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Anyone have experience with their aged parent not eating?


Mom has a parathyroid issue and as soon as she started taking the meds, she practically stopped eating. I know the meds are part of the problem.


She had surgery to remove the abnormal gland, but they couldn’t find it, so we are back to square one.


She’s in the hospital now and has been given appetite stimulant, but she still only eats probably less than a cup of food all day.


So far the stimulant doesn’t seem to be working and she has been prescribed twice the normal dose.


I am thinking she is at the end of life. They are sending her to a skilled nursing facility today for physical rehab, but if she continues not eating enough, she won’t have the strength.


We give her all soft food and ground up meats with gravies and things like that, and Ensure, but she has no interest in any of it.


I know we can’t force her to eat, but any other suggestions?

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I've read that sweet things are more likely to taste OK. Ice cream?
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Can you make her some shakes? First, you need to get a really good blender, such as a Ninja(I bought a refurb one online/half price). I make my dad really good healthy shakes. Just a variety of them. I always put a handful of spinach, one carrot, a scoop of protein powder and 2 tablespoons or more of jello(made up, can use sugar-free).
Other fruits/veggies/nuts include fresh pineapple, raw squash(yellow, butternut, zucchini), cucumbers, an avocado, apples, strawberries, blueberries, oranges, lemons, broccoli, beets, walnuts, bananas, mango. I use just a 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup of different items.
When blender is 3/4 full, add enough water(I fill it half way) until the desired consistency. I, also, add 2 Vit C & multi B vitamin. If your mom has a favorite flavor, such as strawberry, use strawberry jello for flavor. Blend for awhile, so all is frothy and creamy.
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She doesn’t “have” to eat. A person can live a long time without food. I have no idea how aware she is, or her complete mental and physical condition, but perhaps she just doesn’t feel like eating or is tired of having food poked at her. Keeping her hydrated with fluids is what counts, even if it’s minimally hydrated. I’d follow her cues on the food
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Give her special things! You didn't say she can't swallow, so why the pureed food and Ensure, yuck. Joy is key, not nutrition right now. I vote for a sundae with whipped cream, nuts and a cherry! Btw that would give her protein, fat, and calcium. :D Or what were her favorite foods? If these don't work, it is possible that she is just ready to go. Best wishes to you in this time.
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With my mom we try to follow her cues. She didn’t like being fussed over and constantly asked by nurses and family. I switched to occasionally asking if she needs anything (one time she said ‘yes, a hug’ ❤️) and if she wanted food or drink she’d tell me. Does she have problem swallowing? Sometimes they have silent aspiration. I’d have them check that, if it’s bothersome for her to swallow that could be the reason. Or sometimes people are just letting go and their body doesn’t crave it anymore. Either way just try and focus on what she really wants and keeping her happy and comfortable ❤️
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My Mom isn't eating either. At first, we tried everything, we started feeding her yogurt, ice cream, and broth. And for quite a while now she only likes hot chocolate. She is drinking very little of that anymore. It's been a good 3 months since she has eaten anything substantial.

After talking to nurses and hospice and reading articles, I've come to realize that they get to a point in their lives that their bodies start to shut down so they do not care to eat anything. We do not force her to eat. WE offer the same things as before and if she wants any of them, we feed her, if not, we don't.

