Mom has Dementia and Parkinson's. She is bed ridden and sleeps a lot and eats very little.
She no longer can hold her urine or defecate on her own. She also keeps her eyes closed most of the time now.
Her hands do get fidgety at times.
Today she told me I better get prepared. I asked her for what?
She said the cemetery... I asked her what do you mean?
Mom said you know where you put people when they die.
I asked her why are you telling me this.
She said because you need to prepare yourself..... does she know or think she is dying?
I hope that's not the case. It really hurt hearing her telling me this...
The best you can do is acknowledge what she has said and reassure her that you will be okay (even if you don't feel like you will!) This will help her knowing that you will alright. If she has not made/discussed her funeral arrangements with you, you could use this opportunity to ask her. Once you have taken care of business, then focus on her and you, memories, loved ones, whatever conjures up pleasant moments in your lives. Anytime she brings it up again, reassure her all is well!
The only other suggestion is perhaps looking into hospice. I have not had to go that route yet, but from reading various posts, more often than not they are super helpful for the patient AND the family members affected by the illness/death. Check with her doctor about getting this set up. Also, because not all are alike, rest assured that if you are not happy with how they are dealing with mom or you, there are others you can switch to, until you find a better fit!
Remember the good times with mom!!! Spend as much time as you can with her and focus on pleasant memories made over the years! It might help take her mind off the coming days and will likely help you when that dreaded time arrives, knowing that you made her happy.
Incontinence is very common. Don't worry about that, just keep her clean.
You may want to check with Parkinson's doctor on fidgety. He or she may be able to adjust medication.
Allow your mother to assist with her burial choices. That is great. You may just want to have a talk and ask her what she wants after death. Good to plan ahead. You both can go meet with funeral directors if you want. Just beware of overselling.
Anyway, as far as OP is concerned, I would agree with the general consensus that Mom's comments are not to be feared, but to be accepted, as it sounds more as if she is coming to terms with her own mortality, which may or may not be imminent but is certainly inevitable, as is the case with all of us. It sounds to me as if Mom is inviting you along on this journey, however long it may take. I hope you will take her hand and comfort her, and allow her to comfort you, through the journey.
Peace to you both.
He did reach out and he was killed in a freak accident 1 week later.
That made a believer out of me.
Take this time to say goodbye and thank you and anything else you feel needs said. It is a blessing to be able to get your affairs in order.
I am sorry you are loosing your mom, focus on the beauty she brought to your life and the fact that she is no longer suffering. Hugs!
Ask her who she sees around her. If she tells you she sees friends and loved ones that are deceased, ask her to describe. Ask her what they are telling her. Take notes.
This is why I believe in an afterlife. My loved ones had experiences that were unbelievable. I took notes. Some of the things they told me accurately described the present (true things about my family that no one, including me, could have known) and even predicted the future. These conversations were a miracle.
Do you have support? Have you had her evaluated for Hospice? They are a true blessing.
Hon--nobody lives forever. You wouldn't want her to go on in this state forever, would you? That's just cruel. Both her diseases are awful, awful ways to live.
I hope you can find some support & help, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Hospice has been recommended here because they also give support to the caregiver and have been through many a death. They can explain things to you as well as provide ongoing grief support. It is not just for the patient only. Getting hospice doesn't mean you are giving up...it means you are taking steps to ease your mother's transition from this life to the next. Let her go normally...learn to accept that life is about loss and death. I had to tell my mom it was ok to go when she was in a coma from a brain tumor. It was for her that I told her. I still miss her 29 years later, that won't leave ever but we did what was right by her.
If someone isn’t dying because their body is being overwhelmed by something (like an infection) then dying is like a slow shutting down and, depending upon the person’s self awareness, they may be very in touch with the process.
I think that some people are simply very aware of the feeling of letting go and are able to identify it. Others are not doing it consciously.
I did not know at the time, but I felt a warning in me before she passes. All I knew back then, my father and stepmother came back from AL ( state ). I hugged my father, and I felt like I wanted to cry, but did not. Very short time later, she went to rest. My stepmother must've known, because she told me when they got back from AL, ( she was in the hospital ), she told my father not to unpack yet. Intuition served her correctly.
Also, I had a long-distance boyfriend once. He was a friend to at least some of my relatives, but I kept our relationship private from family, wanting to wait to see what would happen first and praying about it. Well, one day I was in a weekday worship morning service, and I and this lady who might be old enough to be my mother, hugging in a pew, she made mention of how the sun was beautiful ( we looked through stained glass ). I wanted to cry, but held back. I did not know why. I'm sure you all been there before. It was a Friday morning, the next week or so, he passed away. I dunno what happened. My mother just knew he was on ventilator.
I tell these stories to not only confirm that yes, a person can know when they are dying, but also, you can see it coming, even if at first you may not know the bad that is about to happen ( death or something else ).
My Dad is now in MC. He can’t see, Dementia has altered who he was. He eats with his hands because he can’t find his plate. Hospice was called in last summer but his appetite is good and unless his heart fails I don’t see him leaving this earth anytime soon. It’s so hard to see him in this state, quality of life is gone, other then food. I’ve been listening though for him to let me know so I’ll be prepared.
It can be a mystery but your Mom is communicating what she knows.
Remember to take care of yourself too.
In my 20 plus year career working with seniors I have seen this often. I will never forget the first lady I cared for that this happened to, I can still see her plain as day. She had diabetes and heart issues but was not on hospice and was not in crisis.. She went to the hairdresser that day and told her to do her hair (which she still dyed red) extra well because she was "going to see Jesus". That night we sent her to the hospital and she passed. I am not a really religious or spiritual person, but I do believe some people know. Take it as the blessing it can be.
It's going to be ok. Remember, when she leaves the body, she will be free of its limitations and suffering.
And grieving while she is still here is ok, too. It's hard to let go of someone who has known you your whole life...your attachment is understandable...
Love to your heart...
My Own Mom was Dying in the End in the Hospital, When an angelic Nurse told me to "Prepare the Family."
Get all of her affairs NOW in order...