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Oldest sister has told me he has dementia which was said to her by his primary doctor. Years back when she was in charge of all his needs. Will this be true or is she still wanting to pull the other leg?
There is no way for us to know this; you'd need to check with either your sister if she was being serious, or get in touch with the primary doctor and ask them to confirm the diagnosis.
I suppose a general physician could, if that primary doctor had the necessary experience with dementia but I would expect a Neurologist to be involved in a formal diagnosis. As I understand it there are specific tests that need to be done to determine what type or stage of dementia someone has.
Why do you think your sister is lying to you? Does she have a reputation for doing that?
If you want our help, we need to have more details about what has gone on, (in whole words, please). We don’t need very personal details, but we need more than you've given us. A primary doctor could make a preliminary diagnoses but tests and a definitive diagnoses and treatment plan would probably need to come from a neurologist.
Many elder people have some degree of dementia, and to the best of my knowledge, the "diagnosis" is somewhat subjective. It's not a death sentence, and it does not mean they are incompetent to make decisions. It comes and goes. My sister and I have gone through this and what she meant was "he can't be trusted/believed", and therefore, if he told me something and I acted on it, it was invalid. My advice is to get smart on the facts of dementia, and to try as much as you can to work with your sister.
My mom was never seen by any specialist concerning her dementia but I am 100% certain she has it, sometimes it is obvious and sometimes those closest to someone can see what an intermittent visitor can not.
Maybe it's me, but if he lives with Older sister( and I don't know if he does) she is probably seeing things that point her in that direction. My mom pretty well hid my dad;s condition from us.. yes she made comments,, but laughed them off. We see this all the time on here.. no one believes the caregiver! If you want a definite diagnosis.. you may need a neurologist.. but really.. a lot of know the truth with out that. When my Mom ended up in the ICU and I had to rush home..I knew right away that Dad had a real problem.. the follow up at the Dr just confirmed what we already knew. MAybe your sister is correct.
K older sister was his caregiver but since she was doing some things wrong w their finances n wht not she was cut off by 9 other siblings. So im the caregiver now for some 10 yrs now my father is subborn n thrs nothing wrong w him but old age n shingles tht he got 20 yrs ago r more so thrs no meds. Except for ibu 400mg every now n thn for aches n pains. My mother is 89 n is a diabetic II. n is taking 7 meds for hbp n incontinence SOME 5 YRS AGO they did the POW n a will whr it states they both of my parents will b giving me whtever is owned by thm which is no biggie. So now she says tht i cant hve anything tht was written on the will n the POW BECUZ THEY both were diagnosed with dementia whn she was their caregiver. I never read anything on his drs. Report nor my mothers. But she insists tht they were i knw now tht they r. well my father certainly. N my mother i think in the early stages. Now im confused is it dementia r old age.i take care of both my parents, yes it is a 24/7 job but my other 9 siblings dnt help either didnt ask for this job but since i live right next door i feel n they feel like thts my right. I dnt find it very diffcult to doin all this i think im having a harder time w my siblings thn iam w both my parents yes sometimes my father has his days but im k with tht also me n my husband hve grown very close to both of thm over this past 10 yrs lz some one help with all this
So, to be clear: You have been your parents' caregiver for ten years; your sister was their caregiver before you. Five years ago they made a will making you their only heir. Your sister claims that their primary care doctor told her that they had dementia when they were in her care --- over ten years ago --- so the will is invalid. There is no written diagnosis of dementia in their medical records. Do I have that right? It might be easier to answer you if you could clarify the timeline.
My sister was the caregiver for both my parents for five yrs. During those 5 yrs she says the doctrs told her both of thm had dementia my father being 84 and my mother being 79at tht time.my sister was caught doing some things wrong with their finances while she their caregiver. So my other 8 siblings told her nomore taking of my our parents so since i live right next door we all thght well i should take over their care 5 yrs later they made a will tht says im to b the only heir. Its not much but being the home we all grew up in. I guess they all think its my right too b their caregiver n thm not willing to help at all anyways my. Sister which was their caregiver bac thn is saying tht nothing is mine because they did tht will ohh n POW whn both my parents were diagnosed with dementia whn she was the caregiver butshe nvr told no one they were diagnosed til now tht she knws tht my parents have done a will. I did ask her why she nvever stold anyone of us as to us we never noticed any thing wrong w both my parents until 1yr ago we noticed dementia on my father as for my mother maybe early stages. and i said to her tht who had diagnosed thm both n she said their primary doctor but there is nothing on their records of any specialist diagnosing both of them. Is the will n POW valid or the diagonis frm a doctor k
You say that there's nothing on their records of any specialist diagnosing them with dementia. Is there anything on their records showing that their *primary care doctor* believes one or both of them had dementia? If so, *at what date* did he document that conclusion?
