My Mom suffers from extreme anxiety, and has lately begun to call me many times in one day just to hear my voice. Any advice?

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My Mom suffers from extreme anxiety, and has lately begun to call me many times in one day just to hear my voice. Any advice?

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My mom has always been anxious, but it beginning to be uncontrollable. She broke her hip in July and the problem got worse after she left rehab. She is now calling me 30+ times a day, just to hear my voice. I am her care giver, and like many of you, have an a**hole brother who does nothing for her, not even visit. Of course, he lived off my parents for years. Now that I think of it, he rarely calls her, so that's a clue. I can tolerate a few call during the day, but 30 calls seems excessive. She is in independent living, and persuaded the administrator to call me because she was sure I was dead! I turned off my phone due to a doctor's appointment. When in rehab her anxiety was so apparent the doctor ordered an antidepressant. She would fight it so it did no good, forcing me to take her cell phone. I am now forced to turn mine off for part of the day to get some peace. Any comments or observations?

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Tell her you will take one call a day and no more. Tell her to get out of her room and meet some people. And if she tells you she is anxious, tell her to take her meds. If she is forgetting meds, maybe an ALF would be better, they dispense meds and that has made a huge difference for our mom.

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My mother did this to my sister. Maybe 5 times a day, which was more than enough. I live 1500 miles away, but i begged my sister not to answer the phone. She wouldn't listen, but would still complain, to me. My mother has outlived my sister and is perfectly satisfied in a NH. Long story short - set boundaries and do not answer the phone.

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Debsent, it sounds as if she refuses to take an antidepressant? You are her caregiver and she lives in a facility. So, you should ask the staff there to get her out for various activities. This will probably take some work on their part. But if Mom gets into the swing of things she may just find she enjoys it. If staff does not have the time to encourage her, most facilities will allow you to bring in an outside caregiver. Even a couple days a week, for a few weeks to get Mom interested in staying busy.

Surgery anesthesia is very hard on a elderly person's brain. In fact it was after surgery my Mom had that her dementia became more pronounced. While I think the anesthesia did something to her brain, it could have become more noticeable because following the surgery we were paying more attention to her.

Could it be that your Mom may be developing dementia? If so, the anxiety will continue to worsen as well as any other symptoms she is showing.

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Thanks. I do find these comments helpful.. Mom is in independent living, which means she will have to move if she needs more care. I have repeatedly asked her doctor to put on ativan, which she took in rehab, but he refuses to do so. I get some garbage back as a response. Her hip repair was done with spinal anesthesia. She has always been helpless and anxious, and my brother now exhibits same qualities. This has worsened since Dad died in 2010. One day last week, she called every half hour from 8:am until 11:30 PM. After noon I turned off my cell. She got two neighbors and the administrator to call my husband, who was at work, and my daughter, who was in her college Chem class. I am trying to study for a professional certification test so I can get a job. Her anxiety already cost me a job. So telling her to call once a day is useless. Her fellow residents don't understand the situation. She does this even though she sees us when we buy groceries, meds, and doctor trips, 30 per week. But it helps to know I can discuss this with good people.

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Debsent, I would turn off the phone during the hours you are busy. Set up call screening, add your Mom,s number to the list. I can imagine how frustrating this is for you. When my Mom's decline first began she would make these calls even in the middle of the night, to all three of her children. It will get worse. Tell Mom she either tries an antipressant, antianxiety drug to help control the behaviors or and facility making new friends that will keep her busy and away from the phone.

If you continue to answer the phone, she will continue to call. Tell hubby and daughter that they need to stop answering the calls as well. And what is your daughter doing with her cell phone on during Chemistry class?! Sorry, one of my pet peeves how people are so attached to their phones they forget about decency. I also know that in many situations a cell phone is perfectly acceptable. But not, IMHO, in a college chem class.

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I would get her ASAP to a geriatric psychiatrist, if she is not being seen by one already. She may need a different anti depressant, or an additional one. Ativan is not a great drug for the elderly. Klonopin is supposedly better, less rebound, fewer cases of it actually CAUSING MORE anxiety. Is there a geripsych who comes to the facility? My mother benefited tremendously from meeting with the geri psych once a week, just to chat a bit. Mom's anxiety was what landed her in IL to begin with. In retrospect, it was caused by her Mild Cog Decline.

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Turn the ringer off on your cell or block your mom's number. Your call log will sill show that she called only you won't see her come up on your caller ID as she is calling. At the end of the day you can sit down and see how many times she's called.

I think once a day is reasonable. 30 times a day is way out of control. And don't break down and answer. If she has called you, for example, 13 times that day and you answer on the 14th time your mom gets the message that it takes 14 calls to get you to the phone.

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p.s. your bro has nothing to do with this. It seems it's all on you, so forget about him. You do NOT need the stress of having to be angry with him while trying to figure out how to deal with your mom. Only YOU know your mom. So, don't stress over your brother. Forget about him. Deal with your mom.

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debsent, this is just a suggestion, start the day early by calling your Mom.... tell her what you plan to do for the day [I know, she may or may not remember what you said] and that you won't be able to answer your phone until evening.... then you will call her in the evening to see how her day went. I know this is a long shot.

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Don't add to moms anxiety by not answering phone. You must get her to a geriatric psychiatrist immediately for the right medication. It is unkind to both you and your mother to live this way when it can be prevented. Her anxiety is debilitating to hers and your quality of life.

My Mom suffers from extreme anxiety, and has lately begun to call me many times in one day just to hear my voice. Any advice?

37 Answers

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