Have you dealt with trying to move a parent in with you but knowing that his/her 3 cats are not going to work in your house? Am I being unfair? I have 2 dogs, Mom's 3 cats tend to urinate in the house and I do NOT want that in my house!! Can you think of a compromise?
I hate to mention this, since, I don't really believe in it, but, is there any chance the cats could be kept outside? I know that some people build outdoor kitty areas even.
But HeatherKing has already said she doesn't want them. Her husband is refusing to allow them. There is no way to keep the cats, and Heather's family shouldn't have to sacrifice even further. They are already sacrificing to have her mother move in with them (probably a much bigger sacrifice than Heather realizes, as it's usually much more difficult than people think it will be).
Looks like her mother has made her choice. She will go to live in a facility.
(HeatherKing, I hope YOU aren't going to be paying for the facility!!!)
Tell her so. And then help he find a place to live that will accept the cats and good luck on that.
My mother has 2 feral cockatiels. They are beyond filthy, and she cannot clean their cage so she just keeps lining it with more and more newspaper. She lives with YB and his family and they have between 4-7 cats, I'm not sure. The smell in that house is BAD!
I have cancer and have been on chemotherapy all summer. One of the things I am not allowed to be around during the chemo and for 6+ months post chemo is feral birds. Their feathers and dander and poop are toxic to me. I could easily get a fungal infection from them. Telling my mother that I couldn't see her for about a year due to this and asking her if she would consider re-homing the birds for a year so I COULD come help her and see her...she chose the birds. This has hurt me beyond words. She chose birds she didn't even want in the first place, they're not "hand trained" so they hiss and scream when anyone but mother gets near them. She calls them her 'little buddies' but they are just a living breathing part of her hoard.
I'm sorry for you--if you were hoping to bring mom home for her care, but we cannot MAKE our parents put us ahead of their pets or their junk.....
People will adopt older cats. Couple years ago I adopted a 12 year old cat, and last month adopted an 8 year old cat. At my age, no kittens or youngsters that would outlive me.
Cat usually urinate outside the box if the boxes are not clean. It would be like us going into our bathroom and finding the person before us didn't flush. Cats will also urinate elsewhere if they have a urinary tract infection. Stress can also cause problems.
Could your Mom budget for Assisted Living where they will accept pets? I don't know if 3 cats would be allowed. But Mom would need to keep those litter boxes spotless. Some Assisted Living places have people who will come in to help with the pet for an added cost.
If any flexibility for a meet-in-the middle option, perhaps you can allow just one cat? If you go that route, keeping a clean litter box is key in making sure the cat uses it which means you or your mom need to scoop it out once every day. Also, make sure it is easily accessible to the cat and not in a room with a locked door or outside somewhere.
Although I have stated many times on this site that I will not provide care for either of my parents, I do have an agreement in place with Mum. If she goes into care, I will take her pets.
I have 3 cats and 2 dogs, I also volunteer for a cat rescue feeding feral cats 4 days a week. I understand the bond between a person and pets. I can completely understand not being concerned about damage to stuff, as it is just stuff, not a relationship.
If you have a local cat rescue, they may offer a placement service or temporary fosters.
I grew up with cats and dogs. Love them both. I am pet free at the moment. After having to put down my last animal (my sweet greyhound) I feel like can’t go through the pain of losing another animal again. I volunteered with finding greys homes. They are incredible dogs.
I have never had to surrender an animal and don’t know that I could because I was strongly committed to my fur babies. I would have been devastated if I had to let go of an animal but I suppose it would help if I knew they were going to a loving home. Then I could feel good that they would be taken care of, plus someone else could have joy from loving them as well.
If I were in your mom’s situation I would accept that you have asked that I do not bring my pets and either go into assisted living or surrender my kitties.
If I were in your situation I would stand my ground and not take in animals that you are not willing to take. Why should you? It’s your house and you don’t even owe anyone an explanation for your feelings.