I was told a psychiatrist had to diagnose the patient, and a short admittance was required as well, for an official diagnosis of dementia. I’d think the GP would refer a patient suspected of dementia to a Geri Psych unit.
Maybe each state is different but that’s what we had to do for my mom. She was so good at acting normal she fooled a lot of people. But I thought, she won’t fool a psychiatrist!
I cared for my mom through her Alzheimer's with little help from my siblings. Now that she is gone, we will equally share her estate. I feel that is the way it should be. We each had our joys and challenges in life but we all shared a mother, we will all share her estate. Being thoughtful and caring of all is a good place to be.
Grammyteacher wish all familys were like urs all my family wants is to hurt me r gossip abt me n my 3 adult children.n husband. Really i dnt knw wht it is tht they all want frm me. Idnt have much n wht my parents signed over is not much either they dont even care abt our parents last wishes they are rude n angry for no reason and at me i wish i could figure all this. if someone has an idea plz let me knw try not to stress as i have my parents to stress over with
Realtime, dnt knw exactly the date but it was like 15 or 20 yrs ago ive been caring for parents like 10 -15 yrs now. so whn she was the caregiver itwas way some yrs ago.
As I understand it, you need to know whether your parents were legally competent to make their wills and give you their power of attorney five years ago. Ng, I have been trying to formulate some suggestions for you, and have realized that I really am not knowledgeable enough to do it. I'm sorry to have put you to the trouble of answering my questions.
Having dementia does NOT prevent a person from making or changing a will. What is important is whether the person could understand what he was signing.
So all this discussion of who can make the diagnosis and whether it has to be in the person's medical record, etc. is not relevant.
The lawyer who helped with the will several years ago apparently was satisfied that Dad did understand what he was signing. I think your sister would have a very hard time contesting it.
Thank you, Jeanne, for the comment. That was what I wanted to say, but then I realized that I would just be parroting you, not speaking from my own knowledge.
And anyway, Ng, when your parents' estate is as you say not going to be a big deal, is it really the will that you and your sister are arguing about, or is there some other burr in her bustle?
Thank u all for ur comments n answers. As me n mt sister its sisters n 2 brothers. I guess everyone wants a piece of wht is given to me. Idk but this is all a big conflict and i wish they all could just get along.for my parents sake. they dnt even bother asking how they r.for whn the day comes. I think im the only one thts going to b thr as i have been all these yrs. So sad tht its 11 of us plus their children n grandchildren which is quite a bunch are not going to b a their parent funeral. Cuz by the look of things none of thm seem to care. Ive tried sending messages n emails on parents health r what dr. Saus whn i take thm to c drs. N they dont answer but i get something new r make repairs to our parents house they want to knw how i paid dnt even notice how nice r how much better it looks.i try to make things more comfortable for both parents. All n all im doing a preety damn good job w hubbys help too. They just dnt knw how to appreciate. I guess
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you want our help, we need to have more details about what has gone on, (in whole words, please). We don’t need very personal details, but we need more than you've given us. A primary doctor could make a preliminary diagnoses but tests and a definitive diagnoses and treatment plan would probably need to come from a neurologist.
Maybe each state is different but that’s what we had to do for my mom. She was so good at acting normal she fooled a lot of people. But I thought, she won’t fool a psychiatrist!
So all this discussion of who can make the diagnosis and whether it has to be in the person's medical record, etc. is not relevant.
Here is an article about this by AC's legal expert: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elder-cant-sign-will-trust-power-of-attorney-153521.htm
The lawyer who helped with the will several years ago apparently was satisfied that Dad did understand what he was signing. I think your sister would have a very hard time contesting it.
And anyway, Ng, when your parents' estate is as you say not going to be a big deal, is it really the will that you and your sister are arguing about, or is there some other burr in her bustle?