In a matter of two months, mom's unable to take herself meals, has to have help using the restroom, dressing, just about everything. She uses a walker to get around but we are so concerned because she has fallen 3 times this month. She has been in assisted living for 1 1/2 years but she needs 24/7 help. Don't know how to break the news to her so she doesn't just fall apart and give up. Any suggestions?
Falls WILL happen no matter where she is.
If the AL has Memory Care that is or would be the next logical move.
Moving her to a caregivers home will NOT improve her. It will confuse her and due to the move, any move she may decline a bit more.
If you do move her to a caregivers home please make sure that it is a safe move for both her and the caregiver.
Wide halls
Wide doorways
A bathroom with a roll in shower. And the bathroom needs to be large enough to accomodate equipment like a Sit to Stand or a Hoyer Lift.
No stairs that she will have to use.
Preferably no carpet or throw rugs.
And before any move...check with her doctor, make sure medically everything is ok, She may have a UTI, she may have had one or more mini strokes. These both could be the cause of the problems you mention.
They are all Understaffed and when you need help, it can take a good 45 min fir someone to show up. Try holding your urine or poop that long once you feel the urge to go.
You end up trying to get up and go by yourself and fall.
There is Abuse in homes both physical and mental.
Pray your l8ved one can still eat by themselves because they'll slowly starve.
Most are over drugged by telling you they want to give the meds because your loved one is anxious or depressed, ect.
They end up more like a zombie.
It also causes them to fall more.
In reality they want to give the meds to keep you quiet and our of it, to make their job easier.
When you go to tour the place they make it seem great, what you see is lovely and they say all the right things.
Don't be taken in, Most Nursing Homes are awful.
It would be much better if she could live with a lived one and have a Live In or Caregiver help.
Is there any way she can stay in Assisted Care and hire someone to pip in an hr or two in the mornings and afternoons?
You could also install Cameras where you can check on her with your Cell Phone or Laptop anytime 24 7.
Prayers
I have never seen what you describe. The law sets how many caregivers to patients ratio and most people that work in them actually care about their patients.
Yes, there are bad apples but, that's what being an advocate is all about. Doing the research and ensuring that the resident is receiving proper care.
You have the luxury of not living with your dad and being his hands on caregiver, he can afford 24/7/365 in home health aides, not all can. That leaves you in a position to NOT know how destroying taking care of a demented loved one can be.
I don't see how it's possible to prevent her from falling apart after a big move. Is the assisted living facility asking her to be moved? If not, she might be better off where she is, because it's familiar.
I did that with my Dad, when he needed to have more care. Dad saw the same Staff faces that he was use to seeing when in Independent Living. The chef was the same and how Dad loved the meals. Yes, the room was smaller in Memory Care but Dad didn't mind as he was able to get all his bookcases and books into the room.
Dad wasn't a social butterfly, but he did like being around people of his own age group. Oh how he enjoyed the days the facility had music playing from his era, he would go to that.
Dad was a fall risk when he lived at his house, and that didn't change when he moved into senior living. Seniors can fall in a blink of an eye no matter where they are, even in a doctor's waiting room.
Now, at the caregiver's home, will there be 3 shifts of caregivers? One person cannot be on duty 168 hours per week. She will burn out very quickly. Then you will be back at square one, and then finding there is a waiting list to get into senior living. Then what?
Do you know if the Caregiver and your Mom would be two peas in a pod, or total opposites when it comes to things in common. Nothing worse then living with someone you cannot talk to.
my two most important pieces of advice, first is always be honest. I never hide anything. It will come back to haunt you. They are tougher than you think. They must have absolute trust in you and know the decisions are for the best. I hide nothing. My mom trusts me to do the right thing.
I research all things and she knows it and trusts me. Earn that trust.
second thing is be there! No matter what. Be there! Listen to your loved one. When you don’t want to deal with it, too bad be there. Even on the phone. I spend an hour or two on the phone.when I can’t be there
does us both good.
good luck to you all. It’s not easy but raising me was not easy either.
you get what you give!
It's like having a conversation with a 3 year old that wants what they want or doesn't and no conversation or research will sway what is stuck in their head. They can't comprehend any other thought process.
Your judgment is very unfair not knowing what others go through with their demented loved one.
May you never have to deal with it.
It's like wearing a pair of shoes that don't fit every day, then suddenly someone gives you a comfortable pair of slippers to wear. It's kind of nice to take the load off.