My Mom has dementia. I got a helper from a caregiver service for mom to help mom in the bathroom and bath her. This was a great help for me and release some stress on me. However mom did not feel comfortable and she got confused after. I know this is not comfortable to any one especially if the helper will clean and dry private parts. When I was bathing her I never dried or cleaned her by towel there (respecting her privacy). After bathing her I only wrap her with towel to dry. I felt so sorry for mom and felt with a lot of guilt. I love mom but really getting help bathing and cleaning her will release some stress on me. I will tell the helper do not dry or rub mom there.
To be honest I did not like any one to see mom under shower and violate her privacy. The worst when I felt mom was upset, weak and confused and she was not able to say no. May be she felt humiliation. Please any one advice. Does this will affect her emotionally and mentally? I do not want to worsen her health or condition. I want to make her happy and comfortable
As for cleaning her perineal area, that needs to be done as well, especially if she has issues with incontinence. Usually a bath aide can hand them a washcloth and let them clean themselves if they are still able.
Keeping her clean is an important part of that. If mom gets an open sore from her incontinence and the ammonia in her urine, you will understand how important keeping her clean is to her well-being.
Your personal feelings of embarrassment for your mom notwithstanding, at least once a week mom must be thoroughly cleaned. She will get used to a caregiver. She must. And YOU must.
Buy some fancy mild soap, some nice smelling powders, a lovely plush robe in her favorite color, some snugly slippers, and support the caregiver you've hired. No small part of caregiving is doing what's right even when it's uncomfortable.
Same time if you can everyday or when it seems good for her. You don't want any infection-bladder etc. for you mom which can make things harder for her and you! I learn these things as time went on with my husband who I shower as often as I can if he does not want the caregiver to do it or touch him. He is warming up to the caregiver but it does take time for this to happen. I'm sure you are doing the best you can Hugs and Love to YOU!