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If I even suggest my Mom who is 93 take a shower, she completely becomes unglued. She has has dementia, and will give all kind of excuses why she can't,
I am beside myself with her. Any suggestions?

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See if your mom will let you wash her hair over the sink. Maybe try sponge baths for awhile and see how that goes. Sometimes that's all you can do, unfortunately. It took me over a year to convince my mom to allow me to help her in the shower. Until then, I just improvised as best I could.
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Both at home and now in the assisted living facility, my Mom is washed while sitting on the toilet. I used a moisturizing body wash for everything: to soak her feet in a large rectangular plastic dishpan, and to wash her and her hair. I then swathed her in large bathsheets to let her dry off quickly in a very warm bathroom. Mom did cooperate with this procedure. She did however object to every visit to the bathroom beyond the morning bathing, so this still might not work. You might possibly use dry shampoo, and check such online stores as The Wright Stuff for dry shampoos, washing capes, and other assists for cleaning your Mom. Is there a treat that you can promise her? Mom was crazy for the "Hyatt Breakfast" that I served her every morning, especially the hot natural oatmeal with a half-teaspoon of real maple syrup and dried cranberries, poached egg on toast, strawberries, and microwaved fresh fruit with a touch of honey and cinnamon. That alone would have enticed her as she loved warm foods.
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Thinking - would your Mom like to pretend-wash a babydoll as a prelude to her own bathing while you direct her in the same procedure that you will use to wash her? I know that playing through a procedure has been hellpful to my own young daughter prior to a new experience. I am not at all sure if the though-process is cohesive enough for this to help, but I find that women who took care of children and were particularly fond of babies, and have some dementia often take care of imaginary children, such as parceling out thier own food to other uninhabited places at the table. My own Mom did this quite a lot.
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Thank you all for the advice, however my Mom will not let me in the bathroom with her AT ALL. I have tried all kinds of special things to get to let me help her begin her shower, it is does not work. She has all the right things to take a very safe shower, that we made sure was installed before she came to live with us, to no avail. I believe the next step is assisted living. Thank you guys for your advice!!
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You might consider home health come
In and try. Also the no rinse products
Could be an option.
good lick
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That may be the only way. It is not the procedure that she is resisting (washing versus no rinse) it is just doing it at all. I am making an appointment with her healthcare provider, and she may be able to convince her.
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Sometimes "strangers" can get them
To do things that family members
Can't......sounds funny but true.
just depends.
..alot of variables...I hope your doctor
Might have some ideas.

May you have good luck on your journey.
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