My mom has always been sneaky since before she had an aneurysm and strokes. I cry to her and plead with her to understand what her lies and deception does to me and the family we are trying to build and have even taken away things as punishment. Goodness, I feel lost for what to do since she is my parent and young. She is all there mentally which makes it even more difficult. It feels like she is stabbing me in the back with each lie. Would like to understand how others may deal with a similar issue.
What could get her to change? I don't know. Family counselling comes to mind. That might be worth trying.
Or maybe it would be better for EVERYONE if Mother were in a clean, safe, pleasant environment where you and your sister and your sister's children and perhaps your-partner-to-be could visit her as loving family, without having day-to-day 24/7 responsibility for her. She deserves a peaceful place, where her daughter doesn't have to treat her like a child and punish her. And you all deserve to get on with your lives. Not abandoning Mother. She certainly didn't abandon you. But doing what is best for her in love and with respect.
I truly hope that you can resolve this in a way that will be more peaceful for everyone.
Don't get me wrong, my mom has a great life with us. It is safe and stable and loving. However, being human, people push boundaries and perhaps it is less about punishing her and more about learning to draw boundaries for acceptable behavior. It is a tough situation and we are working on making our house into two apartments for physical space. Would love guidance on how to draw the boundaries with people who have been through it. At this time, moving her out is not an option (at least for a few years due to our systems here in Canada and wait time).
Thank you so much for responding and providing your experience.
Did she stab you in the back with lies while you were growing up? Did she behave this way before the aneurysm and strokes? When did this behavior start?