My MIL has AL/DEMENTIA and I don't think she fully understands or remembers she does?
We've visited a few asst. living facilities and she is adamant that she will decide when it is time for her to go into one. The reality of it is she needs to be there now. We have home care come in daily to assist her with meds and meals, etc. she no longer can drive (2yrs now).
We are POA in making those decisions, so when do we say its time, and approach it with her?
Picture breaking your foot.
You see it all swollen & you FEEL the pain! You can reason it is sensible not to walk on it. You can reason you will need help.. crutches, a wheelchair even.
Picture small parts of a brain getting damaged by disease.
Alzheimer's Disease impairs memory, thinking and behaviour.
It disrupts the brain’s neurons, decreasing messages travelling normally through the brain.
You can't see it with your eyes.
People can look the same for quite a while (although it does age them as it goes on). This makes it hard to remember they really CAN'T think as they did.
I have family grapplIng with this.
Respectful, offering choice? VS possible denial in the caregivers?
It's a fine line.
Or , Find a reason to bring her to ER , and tell them she can not live alone and have the social worker assist you in placing her in a facility . Tour some ahead of time (with or without mil ) and have some in mind .
Or, You call your local agency of aging and they will send a social worker to her home do a needs assessment and if she is deemed not safe alone and needs 24/7 supervision , they can remove her from the home to assisted living. Have one picked out . MIL is not going to come around and go willingly . Good luck .
There is no easy way to handle this, when we had to move our step-mother into MC, she said "I don't want to be with all the crazy people"!
Well, we stood firm and she is in a very nice MC, and well taken care of. My brother & I have her POA!
I am assuming she doesn't live with you and is alone?.
I think you already assume she is unsafe?
POA ✅️
MiL has home care already ✅️
But the next stage is looming.. you are wise to plan ahead.
IMHO temperament plays a part.
Some folk will simply trust their son or daughter when they say 'it's time to downsize' or 'move to a new place where there is more help'.
Others will say their kids are plotting, stealing, taking their house. (Paranoia can happen, or they are very independantly made, or have lost more insight)
Sometimes a trusted Doctor can say "it's time" with good success.
I've had friends go through these sorts of scenarios above.
Having the downsize/more care chat - I was advised that it takes At Least 6 times to have this kind of conversation before a senior will hear you. For it to sink it. To even start thinking about change. That is WITHOUT a dx of dementia.
If there is cognitive impairment to cause lack of insight into their loss of skill/function level & therfore their care needs - how can they understand?
That's the level my LO is at. Dr called it 'Anosgnosia'. It looks like denial but differs. The brain really just can't 'see' the issues.
So where are you at Momsthing?
Deciding HOW & WHEN to have the chat?
Hoping for MIL to'see' & decide herself or give permission?
Deciding WHO actually has the authority to make the move?
Or decided the time is now - need the HOW to make it happen?
Just make sure that whatever assisted living facility she moves into also has a memory care facility attached as she will be there eventually, perhaps sooner than later, and you'd hate to have to move her again as that is very hard for someone with mental decline.
You now have to tell her how things are going to be as you will now be in the "parent" role.
Best wishes in finding the best facility for her.
Each place told me that it was best for a person to move in before it became absolutely necessary to do so.
They were able to adjust better to their new surroundings.
But Alzheimer's Disease has come.
Has taken much & will continue to do so. Alz will decide.
Discuss MIL's care level, insight & ability to have capacity to decide her living situation with her Doctor. The POA will take over when required. The POA will then make arrangements as needed.
Sadly, you can't reason with people who have losing/lost their reason.