What amazes me is how long someone can survive with so little food. It has been tough for me to see her in this condition. She has lost a lot of weight, is bed bound, but is still mentally alert. Her vitals have been good. My Mother just turned 92 this month. I have heard some folks can last a long time without eating. We shall see. All we can do at this point is keep them comfortable as possible. Good luck to you..
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Friendtotheend Apr 2019
Totally agree. I have seen this 3 times in the last year . I read the digestive system begins to shut down first, but yes, it is truly amazing how long one can go without eating or eating very little. Normal progression of things in a lot of elderly, but it sure doesn't hurt to try. I wouldn't force feed, follow their cues, it's all ok.
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Even anesthesia can change the appetite. Have a conversation with the director of nursing over rehab. There are things like "miracle cup" they can give her which are calorie laden. They did this with my dad when he was losing weight after his rehab stint. Also they can make shakes or smoothies for her. But they need to be doing something in the facility to help her gain her strength to do the PT and OT etc.
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They gave my mom an appetite stimulant and lots of smoothies when she went into rehab. It took a little while for it to work but she began to gain weight. The doctor at the facility should be made aware of the concerns about the medication. I hope the rehab goes well.
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I would verify that the SNF knows of her status and currently condition. If they are not able to provide non food categorized oral nutrition then she needs to be admitted to a hospital. Nutrition can be provided via the nose into the stomach as a less invasive method, an IV can be given known as parenteral nutrition and the most invasive is the surgical placement of a tube directly to the stomach.
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Mhillwt Apr 2019
my father had the same issues as the posters mom.....he developed mrsa endocarditis with severe sepsis but was responding to antibiotics....but he stopped eating and drinking during this 2 week illness.....he was kept going with IV fluids and dextrose but his albumin was 1.5 - apparently that signifies severe malnutrition....since my dad was a voracious eater before this illness = his weight loss didn't look dramatic...he was astrong muscular 89 yr old....but they told me he would need a feeding tube before going back to rehab for 8 weeks of IV antibiotics...…..I couldn't imagine him in a rehab , bedridden with picc line, feeding tube, stage 3/4 bedsore and urinary catheter for what I was told MIGHT work for healing his endocarditis......but perhaps I should have sent him there without feeding tube...since im reading he could have survived a long time without eating...I feel like I killed him prematurely with hospice...I also was never told about parenteral nutrition ie via vein.....I always thought tube was thru the nose and didn't want him to have that pain....but parenteral might have been ok.....I wish I was more educated on all this when I made hospice decision....after the fact, his dr told me the feeding tube wouldn't have made a difference(why tell me then?) and that parenteral would be prone to infection ,etc and it would be a revolving door back to hospital from rehab, etc....so confusing what they tell you before and then after they die!
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Does Mom have Dysphagia Here, dear? If So, It is going to be Rough, I Realize...It will only be a Matter of Time.
Talk to the Hospital's Social Worker on your Mom. When in a Nursing Facility, a Skilled One, They Make them as Comfortable as Possible and with Much Skill as they are Supposed to have, They will be able to Get her to perhaps Eat PUREED Food to Sustain her for now.
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This is my mother. She was placed in a SNF last summer under hospice care, but recovered. In the 8 months she's been there, she's lost 20 pounds. She hates their food and won't eat it. She had developed a love of salty and sweet treats in the years before her paranoid dementia. She will drink Ensure and eat graham crackers and potato chips, but that's about all. I bring her food on the weekends when I visit, but she's become suspicious of this food as well and doesn't want to eat it. I don't push it. You don't say how old your mother is, but at some point you have to let your mother decide how hungry she wants to be and know you've done your part. Best to you!
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anonymous768192 Apr 2019
My Mom is 69 and is going through this eating phase right now. Some days she won't eat and guess what? I let her decide when she's ready. By that time she eats every single thing I put in front of her. I give her mashed potatoes everyday because that is the only thing I know she will actually swallow. I battle with this daily, however, I really don't want her to go into a home. She's so young and I know how feisty she is. I feel like someone may do something to her because of it.
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I have a completely different view than other responders - is she depressed? Some anti-depressant medications often acts as an appetite stimulant and mood stabilizer. Just a thought.
My other thought was mentioned- dysphasia.
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Any favorite foods. When my aunt in nursing home stops eating we take food that she likes or from favorite restaurants, it helps us.
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I am in favor of letting nature take its course. If someone has stopped eating, this is God and Nature's way of letting life come to an end. It is in my healthcare directions that I do NOT want a feeding tube under any conditions.
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Caregiverhelp11 Apr 2019
I AGREE. I've read that putting in a feeding tube is only prolonging a person's death. Let nature take it's course. Too many elderly are being kept alive by artificial means, the whole time suffering for much longer than they should have too. I know I have told my family that under no circumstances do I want to be kept alive artificially.
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I hope when I am so old that I need surgery and the surgery does not work and I’m tired of living that no one will force me to eat. Let me die in peace.
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cetude Apr 2019
There is no peace with dying. It's a very lengthy, fearful horrible process. I read other posts it took their loved one like two weeks to die. Don't ever say dying is peaceful. That is rarely the case.
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With infinite patience you may be able to coax her to eat, and thicken all fluids. My mom is at those final stages of Alzheimer's so it is difficult for her to eat but I manage..however it takes about 1-1/2 hours to feed her. She also forgets how to swallow so that's another issue. I depend a lot on ice cream to get her started, and she also likes popcorn. Usually the popcorn will start her eating. Sometimes not. If you do not have this kind of time or patience, you have two options when they adamantly refuse to eat: Hospice, and give them pain meds until they die, or a feeding tube. If you are unable to give the narcotics orally they can be given rectally since they will absorb there. Also do planning for the funeral or cremation. Nursing home will usually stick a feeding tube in them simply due to the lack of time they have with so many patients. When they refuse to eat they get weaker and weaker and it can take like two weeks to finally die. It's a terrible thing to go through.
I watched my father die of cancer at home and he was on hospice. It took weeks and it was a very slow, horrifying process. At the very end he vomited black liquid and then he died. He must have choked on it I'm not sure. But don't EVER say dying is peaceful or beautiful. It's horrible to die that slowly. Daddy looked like a skeleton and his abdomen was swollen and hospice never drained the fluid even when they said they would. To this day I hate them.
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I learned in school and the doctors agreed with me on my mom. Try to tempt with sweet things, ice cream, jello, pudding. It helps open the senses and if she can eat just a little something it will help.
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I worked in medical rehab for years and, believe me, no reputable facility will keep a patient who cannot or will not participate in the program. There will be an evaluation period of a few days and then the team has to come up with a plan of care. I hope a family member can attend the care conference or at least meet with the team leader.

