but I had to take anti-hormone meds for 5 years and those meds were not user friendly for me. And don't forget, ovarian cancer and also breast cancer can make a woman feel not whole, that part of their womanhood is now gone :(
My sig other was completely clueless on how to care for me, and later long after the fact I found out he was really scared because too many of his immediate family plus his late wife had passed from cancer. Thus, he was angry at me for getting cancer. He never realized he was acting that way, he was in denial. I was also very angry, too. We were like oil and water throughout the whole ordeal.