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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Is your mom just telling stories or being a victim? Have you talked to her about this at all?
It's okay to say something to her like, "Mom, I know you and Aunt Marge had a falling out 15 years ago and I'm sorry that it still hurts you but ruminating over it all the time just makes it worse. Either call Aunt Marge and mend fences or move on and let's not talk about it all the time anymore."
If your mom is lucid you will be able to explain to her how her constant negativity affects you. She probably isn't even aware of it. Try to make her aware of it nicely and respectfully.
One of the best things you can do for your mom is take her for walks. It helps almost everything. Remember that with dementia, it will progress. After awhile she will stop telling the one story and start with another. Her memories will fade. Not everyone’s dementia progresses the same. ”Let’s finish this puzzle and then we will walk to the corner for ice cream.” ”Did you notice that Red Robin at the feeder? Let’s put out more seed. “ Try to read all you can about Alz and dementia and be sure to watch the Teepa Snow videos on UTube. They are really helpful.
It is not clear whether there is something medically wrong with your mum, or whether she is just reflecting on her past. Almost everyone with dementia is a "time traveler" going back into the past and reliving past hurts and past hopes. Do you know what is the basis of your mum's anger about past experiences? It is good to be with someone who is the past, sharing their moment with them, but as the replies above have pointed out you can encourage your mum to join you in the present moment and forgive past hurts.
IMHO, this could signal the beginnings of dementia. Sorry. The retelling and keeping inventory of everyone "who done me wrong" was the main mindset and activity of my late father.
My advice to you is to suggest forgiveness, redirect the conversation, and failing all else, refuse the conversation. It got so bad with us, I would just leave the room and refuse to dwell on negativity and a hourly rehash of "who borrowed my hammer and never returned it.
Isnt it amazing how the elderly mind can focus on exact details of a snub from 1943, but can't remember what they had for lunch. Hang in there.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It's okay to say something to her like, "Mom, I know you and Aunt Marge had a falling out 15 years ago and I'm sorry that it still hurts you but ruminating over it all the time just makes it worse. Either call Aunt Marge and mend fences or move on and let's not talk about it all the time anymore."
If your mom is lucid you will be able to explain to her how her constant negativity affects you. She probably isn't even aware of it. Try to make her aware of it nicely and respectfully.
Remember that with dementia, it will progress. After awhile she will stop telling the one story and start with another. Her memories will fade. Not everyone’s dementia progresses the same.
”Let’s finish this puzzle and then we will walk to the corner for ice cream.”
”Did you notice that Red Robin at the feeder? Let’s put out more seed. “
Try to read all you can about Alz and dementia and be sure to watch the Teepa Snow videos on UTube. They are really helpful.
My advice to you is to suggest forgiveness, redirect the conversation, and failing all else, refuse the conversation. It got so bad with us, I would just leave the room and refuse to dwell on negativity and a hourly rehash of "who borrowed my hammer and never returned it.
Isnt it amazing how the elderly mind can focus on exact details of a snub from 1943, but can't remember what they had for lunch. Hang in there.