Sometimes a person ends up on a rehab unit as a stepping stone to some other placement. The justification is to "give them a chance" to improve. Once in a while, a person behaves differently than at home. Visit often and hope for the best!
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Orgain protein shakes, found at health food stores or buy online.
My dad's favorite is Vanilla Bean and Chocolate Fudge.
Excellent nutrition. Far better than anything else that's out there, so a bit more expensive, yet still better, if you can swing it.
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boost or ensure type drink or if you are in a state with legal marijuana it is helpful with appetite
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At the end, my dad was unable to eat anything due to severe abdominal pain. The dying process took several weeks and it was very difficult for him, and for me to bear witness to. I had to bring in Hospice to provide bedside care but they were unable to adequately control his suffering. If your mom is not suffering, let that be the blessing in this situation.

In the year leading up to the end, my dad experienced nausea and appetite issues. We had good success putting some weight back on him with 2 chocolate milkshakes daily. He enjoyed them and came to look forward to them until his system could no longer process anything. Our bodies know how to shut themselves down and will do so when it's time, despite the best medical efforts to persuade the body otherwise.

I hope your mom will rally in nursing care but as another post pointed out, Medicare doesn't reimburse the facility if your mom doesn't participate in the treatment protocol. It's time to prepare for the possibility that Hospice care will be the next step.

I know what a difficult time this is for both of you and send my wishes for your continued strength during the challenges ahead. Blessings.
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I don't want to be negative Nancy here but, my mother ended her journey in January and she also had stopped eating or refused to eat most food do to the lost of taste. Does she only like sweets? The taste of salt? Only certain foods? Try making some smoothies, you can put also anything in them, fruits, veggies, no meat though. If she doesn't start eating skilled nursing isn't going to help. Is there therapy for her condition? Is she still functioning? Is she sleeping? Cognitive? If she's retreating into herself, I'm afraid that she's preparing herself for her final journey. And you should prepare yourself as well. I hope this helps, at least some of it. Be at peace love
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So many wonderful suggestions. Have not had time to read them all but wanted to add that it is important to keep moms mouth moist. The meds could possibly be causing dry mouth which may make eating even more distasteful. Clean mouth (dentures) often, this may help. This is definitely one of the harder things caregivers go thru. Good luck & God Bless 🙏
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None of us know if its indeed hard for your mum to eat after her sugery. Are they giving your mum drinks with vitamins in? My mum wouldnt eat pureed food said it was disgusting and it did indeed look it.

