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Once they force her a few times she will open her mouth some. They then shove it in because once she stops they have to force her again. She is non verbal and unaware of her surroundings.
Call in hospice now. Ask for palliative care consult. Make it clear that Mom is at the end stage of her life and you do not wish her treated in this manner. The problem for them is that without guidance of palliative care only, doctors orders about intake, and so on they are almost beholden to try to get her to take enough so she doesn't get dehydrated, meaning transfer to hospital whether she wants it or not. So you need to make it clear LEGALLY with her MD writing and with Hospice MDs that intake in not now the question. That there will BE no transfer to hospital, and that Mom will be allowed to pass in peace. Please contact doctor to order hospice now. They will handle this.
Dear Bubba437, That is awful. When someone is at the last stages of dementia, their body may be shutting down which is a natural process as all body functions start to slow down. They can even get sick from being forced to eat. My mom is 95 and not eating much. Her memory care facility does not force her to eat - they just offer it to her and let her eat it only if she can and/or wants to.
I wish you had hospice care for your mom. Can you at least call a reputable hospice company right away - they can take calls anytime and at least talk to someone over the phone. Tell them what you've just expressed here and let them give you some immediate guidance. I wish you the best and do take care!
She is already in hospice and they are telling them also. Due to Covid, we can't get in there now but we know they are still doing it. They told us they would not stop. I guess I am looking for support more than anything that I am doing the right thing. We are pulling her out next week and bringing her to my house. They pry her mouth open while she is fighting with her arms for them to stop. Eventually she will open her mouth and they feed her as fast as they can because once they stop, she will start fighting them again. She still swallows fine so they feel like she does not know she needs to eat so they force her. It is what is keeping her alive but it is horrible. Mom is almost in a vegetative state so she is completely unaware of what is going on. How could an entire house of people think this is right? I think they are all CNA's. Even the owner has no degree except experience. She is in a ALF because she has been there almost 8 years and they just never kicked her out. $$$$$ Thank you for your feedback.
I would report this behavior to the director immediately. This is disgusting and yes it is a form of abuse. How sad!!l She could choke for goodness sake.
Yikes! I know in my state they are not allowed to do this. If you are her medical PoA and haven't already spoken to the admin at the facility to get them to stop doing this, I would contact the ombudsman to help intervene. Again, you will need to be her medical PoA to do this. If the state doesn't allow it and you are not the medical PoA, then you should still report it. Also to clarify, if she has end stage dementia she is probably in LTC or MC, not AL?
She is in a ALF because she went in almost 8 years ago and they have never kicked her out. It is home that is allowed 8 patients and they only have 5 so.... My brother is POA and he is the one that told them to stop. Hospice has told them to stop. Due to Covid, we can't get in there to make sure they are. We are bringing her to my house next week with Hospice and health care nurses. She is on pureed diet and has been for almost 10 years. She is in a vegetative state except that she is awake some and babbles a lot. She is immobile but they sit on on the potty for a long time for her to poop twice a day. She fell out of her wheelchair a few months ago onto a tile floor while she sat the the table waiting for them to feed her. The force feeding is all that is keeping her alive. I am really struggling that we are doing the right thing since this home, that is supposed to know what is right, feels like they should be doing this.
I skimmed through the posts enough to decide that this is not only abusive, it's contrary to the caution required to feed anyone. This kind of force feeding isn't safe.
If I understand correctly, she's in hospice through a private company, as opposed to a large facility? Still, that company should be licensed with the state. And hospice was right to step in, but it could do more, such as contacting an ombudsperson or law enforcement to request immediate removal.
If you can't contact an ombudsperson over the weekend, do so first thing Monday morning, but in the meantime I would also contact law enforcement to get suggestions on ways to stop the force feeding before she chokes, aspirates, and//or becomes cyanotic.
I don't know if EMS would respond to this situation, but I would call. If not, you can always try to book an ambulance for transport to your home, although it sounds as if you're not quite prepared for that. (I hired a non emergency ambulance when I needed transportation for cataract surgery; cost was $40 each way plus mileage.)
Not to challenge anyone else's suggestions, but I don't see why you need to have a formal medical designation of authority to intervene; this situation is dangerous and overrides legal issues, even if she is on hospice.
Force feeding is inappropriate under these circumstances. I am a bit confused though; pureed foods often suggests dysphagia, a swallowing disorder, but you've indicated that she can still swallow "fine". Could you clarify?
You ARE right to address this frightening situation.
Thank you soooo much for your feedback. She is in a ALF and hospice comes in, or at least did before Covid hit. We also have Home Doc's come in once a month. Being an ALF, they have no medical staff. As of two days ago, they were letting Hospice in (occasionally) to check on her. I was told yesterday that they will no longer be allowed in. They have been force feeding her for quite a while, and we thought it was what they were supposed to do to keep her alive. I'm talking several years. I could never be there while they were feeding her because it was so painful to watch. I assumed it was what every nursing home did to keep them alive. We, the children, were having to go over everyday for about a year, to give mom meds when they got busted from the state because no one there is certified to give meds, since she can't do it herself. This is when we discovered how much she is resisting the food. We would have to crush her pills and give it to her in yogurt. She was fighting us every time. We addressed this with the home and they said it is because she doesn't know us. OCCASIONALLY, she will let them feed her. The reason it is pureed is because she would spit out her food. She did not want to chew. She would literally spit it out of her mouth. We were told it was because of the texture. They also had a case of Covid in the house and never told us. I was checking the web site daily and that is how I found out. They let my brother in two days in a row without telling him. We ARE planning on getting her out this week. We don't plan on giving them warning. We are bringing her to my house with hospice and home health care. I just keep questioning myself. They are suppose to be the professionals.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
That is awful. When someone is at the last stages of dementia, their body may be shutting down which is a natural process as all body functions start to slow down. They can even get sick from being forced to eat. My mom is 95 and not eating much. Her memory care facility does not force her to eat - they just offer it to her and let her eat it only if she can and/or wants to.
I wish you had hospice care for your mom. Can you at least call a reputable hospice company right away - they can take calls anytime and at least talk to someone over the phone. Tell them what you've just expressed here and let them give you some immediate guidance. I wish you the best and do take care!
If I understand correctly, she's in hospice through a private company, as opposed to a large facility? Still, that company should be licensed with the state. And hospice was right to step in, but it could do more, such as contacting an ombudsperson or law enforcement to request immediate removal.
If you can't contact an ombudsperson over the weekend, do so first thing Monday morning, but in the meantime I would also contact law enforcement to get suggestions on ways to stop the force feeding before she chokes, aspirates, and//or becomes cyanotic.
I don't know if EMS would respond to this situation, but I would call. If not, you can always try to book an ambulance for transport to your home, although it sounds as if you're not quite prepared for that. (I hired a non emergency ambulance when I needed transportation for cataract surgery; cost was $40 each way plus mileage.)
Not to challenge anyone else's suggestions, but I don't see why you need to have a formal medical designation of authority to intervene; this situation is dangerous and overrides legal issues, even if she is on hospice.
Force feeding is inappropriate under these circumstances. I am a bit confused though; pureed foods often suggests dysphagia, a swallowing disorder, but you've indicated that she can still swallow "fine". Could you clarify?
You ARE right to address this frightening situation.
They also had a case of Covid in the house and never told us. I was checking the web site daily and that is how I found out. They let my brother in two days in a row without telling him. We ARE planning on getting her out this week. We don't plan on giving them warning. We are bringing her to my house with hospice and home health care. I just keep questioning myself. They are suppose to be the professionals.