MIL throws out her clothes every night. What can we do?

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MIL throws out her clothes every night. What can we do?

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My mother in law is in a nursing home now for 2 weeks. She has dementia and is in long term care. Every night she takes off her clothes and throws them out. We've talked to the staff about this three times but nothing has changed. We can't afford to keep buying clothes. What can we do?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Dementia Behaviors Skilled Nursing Facility

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Milesaway: IMHO, I think the thread is about clothes that have been worn. Thank you for your input, though.

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My response was thinking that the throwing away may be MIL's way of saying "I am tired of these two outfits". Guess I forgot to say that!

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My daughter is an RN in a rehab/NH. She was surprisedvthat the staff throws out the clothes. They should be aware this can happen and send to the laundry.

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It is a sad situation and likely no good answer - memory issues, underpaid overworked (Or worse) staff. The only ‘amusing’ part of all this is looking at the promotional brochures for these facilities - betcha everyone neatly dressed, perfect hairdo’s. When mother was admitted for rehab following hospital stay, I asked head person what clothing to bring. Yep - ‘everyone dresses nicely as for church or social activities, etc’. It wasn’t a week before mother was wearing hospital gown...everything else, clearly marked, had just disappeared. If you aren’t there constantly watching, no telling what happens. For those still working or not living nearby, it is an impossible situation.

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I hate to be a witch...and I know good aides can be overworked and underpaid...but are you sure her clothing is not being taken/stolen? And why aren't the aides more attentive once the problem is pointed out?

Many good ideas here, a hamper or basket, a note, and an inventory list to note what is missing. Maybe a hidden camera???

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Wow- that is weird! My Mom is in AL and has a closet full of clothes! All have her name on them and she will often fuss in her closet and put scarves etc with certain skirts or tops. She has dementia but is not all the way in the Rabbit hole! I tell the caregivers if something does not fit anymore or is damaged to put it in a box in her closet and I would take care of removing items when I come (Only get there every other month for a visit- 7 states away). I do sometimes see her in a strange skirt or sweater and always ask the caregivers who it came from and usually it is just laundry mix up. Often silk and wool items end up in Laudry rather than Drycleaning but they are getting better! They do a great job dressing her each morning as there is so much to choose from! Maybe talk to the social worker and ask if she could help get a few more choices for your mom. I sometimes think I should simplify the choices in Mom's closet but the caregivers have not complained and there will be time for that when she passes on. Another thought is to get her a regular appointment with a hairdresser (perhaps some relative would be willing to help this way. Mom feels and looks much more "normal" when she has regular hair appointments and the attention helps too!

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I agree. Having her hair and nails done regularly was very important to my mom, even when she went into Memory Care. The stylist who ran the beauty shop in the facility was so wonderful with the residents. He was an expert in how the elderly ladies wanted their hair. Mom had a perm about a week before she passed. Manicures were free for the residents and the manicurist would bring her cart to the resident’s room if they couldn’t make it to the lounge.

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Who is doing the lady's laundry? The facility or you? I ask because at my late mother's facility they did her laundry and the trash can was right next to the hamper. Oftentimes I would find the facility had mixed up the items.

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I think the person who suggested putting a clothing hamper in place of the garbage is a good Idea.

Also, can you check if the clothing she is tossing out is soiled?

Some elderly people are embarrassed that they can not hold their bowels as well as when young, so they toss their soiled cloths or hide them.

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In a nursing home the CNAs should be helping your mother get undressed at night and helping her with her nightgown or their hospital gown. So in my opinion they are the ones responsible for replacing all clothes thrown out because it sounds like they are not doing their job in the first place. You got to stay on top of every little thing. I would start with the supervisor of the CNAs, then go to the housekeeping supervisor and then to Admin and let them know you will file a complain with the state if they don’t respond.

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Although my grandfather didn't throw out his clothes, when my mother gave him a change of clothes he would insist they "weren't his" which made the situation worse. (I'll have to ask her if she remembers how she dealt with this--perhaps by saying "I just bought you some new ones"?) I suspect this isn't the situation in your case, but it may be for others. One way or the other, it can be a challenge keeping an older person clothed!

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I asked my mother what she did when that happened, and she said she just waited a few days--and then by the next time my grandfather saw these clothes he accepted them as "his" again!

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The staff isn't doing their job. They are really the ones tossing them out no matter where she's putting them. Yes, go to the administrator.

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Get a hamper and put it in the place of the garbage can.

Most seniors grew up with clothes hampers - I went back to using one when I found my nighties in the livingroom if I had to leave the house for a spell - my new pet was pulling them out there to sleep on if I had to leave the house. He had "separation anxiety" I was told when I adopted him. Now I just make sure I leave something he can drag to the livingroom if I must go out for an hour.

