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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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It doesn't sound like you have much choice. She is miserable because of her health issues. She needs nursing care. If the home is substandard you can try to move her, but that could backfire, too.
Ask to doctor to see if she is depressed. An antidepressant helps some people - others not. It's worth checking.
Please try to make sure she gets plenty of attention from family and friends. Also, see to it that her pain relief is adequate. Just keep assuring her you are doing all you can. This is hard for everyone. Carol
She is on depression meds, we go everyday to see her. The home is 5 star rated and we have talked to the social worker many times. No one has any real answers. They say she probably never will adjust. She just got a new roommate and already says she does not like here. I told her to give her a chance. This is very difficult to handle with the stress of family life and work.
It sucks to deal with the guilt and wouldn't it be nice if the parent would care enough to put a good face on things for our benefit? That doesn't happen so ..... life sucks. Is she wanting to live with you?
My dad's social worker keeps calling me. Dad is crying, dad wishes he were dead, etc.. etc... I try to keep him off drugs so he can function so I hate to hear they want to put him on something else.....
I refused for them to add more anti-depressant because I was afraid dad would get beligerant (sp) so they decided to add ability to his existing celexa. It seems to have worked wonders. They also move him from bed ridden to a wheelchair at my insistence and that made a huge positive difference for him.
Try ABILIFY for your mom added to the anti-depressant - well talk to the doctor.
Also you can get a book player and headphones if your mom would enjoy listening to books. There are free services for that out there.
If your mom can handle it, tell her how her unhappiness is making your feel in your life and she may try harder. But we all know how that goes.
The social worker where my mother is has explained to her several times why they cannot make a safe discharge at this time and asked if she is willing to work with PT to make enough progress to go home. She says yes with her head, but does not cooperate. The social worker also avoids putting her staying there off on me as her medical POA and places it at the feet of the nursing home doctor.
This sounds so much like my dad. He says he is doing his arm exercises. He says he will do this and will participate in PT but then ..... he doesn't. I know I do the same thing with my diet and my exercises... I WANT to do them but just do not... but if I had a "trainer" to encourage me ... surely I would LOL.
I do have to say the low does of Abilify took away my dads weepy fits and seemed to give him some energy and motivation. I would encourage you to ask the doctor to see if a low dosage could possibly help your moms mindset.
My dad was also slightly paranoid about people taking things, and having some problems with dream vs reality and the ability seems to have helped that too.
I get mad at the nursing home at times but I know I would be miserable with my dad here. I feel sorry for him and want to bring him here but I know how he can be and have to keep myself from doing something stupid and saying" okay come live with me" .... I could not even get him to the toilet in the shape he is in now.
cmagnum, are you sure that we are not dealing with the same social worker? Mom started PT this week and now has decided that she can do it herself at home. Right! She can't even remember when she got her medicine or what it was. Today she wanted us to call the family doctor because he could let her go home. Thank heavens the nurses didn't by that one either. But I have found that of all the staff at a facility it seems that the social workers / case managers are the one who know the least about what's going on or take a personal look at each indiviual situtation. Most of my frustration over the last year as come from them. Speak directly to the staff doctor about your concerns be direct and to the point and also let the director of nursing and her nurses on each shift know what your plans, goals and reasons for your decisions concerning your mom are, this is what I have been doing. I have been polite ( alittle hard at times, when I am tired and frustrated) but at least I am starting to get everyone on the same page. I do not always have to run to the nursing home to do this sometimes I just call and ask to speak to mom's nurse on that shift. I always take time to speak with them when I visit, it's my way of of saying I am here, I am concerned about by moms care and I need you/and expect you to do your job and comunicate with me and my mom. If I think they are not directing mom in the right direction (I can tell by the way she's talking or thinking) I bring that to their attention. I guess it all comes down to comunication which at times can be difficult especially with people who are suppose to be trained to handle these problems. Continue to try, Just take it one day at a time, that's all we can or need to do for ourselves and our love ones. God Bless 7 Good Night
My mom has been in the nursing home for 2 months and this weekend was the first weekend I was not called.Yay !! I go everyday during the week and stopped going on weekends. She had episodes like that and she has been on a antidepressant for years. They did give her on those days ativan that seem to help alot. I was advised by some very wise folks on this site to stay away a couple of days..when I did she finally got out of her room. She has finally made some friends, plays bingo, does crafts. Everyday is an adventure, but right now the sailing is smooth.... she does not have a roommate as of this moment now when that happens it could be a whole other issue. These are not easy times, but I have to say it is a time of growth, but not easy. Good luck and this site is an absolutely God-send ;-)
we moved my mom into a facility a month ago. we all live far away but my sister is there with her for the time being. question, she is actually staying in the independent apartment 24/7. mom does not seem to be adjusting, while I really appreciate my sister, maybe being there all the time is not so good? maybe mom would force herself a little more if she didn't have sis to lean on. she has short term memory loss and is scared.
