Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
How do I get past this accusation? I am so upset and angry and yes I know this isn't the real her speaking...She also found out two days ago she has a very bad UTI...which makes her dementia worse.
I can tell you that while my mother was suffering from dementia, she made comments and confessions that still upset me to this day. I never knew what was part of one of her delusions and/or hallucinations and what had a basis in fact. I learned from an off-handed remark she made that after believing for 50 years my grandfather passed from a heart attack that in truth he’d committed suicide. There were so many other things she said that I wonder about to this day.
You don’t really “get past” it. You just put those feelings in a box on a shelf and forget about them for a while. You don’t deny and you don’t argue. You consider the source and the disease. You don’t dwell on it. If you do, you go get help.
That would be difficult to do. Maybe, she will get better when she's treated for the UTI. I'm not sure how I would handle those kinds of delusions in my LO. I don't think that I would be able to provide hands on care for them in the home. There are just some things, I don't think I could handle. Changing depends would be one and the kind of accusation you describe is another. With that kind of thing, I'd likely make other arrangements for my LO's care. I hope you'll get some more responses with suggestions.
For years before we realized that my MIL had dementia, she accused my FIL of having sex with everyone.. the girl at 7-11, my SILs aunt, then my SIL and then Me. When it got to me my hubs blew up.. she would call him to follow FIL around to the car wash, 7-11.. you name it. He refused,, and she laid off for awhile, until the next delusion began. This is not uncommon.. and hopefully the UTI will be the cause.
You learn as you go every day with the person's behavior. At first when my husband would say " are you talking to your lover. When I am on phone, does not matter who it is. It could be his relatives o r my relatives. When go out to grocery store, I am going to see my lover. Then, I realized, is not them, is the desease making them behave that way. since he was diagnosed with Dementia 3 yrs ago. He has become very mistrusting. He is 91 yrs old. But its unreal the things what the say, and do. Nobody trained us what we are going to face every day. Every day and night is up-the hill battle.
How long does this stage last? I easily could have written this post as my mother has accused me of this same thing for the past few years. I am disabled myself and I could take them shopping and to Dr appointments, but mom tried to kill me and has cut me out of the family. Does it ever improve or will I have to bury my parents without ever speaking to them again?
Yes, they get to a stage where they remember who you are kinda. Then they are just glad to see you. I believe it was about stage 6a for mthr and it was helped when she went on anti depressants and benzos for anxiety.
It sounds indeed like the UTI is the problem. The things that come out of the mouth can astound, shock and infuriate. I hope she is better soon, perhaps within hours. Sometimes it's a matter of overnight rest and the meds to fix the UTI.
My mom developed a UTI several times in her 3 years in a SNF, and the worst time came at the first hospitalization for it. When I stepped off the elevator, I heard my gentle darling mother's voice screaming, "Why aren't you helping my mother?" She repeated this when I stepped in and the nurse retreated. Mom's mother died swiftly of a stroke while visiting Mom's home twenty-seven years earlier. She no longer knew that her mother was DOA and the fury turned on me as I soothed with lies: "I've called the police, she's going to a hospital," etc.
There was hatred on her face and in her eyes. "I'LL help her since you won't," she said and strained to get out of bed.
The lies failed, the screaming increased until I finally said, "Mom, your mother is dead." That broke through and then she cried. That was one of the most difficult things I've ever done is to tell her that "news." I spent the night with her and next morning she was lucid. She described how she felt the night before; she told me that I "looked purple", that she knew it was me, and she didn't remember about her mom but did now. We agreed it had been a disturbing experience.
Here's a chance to make lemonade out of the lemon you have been handed - your mom thinks your looks are good enough that if she was in her right mind she would be a bit jealous of you were you not her daughter - try to see if you can take it as a compliment not an accusation as it will make your life easier
A few weeks before she died my mom grabbed my right hand & gummed it [her dentures were out] - so I could have taken that several ways - was she trying to bite me? was she unaware of me at all? was she trying to kiss my hand to say 'thank you' for all I have done for her? .... I took the last one & that made it easier to deal with so that was my lemonade
My friend and her Father went to visit her Mother daily in the Nursing Home. The Mother accused them of having an affair. Of course, they were horrified. Eventually, they figured it out. The Mother thought the daughter was actually the Mother’s sister, who she had been jealous of her entire life. So she thought her Sister was trying to steal her Husband - and they even had the nerve to travel together to come visit her!
Thats how a mind mind works with dementia. So she may think you are someone else entirely. The good (and bad) news is that the dementia will progress and this will be forgotten. Stay strong!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You don’t really “get past” it. You just put those feelings in a box on a shelf and forget about them for a while. You don’t deny and you don’t argue. You consider the source and the disease. You don’t dwell on it. If you do, you go get help.
o r my relatives. When go out to grocery store, I am going to see my lover. Then, I realized, is not them, is the desease making them behave that way. since he was diagnosed with Dementia 3 yrs ago. He has become very mistrusting. He is 91 yrs old. But its unreal the things what the say, and do. Nobody trained us what we are going to face every day. Every day and night is up-the hill battle.
My mom developed a UTI several times in her 3 years in a SNF, and the worst time came at the first hospitalization for it. When I stepped off the elevator, I heard my gentle darling mother's voice screaming, "Why aren't you helping my mother?" She repeated this when I stepped in and the nurse retreated. Mom's mother died swiftly of a stroke while visiting Mom's home twenty-seven years earlier. She no longer knew that her mother was DOA and the fury turned on me as I soothed with lies: "I've called the police, she's going to a hospital," etc.
There was hatred on her face and in her eyes. "I'LL help her since you won't," she said and strained to get out of bed.
The lies failed, the screaming increased until I finally said, "Mom, your mother is dead." That broke through and then she cried. That was one of the most difficult things I've ever done is to tell her that "news." I spent the night with her and next morning she was lucid. She described how she felt the night before; she told me that I "looked purple", that she knew it was me, and she didn't remember about her mom but did now. We agreed it had been a disturbing experience.
A few weeks before she died my mom grabbed my right hand & gummed it [her dentures were out] - so I could have taken that several ways - was she trying to bite me? was she unaware of me at all? was she trying to kiss my hand to say 'thank you' for all I have done for her? .... I took the last one & that made it easier to deal with so that was my lemonade
Thats how a mind mind works with dementia. So she may think you are someone else entirely. The good (and bad) news is that the dementia will progress and this will be forgotten. Stay strong!
See All Answers