Let’s face it, your mom is blessed just knowing that you are welcoming her into your home, without the cats. So, maybe she will choose the assisted living facility and have her fur babies by her side. You can visit her. Might be the best solution.
Best wishes for all of you, including the kitties!
In your case, I would NEVER take cats who urinate inside the house into my home, allergies or not. That is 100% unacceptable and unsanitary. Once a cat does that, it's nearly impossible to get rid of the odor!!
Best of luck!
Honestly I need to tell you that I just lost my last little dog a week ago. It is so hard to know I will have no more, that at 77 I am down to fostering in my home. I have had animals all my life. But I would NEVER now get an animal that I will NOT outlive, and that will become a burden to my children. I do all that I conceivably can not to burden my children.
I couldn't be more sorry for Mom. I have loved animals all of my entire life, and have had more cats and more dogs than I can begin to tell you. But that time now is over. In the end, aging, it is all about loss. And this is one loss in many that come to us. Our minds, our bodies, our lives, our lifestyles, our choices. We lose them ALL if you live long enough. It is worth wailing about, crying about, grieving about. But it has to be the way it is. As they already urinate in the house I would attempt placement with someone who has "barn cats" but it may be that there is no answer but surrendering them to a shelter. We all know where that ends for the most part; I have done rescue work since retirement. It is sad, but this is life. I am so sorry. I can imagine her grief acutely, because I am grieving now, and it is even harder when you don't know the outcome for your animals.
Sorry, I think that an animal that soils it own living arrangements is not all there and I would not have an animal in my home that did that.
You can make them outdoor cats, but they are a deal breaker for me.
Have you ever tried to get rid of the stench of cat urine? It is almost impossible.
Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!
Edit: I just read through the post. Heather, your mom is already trying to make the rules in your house. Just because she wants to live with you doesn't mean that you are required to grant her wish.
If she has always been stubborn and not willing to compromise with others but demands that she gets her way, you are making the worst mistake of your life by moving her in.
She will push being the mistress of the house, she will treat you like a child, she will make your home a miserable place for everyone. I would rethink your decision unless you want to be treated like you are 5, or you want to run your husband off, or maybe you want to be tied to your house 24/7 with a manipulative, ungrateful, demanding mom that doesn't care about your needs because hers are always more important. If you want to live this way, move her in. If you want to keep your marriage and your sanity let her move to an AL or stay in her home with aides coming in to help.
There are so few success stories when a parent makes ultimatums or demands about living in the home of one of their children. She has already started this behavior. Think about it.
If you can compromise by bringing one cat, I would try that. And try to rehome the other 2 or take them to a no kill shelter (we don’t have one here).
I am like Alva. I wouldn’t want to outlive an animal.
So, not all vets are "kinder"....
If you like cats, tell mom she must choose one cat and ONLY one. Be firm. It's your home. Tell her the chosen one must make peace with the dogs, or the cat will have to go. (Sorry, I'm chuckling, as I write this. As an "animal lover" I just can't help it!) The litter box or boxes must be away from human traffic and MUST be totally inaccessible to the dogs! (try a top-entry litter box or one with a small labyrinth entry way.) Tell her that, for sanitary reasons, peeing or pooping outside the litter box more than "x" number of times (some time must be allowed for adjustment) will be grounds for eviction (... of the CAT, not Mom!). Remind her, that, seriously, the the Health Department could become involved otherwise.
Don't allow your mother (or her animals) to dominate your household! Remind her that you love her very much and that you know she loves her cats. Tell her you know she'll miss her "furr babies", but after all, the human family matters most. Tell her you want to make her feel valued and as comfortable as possible in the human family that she already has.
I am appalled that people are so quick to kill animals.