Anyway, get a clothes hamper for her to use and just place it where the current garbage can is. If the NH throws them out - make them replace them. They might even have or suggest what to use as the hamper. Mine is sort of a netting that folds up if I don't need it. Unobtrusive and no odors.

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Yes go to the administrator right away. In the 2 facilities my mother has been in all her clothing,sheets are marked with her name. If an item is lost or damaged a credit is applied. On another note I went to an administrator when I found out the staff member who was supposed to be helping her bathe told my mother she couldn't because she had a bad shoulder. I was irate and had her removed from helping my mother immediately. These people are paid to manage staff. It is really unbelievable they would constantly throw away clothing that needs washing from a resident with memory issues.

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So sad this happens to people and they lose their cognition. As medical science keeps everybody alive longer, Alzheimer's is rapidly on the rise due to the ever-increasing elder population, that is, aging baby-boomers. Clothing is not cheap--have you tried filing a complaint with administration including an itemized list of what the nursing home discarded. Tell them you feel you are owed compensation.

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I like your answer. Since she's already talked to them about this several times, they just aren't listening. Maybe if they have to pay for the stuff they will stop that. She does need to go "higher" up with this.

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You mean in a trash can in her room? This is what has always boggled my mind. They have been told about the problem and choose not to do anything like checking the trash first thing in the morning. But then, it may not be the same aide all the time. I suggest her trash can being removed from the room. Put a sign up, please check trash for clothing before throwing out. You would think, logically, when they see clothing in the trash they would question it. Just a thought, are u sure they are being thrown out or r the aides sending them to the laundry. I washed Moms clothes but still had aides sending her clothes to the laundry. Its the little things that bugged me. Mom had all her toiletries next to her bed. She was in a room of 4. Figured it was better this way then being in the same bathroom as everyone elses. I had a note to please use her brush and toothpaste. I continually would find those plastic brushes in Moms drawer that they used, when hers was in plain site. Their brushes made her hair fly away. Hers didn't do that. I even put a note on their brush asking not to use them use the one provided. She liked Crest toothpaste. They kept using the small tubes of Colgate. When she passed, aft 5 months in the NH, there was still a full tube of toothpaste.

Aren't they finding Mom with no clothes on? Or does she change. Maybe putting a clothes basket where the trash basket is. My Mom would go thru her closet and throw clean clothes in the laundry basket. At both AL and NH I would put Moms clothes together on a hanger. Pants, top eventually her bra. I found aides just grab clothes. They don't make sure they match. I started putting things together when I found her all mismatched. My daughter said Mom had no idea what she had on. I said exactly, her mind may be gone but she is going to look nice. I am OCD this way.

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I was thinking exactly what you wrote, JoAnn. My mother’s trashcan was so tiny, clothing in there was very obvious. The housekeeper may have thought it was torn or stained with fecal matter and someone threw it out on purpose. My mom would throw her stuff out the door and the staff started closing her door part way so no one got nailed when walking past her door. They did provide her with personal items when she threw hers out, but the combs were thin and broke.

There actually was no place for my mom to put her dirty laundry until I brought her a laundry basket. She understood that’s where her dirty laundry went.

I was always amused when going to visit visit her by seeing whose clothes she was wearing and who was wearing her clothes. Some people would be upset by that, but when I came in once and she was wearing jeans with rhinestone designs on the back pockets I giggled all day.

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My mother also threw things away; her partial, her eyeglasses, toothbrushes, combs, even for crying out loud a bedspread!! It’s not unusual.

Someone from housekeeping empties the trash every day. Go to the housekeeping department and ask them to please, please take any clothing out of Mom’s trash and set it aside.

Alternately, buy her a large trash can (kitchen size) with a swinging lid for her room. Tell her this is for her clothes.

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What do you mean "she throws them out"? Into a trash can? Where is the trash can located--in her room? Have you tried putting a laundry basket in her room or putting a plastic trash can in her room that is labeled "Dirty Laundry" for the nursing staff?

We need more information about the situation, please.

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Apparently, she must be throwing the clothes in the small trash can in her room at night. This goes for underwear, clothing and nightgown. When we bought new clothes the nurses marked everything with her name. There is no laundry hamper in her room but I have one ordered --- it should come any day. It is marked "laundry". We do have a canvas laundry bag in her room but she says she won't use it And she wants it gone. Right now she has 2 outfits and 2 nightgowns. She wears the same thing and no one checks. I bought 3 outfits at Good Will and will bring them in. After that, they can put her in a hospital gown. If her nurse is ineffective, do we go to the administrator?

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MIL throws out her clothes every night. What can we do?

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