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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Caregiving, either full, part-time or even occasionally, can be very frustrating. Sometimes, at some point, it’s just not healthy anymore. Can you give us some more information? Do you live in your moms house? Does she live in yours? Are you her full time caregiver? Do you have any help?
Cheryl you are not alone. That is two major diseases to be battling and without a doubt hardest on you. I am sure many others will respond and support you
I can speak for me. My situation is a bit different but the feelings and struggling the same.
First, forgive yourself. Stop beating yourself down for not having the ability to manage the emotions yet.
We all get to that place of yelling at some point and it feels horrible. I am so glad to hear you acknowledge it's no good and has to stop. Because of that awareness you will get better with guidance for sure.
That's the key here. Get to a therapist/counsler who can guide you through the hurt, anger and pain. You need that decompression. And perhaps take the opportunity to educate yourself on those conditions and what they cause. Knowing will help you cling hold to the compassion exhaustion hasn't surrendered quite yet.
I have a son with the equivalent of Parkinson. When I learned that paranoia, hallucinations, and hearing things can at times be symptoms for some patients, I became much more patient and less angry.
I felt badly for spending so many days angry at him being burned out with his constant anxieties. It clicked differently because I knew he was scared and being reactive as a result.
So, please start with forgiveness towards self. And if you can't get some mental health support so you can, and be able to make the best decisions possible.
Also, I would absolutely be working on placing Mom at a capable facility/living situation. With her in the grips of two major diseases that are work intensive to support. Doing it alone at home will break you.
Be sure to set healthy boundaries as you go forward so you are not pressured into a caregiver role. Especially if family is behaving in ways that send off signals of "dumping Mom" in the most convenient place for themselves. No matter the promises to help. Once you take that role people vanish.
I will let others add since so many here live this life everyday too. Don't give up on yourself. And don't let the pressure make decisions for you.
What works for me is getting out. I am not a person who raises my voice ( unless my husband wants to pass an 18 wheeler on the turnpike). Lol. But get out and away as much as you can. Realize it’s the illness not the person who is driving you nuts. Also realize you are human. You have limits. You nor your mother asked for this. Realize that most people in our shoes have no training or background in dealing with dementia. It’s kind of like becoming a new mom. But not really. No training there either with the first baby. The times nothing works to get them to sleep or stop crying, but somehow we managed. And most of all I live by the fact, that this too shall pass
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I can speak for me. My situation is a bit different but the feelings and struggling the same.
First, forgive yourself. Stop beating yourself down for not having the ability to manage the emotions yet.
We all get to that place of yelling at some point and it feels horrible. I am so glad to hear you acknowledge it's no good and has to stop. Because of that awareness you will get better with guidance for sure.
That's the key here. Get to a therapist/counsler who can guide you through the hurt, anger and pain. You need that decompression. And perhaps take the opportunity to educate yourself on those conditions and what they cause. Knowing will help you cling hold to the compassion exhaustion hasn't surrendered quite yet.
I have a son with the equivalent of Parkinson. When I learned that paranoia, hallucinations, and hearing things can at times be symptoms for some patients, I became much more patient and less angry.
I felt badly for spending so many days angry at him being burned out with his constant anxieties. It clicked differently because I knew he was scared and being reactive as a result.
So, please start with forgiveness towards self. And if you can't get some mental health support so you can, and be able to make the best decisions possible.
Also, I would absolutely be working on placing Mom at a capable facility/living situation. With her in the grips of two major diseases that are work intensive to support. Doing it alone at home will break you.
Be sure to set healthy boundaries as you go forward so you are not pressured into a caregiver role. Especially if family is behaving in ways that send off signals of "dumping Mom" in the most convenient place for themselves. No matter the promises to help. Once you take that role people vanish.
I will let others add since so many here live this life everyday too. Don't give up on yourself. And don't let the pressure make decisions for you.
And most of all I live by the fact, that this too shall pass
It is okay to not be the boots on the ground caregiver, you will still be her daughter and advocate while she is being cared for by professionals.
Hugs, it is a tough situation.