Hello, All:
I am a Daughter in law that is concerned about being a Long Term Caregiver. My Father in law is 94 and he recently fell on his Kitchen Floor and was Hospitalized for 2 weeks. he had no broken bones . Just Skin Tears on both his Arms and one are had 8 stitches. He finally came home Wed, Aug, 14th and is at home now with his Daughter that is taking care of him Short term. She is only here for 2 more days. She could only stay a week.
Our problem is after she leaves we are going to be the Main Prime Caregivers and I had not had any training for this. I know how to take care of him and all but Long term is a problem because My Husband works nights , 2pm to 10:30pm. I have a job partime. My son too. We need care in between time. My Husband was thinking of taking a "Leave of Abscense" but he has only accumulated 6 months at his job. So that makes My son and I the primary care givers. Even though my Father in law is getting stronger we don't want him to fall again. If anyone out there has any suggestions will be much appreciated.
He did not get to go to a Rehab center because the didn't have beds open so we are doing this ourselves. Thank you for listening.
Valerie W, Jackson,Miss.
Time to have a discussion with dad about long term solutions and reality that with you both working full time; having children to chaffeur to events, etc. it is not practical to be full time caregivers nor do you feel you are skilled in the caregiving needs he will have in the future. Ask if he will at least consider moving to AL where he can have his privacy, remain relatively independent, but will have other advantages of activities, socialization, prepared meals, cleaning, and emergency access should he slip or need help when no one is around (realistically this still happens even in AL, NH or other).
Hopefully he will trust your advice. Good luck and wishes to you for peace of mind.
There will be monetary issues, much of which most people cannot afford. You might prepare yourself to find low-cost elder lawyer (if low cost is necessary). Your local Area Agency on Aging should be able to make referrals. Ultimately, a 94-year-old who cannot afford to pay out-of-pocket for residential care may qualify for Medicaid. There are resident communities which accept Medicare. Emotionally prepare yourself that your FIL may have to "turn his house over" to Medicare. But before accepting that, it would be prudent to consult with an elder law lawyer. I am so sorry you have to deal with not only the financial complications, but mostly the wrenching emotional path of caretaking someone's decline. It can be very rewarding, and it certainly makes us grow. I hope you can reach out to any experts who will help pave the way with more clarity.
Yes, the others in your household would be a help in coping with the extra workload. But will one of them be there at all times? When he's well, how strong is your FIL? Worst case scenario, would he be able to overcome you physically?
This is a perfect opportunity to find a place for him where his physical therapy can be managed and he can stay long-term. Just visiting with him and doing his errands will strain your schedule.
In my mother's case, we didn't have many options. Her financial and mental health limitations (even before the dementia) made my staying with her the only alternative I could live with and I don't regret this decision. However, if you have other choices, grab one and hold on for dear life. Blessings to you and your family in this transition.
Val - if your husband has this capacity to take time off, how about planning for him to take a "little" time off, get pop back at home, have your husband's strength to be able to handle his dad, and evaluate pop's needs as you see him trying to function within his own home. You will SOON know whether you can provide the home care he needs, either physically or financially, OR whether he will need to be placed. With your husbands option of a leave of absence, it gives you a little breathing room that some people don't have when they have to make a more instantaneous decision. I would take a deep breath and use that to your advantage. That little bit of extra time and evaluation will be of great benefit to pop and to you and your family in the long run.
I was not cut out for caregiving. I can take care of my dad, but long term is not what I am cut out to do. My husband is so worried for me. He has made an appointment with a dr. For me. I'm on antidepressant but I may need to change medication. I have migraines a lot lately. And I don't feel like doing anything. I'm completely worn and burned out.
I read what others are going through, and I have not a clue how you do it. So much worse than my situation.
Another issue, my husband resigned our church as education minister, thinking we would find a church soon after. Not realizing that most churches put an age limit on what resumes they look at. My husband just turned 60 and is jumping at the bits to get into a church ministry, it has been a year without a salary. He has been doing ministry in the community, which keeps him busy, but doesn't help pay bills. We have learned to totally rely on God. I believe that is the only way to get through any tough situation in life... Although it is still hard.