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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My mother is in nursing home, my husband wants to do winter months down south, how do I leave her for three months? I don’t want to put my life on hold but don’t know that I can leave. Torn, any thoughts?
What has your experience been with the nursing home? Do they report regularly to you on your mom's condition? Are they available when you need them? How does your mom get along with the caregivers? What does your mom think about your vacation plans? Can someone else visit her in your absence (sibling, neighbor, friend)? How often do you visit her?
She says she hates it there, one day she likes the girls next day she doesn’t. Gets very upset/ mean to me anytime I take a week long vacation. When I’m away I pay someone to go out once a week and visit, my siblings are useless and don’t visit .
You say in your profile that your mom is suffering from “ general age-related decline”. Does that include dementia? If so, no matter what you do it will make no difference. My mother hated everything and everyone where she was. She never hassled me about visiting or not, but complained constantly about everything else.
How has she guilted you into paying someone to visit her when you’re away? Honestly, is this for your benefit or her’s? If she is still nasty to you when you return, maybe the person paid to visit isn’t doing that much good.
Since this is already March, you probably wouldn’t be gone that long. Even if you were, if your mom is as negative and dramatic as mine was, you may as well go with hubby and enjoy yourself. Because if you don’t get nailed for leaving, you’ll get it for something else.
What if you lived in another state? Your mom would have to make due. I don't think we should give up our own lives in service to our parents, particularly when they're not grateful for what you're doing anyway. I say go and check in with the management team every week or every two weeks and enjoy your time away.
You say you are torn. I would be too, but everyone has a different story and relationship with their parents. How long has she been there? How is her health? How was your relationship before? I know there are some children that rarely saw their parents prior to their going into a nursing home because of abuse or poor parenting. Since this is March already, I assume that you are planning for next year. I can really understand your hesitation. My parents have recently become residents in a nursing home and we children are still getting used to giving up the control of their care. We fluctuate between relief and guilt. They are settling in well, but we are all cognizant of the fact that we still have to be advocates for their care. Even the best facilities need the oversight of someone from the outside watching out for them. And of course to visit! Even if all they do is complain or we just sit there in silence. It might be that it is all very new to me, but I could not imagine not seeing my mother for 3 months while she was in a nursing home. When she was was younger and independent - sure. But she is more vulnerable now. They both are. I guess I will get slammed for saying this, but you asked for our thoughts, and these are mine. Maybe my feelings will change in the future. So much of your decision rests on where you are in your caregiving journey, and what your relationship was and is with your mother. You have time before next winter to make a clearer decision.
Your mom won’t likely be happy anywhere. Just like mine. My folks are in care 600 miles from me. They are safe and cared for very well. There’s nothing I can do to improve getting old, dementia and health problems. I have 2 trips planned this spring and I’ll be driving down to see my folks as well
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Do they report regularly to you on your mom's condition?
Are they available when you need them?
How does your mom get along with the caregivers?
What does your mom think about your vacation plans?
Can someone else visit her in your absence (sibling, neighbor, friend)?
How often do you visit her?
How has she guilted you into paying someone to visit her when you’re away? Honestly, is this for your benefit or her’s? If she is still nasty to you when you return, maybe the person paid to visit isn’t doing that much good.
Since this is already March, you probably wouldn’t be gone that long. Even if you were, if your mom is as negative and dramatic as mine was, you may as well go with hubby and enjoy yourself. Because if you don’t get nailed for leaving, you’ll get it for something else.
Since this is March already, I assume that you are planning for next year. I can really understand your hesitation. My parents have recently become residents in a nursing home and we children are still getting used to giving up the control of their care. We fluctuate between relief and guilt. They are settling in well, but we are all cognizant of the fact that we still have to be advocates for their care. Even the best facilities need the oversight of someone from the outside watching out for them. And of course to visit! Even if all they do is complain or we just sit there in silence.
It might be that it is all very new to me, but I could not imagine not seeing my mother for 3 months while she was in a nursing home. When she was was younger and independent - sure. But she is more vulnerable now. They both are.
I guess I will get slammed for saying this, but you asked for our thoughts, and these are mine. Maybe my feelings will change in the future. So much of your decision rests on where you are in your caregiving journey, and what your relationship was and is with your mother. You have time before next winter to make a clearer decision.
Do the snowbird thing. You need a life too.