He is furious with me and said I treat him like a baby but he is like a 2 year old. So many things are new and I am unable to do anyrhing. I go in the bathroom to check what he has on and sometimes it is even two Depends. He fights me on everything and he is in the 10th year of this. I need advice.
My MIL recently died after an 8 day stay in a lovely ALF. The kids (75, 72 and 68) took care of her in her home and all 3 were burned up, completely. OB was on the verge of having another heart attack, due to the stress.
The day they moved her--the comment going around was this "we should have done this years ago".
At her funeral, people were not congratulating the kids for their sacrifices--they were wondering why it took so long for them to wake up and smell the coffee.
Things can get so bad, so fast. One day it seems not so hard--then suddenly once day, you're finding wet depends hidden in closets, hearing aids that get lost the day you buy new ones, fall pendants being thrown out...everyday is a new slice of Hades.
Only you can decide how you're going to handle this. As an outsider in my MIL's care--yes, the kids should have placed her 3-4 years ago. But it is what it is.
I hope you do make the decision to place your DH and be his wife, and not continue forever as his CG.
Please seek help from an agency or consider placing your husband in a facility and choose to oversee his care.
I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this difficult situation.
You cannot change his behavior. You can change your behavior and allow others to assist you in caring for him.
You will not be of any help to your husband if you are continually stressed out and exhausted. When we become exasperated with a situation we usually can’t be as objective as we should be.
I am not judging you. I am stating how these things will affect you and anyone else who is in this type of situation. No one can handle everything on their own without putting themselves in danger of being emotionally and physically drained.
Have you contacted Council on Aging in your area to get a needs assessment for your husband? They can help you figure out what needs to be done to ensure proper care for your husband.
Wishing you peace as you navigate through this difficult caregiving process.
You are very understanding and kind which is greatly appreciated. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. My husband was diagnosed at 65, 10 years ago. It's a long and challenging road to say the least. Be well.
This must be so frustrating for you! However, in a care facility, they've seen it all and are prepared for it. They know what to do.
Please take care of both of you by finding him a good memory care facility. That's really the only solution with a problem of this magnitude.
https://www.silverts.com/all-adaptive/pants/alzheimer-s-jumpsuits
It's called adaptive clothing. They can't take it off or access their undies on their own.
You now have to "baby-proof" the house. Maybe lock rooms that you don't want him accessing. Remove anything that he can get into and misuse.
Then, give yourself a break. Make sure to do ample self-care. Consider hirings in-home companion help to keep him busy. Ten years is a long time. My Aunt had dementia for 12 years until she fell and broke her hip at 100.
Check around for the cost of having Memory Care, or at home help. If it is within your budget, please do that. Otherwise the sheer physical and emotional exhaustion can hurt your health. Time to be your husband's "wife" instead of his "caregiver".
If this isn't within your budget, call your State Medicaid office to see what is available. Be it Aids coming to the house a few hours per week or placing your husband in a facility that has 3-shifts of caregivers helping him.
Life is short and you count too. Please don't forget that. If you keel over from stress and disease, hubby goes into managed care ANYWAY.
Sounds like you need a break and he does too. You have somehow turned into the fun police.
You both need help. Lots of different types available.
There is hiring help to come into your home. There is respite where you take a few days off. There are care homes, memory care or skilled nursing. There is adult day care.
There is the situation where the caregiver winds up in the hospital because they didn’t choose one of the above. But that’s a little extreme. I hope you don’t choose that one.
How about calling the Area Agency on Aging and ask them to come do a needs analysis and to help you figure out next steps? Or ask his doctor to order home health and let their nurse evaluate your situation.
How is your heart condition?
I’m wishing you some peaceful days. Talk to us. Tell us what your plans are. We want to help.
I love him and want to care for him but sometimes it is too much.