My mum had dementia and ate no more than a bird, the last few months . As long as your mum is drinking its a start as its whens shes stops drinking things get worse. All you can do is encourage your mum to try and get her to eat little bits and drink as much as she can. Unfortuntaley due to my mums dementia and giving up i reckon she stop drinking too. So within a few weeks she had passed away at the grand age of 89 the end of June 18. Good luck i hope you get your mum sorted. I know how worrying it can be x
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Have the hospital or facility change her meds. It may help her get her appetite back. Also, if you suspect she's in the end of life stages, meet with staff about hospice. At this point, she sounds like she needs it.
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So, why the soft diet?  Does she have dental issues?  My thought is that if she can communicate, she should be given anything in the world she wants to eat so long as it won't interfere with the thyroid issue.  If she does have strength or can be encouraged in the PT, maybe that socialization and physical exertion will generate some appetite.  It is one of the hardest things for any of us who care to witness a loved one not wanting to eat, and dealing with our emotions around loss, which is inevitable and unavoidable but heartbreaking. 
If you think it is the meds, maybe a different med needs to be considered?  What if there is a (MD supervised) drug holiday? If only to see what happens/changes appetite wise.
At one point a couple years ago I was very sick with bronchitis and lost my appetite.  Pretty much some tea, grapefruit and not much else left me in terrible shape.  I knew I had to eat, but didn't even have the strength to fix anything...it was dreadful.  It took a day to get some clothes pulled on but I got to a grocery that has some prepared items, like tuna, chicken salads, potato salads etc.  I grabbed some of it all, and told myself even if I ate only a spoonful, it was better than nothing...and very slowly I got back to myself...but it took a long while.  I can still remember how good the guacamole at Chipotle tasted the first day I went back to work!
Good luck....
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I lost my father at 94 yrs old in jan. I would say the same thing as loosingit said. Take our advice n as hard as it sounds she might be gettn ready n u might b get prepared also. im sorry n god bless u. N all ourcaregivers.if you think tht this is wht might b. Why put her thru all this physical thing.also i was doin all the above things u mentioned u were doin with tryn to feed him plus ensure last thing he was eating was a blend of egg n fruits r veggies ina blender til he just gave up n passed 3 days later i felt it in my gut wht was abt to end.
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Have you tried sweet things like puddings, rice pudding, some foods that are purree but still tasty. A mashed banana? Soupy ice cream? Mashed potatoes with butter and milk so it’s really soft? Has a swallow test been done to see if she is capable of swallow? I used to bring my mom Banana Cream Pie. I knew that she loved it.

When my mother went to this stage, she did not last very long....I knew her feelings about forced feeding so we never had a feeding tube inserted.

I wish you all all the best at this difficult time. I’m so sorry that she is going through this.
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If she is truly at the end of life then I would let her dictate. However, as a person ages the sense of smell often decreases. One helpful tip is to saute onions, and garlic in some butter. The aroma is strong and will often start the salivary glands and increase hunger.
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If you think she's at the end of life, talk to her and ask her. If the answer is yes, (or if she's unable to respond) please think about contacting hospice.  My Mama was in rehab after surgery for broken femur, came home and after two ER trips, came home and her body started decreasing the amount of food she could take in. My Daddy talked with her and she was ready for hospice to come in.  Her body was tired, and her mind was tired of fighting an uphill battle, so hospice was brought in after my Daddy talked with the family doctor.  Hospice made her so comfortable and helped us as she let go.  Hardest thing we have ever done, but I can say the not eating was a sign for her, my Daddy and me to know it was time to help her not be in pain anymore. Talk with your Mom and let her know she is in control of what happens next.  Hugs to you as you continue on this journey.
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