If you like cats, tell mom she must choose one cat and ONLY one. Be firm. It's your home. Tell her the chosen one must make peace with the dogs, or the cat will have to go. (Sorry, I'm chuckling, as I write this. As an "animal lover" I just can't help it!) The litter box or boxes must be away from human traffic and MUST be totally inaccessible to the dogs! (try a top-entry litter box or one with a small labyrinth entry way.) Tell her that, for sanitary reasons, peeing or pooping outside the litter box more than "x" number of times (some time must be allowed for adjustment) will be grounds for eviction (... of the CAT, not Mom!). Remind her, that, seriously, the the Health Department could become involved otherwise.
Don't allow your mother (or her animals) to dominate your household! Remind her that you love her very much and that you know she loves her cats. Tell her you know she'll miss her "furr babies", but after all, the human family matters most. Tell her you want to make her feel valued and as comfortable as possible in the human family that she already has.
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So sorry. When I wrote this, I saw nothing about a HUSBAND in the original post. That detail changes everything! Please DO what husband wants (short of cat-ri-cide". Hiss and growl at me, criticize me for my levity, if you want, but I live in an independent living facility that allows pets, only small ones and only one per apartment. In fact, I believe that HUD now requires such accommodation in many senior buildings. Residents are required, of course, to keep designated "pet apartments" clean or hire a person to see to this.
I have no close relatives, none closer than a days drive away. And I am far from the only one here in this situation. Research has proven that pet dogs or cats can lower an owners blood-pressure and provide comfort, often more effectively than tranquilizers or pain meds. On the other hand, adding pets to a home can easily increase stress among both two-footed and four-footed residents and what sane person wants that?
I think her initial post, reposted here, was suggesting cat-haters could put them down "humanely" (my previous vet skimped on this "method" and I refused to have him "help" my cats after that!) and non-cat-haters could find a home or shelter.
Don't jump to conclusions - re-read the posts before commenting, as sometimes the written words can be misinterpreted.
I guess "teeny tiny" is a relative term, eh.
Also, do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to make sure that you have an alternate to having Mom move in with you, JUST IN CASE you find her physical issues too difficult to manage. She seems from your description to be quite involved physically, and you may soon find that her comfort and safety depend on round the clock care.
I live in the country and my cats always went out to pee and poop. The litter-box was only for emergencies and for when I had to leave them overnight and a couple of weekends if I was traveling.
And I had 2 dogs and never a problem among them, once the dogs got used to the cats.
Personally, I think bringing mom into your home isn't the best idea. I do believe in tiny lies, and I'd think up a good one to get her interested in assisted living instead.
We almost had my dad here - his hospital bed & everything else was already in my house. I knew it was a bad idea, and I had a feeling of dread hanging over me. His health took a turn for the worse so he had to stay in the rehab center longer, and I had my excuse. It was the truth too because I really couldn't lift him.
It's hard on us as caregivers when we have to help decide where our loved ones will go. It's harder still when we bring them into our homes - and find we have gotten to a point where we can't meet their needs. Then we have to break their hearts & find them a better arrangement, usually assisted living. How much better would it be if we just skipped the part where we have to do that?
If you're set on having mom at home, I wish you the best, and hope your family holds up well too. But no to the cats!
The "BEST" thing is not having them put down. If one can find a no-kill shelter, they can at the least live out their life and be cared for. They might find a medical issue and treat it. They might be able to "fix" the personality issues. If they are young enough, or find the right adopter, they might be able to re-home them. Worst case is no "cure" for the peeing, but if it is no-kill, they deal with it. Our shelter even had what they refer to as the "Pee" room (mainly ferals.)
Resorting to "putting them down" is not the first OR best option.
Secondlythe cats.... if I could do it over again with my in laws having 5 cats..I would have insisted that we take at least 2 of them to a shelter. Having cats that urinate in the house is not acceptable. If you are forced to take them, which I don't believe you are, find a room like a patio that they can be isolated from the rest of the horse. Have it air conditioned/ heated.
I also know that cats urinate outside their litter boxes because of medical reasons and also when they see that there is something amiss or wrong with their owner. They may be detecting her illness and are reacting to it. Some cats have been known to isolate themselves when there is a change in their owners health or behavior.