Wilbur does your sister get your mom out to meet others in the facility? I could see that as being helpful, but if she's just entertaining mom alone in the apt, it's not helping your mom in my opinion. Some facilities also have "greeters" or folks who live there who help introduce new people around. Where my mom and dad moved, they had that when they moved there. See if the facility has anyone like that. I'd talk to the management to see what they suggest to get your mom integrated into the community.
thanks, sis goes to breakfast, lunch and dinner with her. they have attended a couple of activities and enjoys them. but mom keeps saying she doesn't know how she will manage once sis leaves. I think she will be fine with some help from caregivers making sure she gets up, goes to meals and activities. I feel like it is the same as leaving a reluctant toddler at day care the first time. eventually they manage and enjoy. hard on sis and mom. I will be flying there next week and can access for myself. tough times.
Wilbur the only other thing I'll say is that my mom has virtually no short-term memory. And she knows her memory is very bad. It impacts her ability to meet new people and interact with them and even her old friends. She can't really carry on a conversation for more than a couple of minutes because she'll ask you the same question every three minutes. So she has really quit interacting with others where she lives. Luckily my mom loves to read and is very happy being on her own. Your mom may be experiencing the fear of knowing she's not quite "right" and worrying how to be out in the world with others. If she was in assisted living instead of Independent Living, she might feel a little better, as folks there need more help?
It's so hard when the short-term memory is gone. I'm sure that your mom is frightened because she knows that she forgets things and she can't trust that the staff can take good care of her. It's natural and it's sad. But eventually, she'll gain confidence. She may not know who her caregivers are, but they will seem familiar, anyway (we can hope).
I wish there were ways to magically help our elders feel better, but when dementia takes over it's very hard to make any kind of change. Even if she went home, she likely wouldn't remember it as home. Think how terrifying that must be. You are such compassionate people. It's just wonderful to see the support you give each other. Blessings, Carol
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Ask to doctor to see if she is depressed. An antidepressant helps some people - others not. It's worth checking.
Please try to make sure she gets plenty of attention from family and friends. Also, see to it that her pain relief is adequate. Just keep assuring her you are doing all you can. This is hard for everyone.
Carol
That doesn't happen so ..... life sucks. Is she wanting to live with you?
My dad's social worker keeps calling me. Dad is crying, dad wishes he were dead, etc.. etc... I try to keep him off drugs so he can function so I hate to hear they want to put him on something else.....
I refused for them to add more anti-depressant because I was afraid dad would get beligerant (sp) so they decided to add ability to his existing celexa. It seems to have worked wonders. They also move him from bed ridden to a wheelchair at my insistence and that made a huge positive difference for him.
Try ABILIFY for your mom added to the anti-depressant - well talk to the doctor.
Also you can get a book player and headphones if your mom would enjoy listening to books. There are free services for that out there.
If your mom can handle it, tell her how her unhappiness is making your feel in your life and she may try harder. But we all know how that goes.
He says he is doing his arm exercises. He says he will do this and will participate in PT but then ..... he doesn't.
I know I do the same thing with my diet and my exercises... I WANT to do them but just do not... but if I had a "trainer" to encourage me ... surely I would LOL.
I do have to say the low does of Abilify took away my dads weepy fits and seemed to give him some energy and motivation. I would encourage you to ask the doctor to see if a low dosage could possibly help your moms mindset.
My dad was also slightly paranoid about people taking things, and having some problems with dream vs reality and the ability seems to have helped that too.
I get mad at the nursing home at times but I know I would be miserable with my dad here. I feel sorry for him and want to bring him here but I know how he can be and have to keep myself from doing something stupid and saying" okay come live with me" .... I could not even get him to the toilet in the shape he is in now.
I wish there were ways to magically help our elders feel better, but when dementia takes over it's very hard to make any kind of change. Even if she went home, she likely wouldn't remember it as home. Think how terrifying that must be. You are such compassionate people. It's just wonderful to see the support you give each other.
Blessings,
Carol