Mom (90) does not want to use cane. Any advice?

My dad fell and the doctor in the emergency room sent us home with a quad cane. My dad did not want to look at it, no less use it. He gave me a dirty look every time I asked him where was his cane and why wasn't he using it. Then I got the idea to give the cane the name Gus. I would say to my dad, "where's your friend Gus?" and "you need your friend" and somehow my dad started to use the cane. It probably took about 2 weeks of encouragement on my part and now over 2 years later he still uses the same cane.

You can get spiked tips to put on canes to use on ice. I don't mind using my cane it gives me something to trip up other old ladies when they try to push in line at the grocery store.

My Mom was resistant to using a cane, too.... heaven forbid if someone saw her using a cane, they might think she was old [she's 97]. No matter how old a person gets, they are still self-conscience about how they are portrayed to others. Usually it takes a person getting hurt in a fall to convince them to use either a cane or rolling walker.

By the way, a cane is terrible on ice.... she being 90 and needing something to help her walk, it is better she stay indoors until the weather get better. If she needs to get out and about, have someone meet her at her home to help her on the snowy icy walkways.

Ask her doctor to order a PT evaluation to assess if she should be using a cane.

UGH I hear you. Mom landed in the ER 7 times in 2014 for falls. I finally confiscated her cane and left her with only the walker her MD said she was supposed to use. She was angry, but you can't give in on safety issues.

My mother is 100. Last year we finally got her to use a cane only because she absolutely refuses to use a walker. She has fallen a few times. She lives in AL and they want her to use a walker, but she won't. She tries to go up and down the stairs with the cane. It scares us half to death. She doesn't even use the cane the right way. But she is stubborn, she won't listen to anyone, ever. So, eventually she will fall and end her life bedridden with a broken hip and there is nothing we can do.

My 91 y.o. MIL wouldn't use a cane initially either (she has since progressed to a 2W walker) so I found an attractive umbrella (standard sized) with the traditional curved handle and put a cane tip on the pointed tip. It worked for a long while and she didn't feel it was a conspicuous as a cane. She, too, didn't want to appear to be "old".

My post has no advice on how to get your Mom to use her cane. It's simply my own experience with this dilemma. Everyone has different circumstances so if there is nothing in my story you can relate to please just ignore it.

My MIL refused to use her cane, her walker or her oxygen most of the time. She had emphysema and advanced osteoporosis but did not have dementia. She had a parade of people caring for her and checking on her daily...family, home care and aides. For three years everyone went crazy trying to get MIL to do these things and for three years they were not able to. It was not unusual to come in on her with the oxygen tube hanging around her neck but not under her nose, she said it irritated her and looked ugly. I can't tell you how many times she was caught without her walker or cane. She said she could move around faster without it. Doctors, nurses and family pleaded with her, it did not help.

My MIL was a lovely person, sweet and caring but she was also stubborn and vain about her appearance. You could have given her a jewel encrusted cane, she wasn't going to have anything to do with it.

My husband and I lived 400 miles away so we were not with her most of the time, we visited as often as we could and the family kept us informed, most of them lived close to her, one of her sons actually rented from her (she owned a duplex).

At one point it became clear to my husband and me that all the nagging and hand wringing in the world was not going to make MIL do the things we were asking. Sometimes we were able to cajole her into complying while we were with her but we were powerless when she was alone.

My husband and I began to realize that virtually all of our interaction with his Mom was about trying to control her behavior. She was resentful and we were frustrated. The next time we went to visit we decided to stay focused on being together instead of trying to fix her behavior. I made her favorite meals and we took her to have her hair cut and colored. We ran errands, cleaned up and my husband did a couple little house repairs. Ok so we did give in few times and ask her to put her oxygen in or use her walker but if she ignored us we let it go. It was a beautiful visit and my MIL was glowing when we left. From then on that's how we handled our visits with her.Two of the other siblings took the same approach and tried to let go of trying to control her and focus on enjoying her. The other two remained committed to the task of trying to convince her. Everyone was doing what they thought best, we all loved this woman.

A few months later MIL was having trouble sleeping so she decided to get up and clean her closet. She reached up to take a box down and fell backwards and fractured her spine. She died on the operating table two days later. When she fell she had no walker near her and her oxygen tube was on the other side of the room.

Everyone was devastated but thank goodness we all understood that given the circumstances it could not have been prevented. My husband misses his Mom but he is grateful that his last visits with her were happy and loving not fraught with frustration .
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Try one of the pretty canes that have hummingbirds or flowers all over them. Make sure it is adjusted correctly to her height.

We started with a standard cane. She hated it, but we reminded her every single time she got up. It was always falling over or she couldn't rememeber where she left it. So we bought her a cane with the legs so it would stand on its own. Once she started tripping on it and using it wrong, it became dangerous. We hid the cane and introduced her to a walker with wheels. We just tell her she has to use it. She has fallen, luckily on carpet, so we just remind her that she has fallen and she has to use it because we dont want her in the hospital. It is just a constant reminder.