Last year my mom had an amputation due to complications from diabetes. My husband and I moved her in with us (we have no children). Our place is not the best situation, but we are working on buying a house that will be comfortable for all 3 of us.
What my problem is, is that my mother has given up on life. She is Diabetic, has chronic kidney disease and is hypertensive and her health is deteriorating because she is not taking care of herself. She has the ability to take care of herself, she just doesn't do it.
She sleeps 14 to 16 hours a day. She eats once a day and that is when we cook dinner and serve her. She stays in bed all day. When she's awake, she watches tv in bed. She uses a urinal and when it gets full she will get up to use the bathroom and dump it (which is only once a day). She's not drinking much so she is going into kidney failure.
When I try to talk to her about it, she tells me she doesn't care.
I got a call today from her kidney doctor and her kidney function is at 13%, among other things. I talked to her about it and she shrugged her shoulders and didn't say a thing to me.
I am essentially watching my mother die and she doesn't care.
I don't have the money to pay for care. I guess I just need to know what my options are and the best way to handle the situation.
Have you thought that perhaps she is exhausted with all of this, hopeless, and wanting peace now. Perhaps she is ready to "go" ?
Diabetes effects all systems, taking them down one after another, and you may be correct that your mother doesn't wish to cope with it anymore. At some point it becomes "What am I living for? One more Season of Better Call Saul? One more book? One more blossoming of the peach tree?" Some people do get tired. They do actually wish to go to peace and rest. I think the key here is to speak with Mom, ask if she thinks she should discuss depression with her doctor. Let her talk. If she doesn't want heroic measures to live then it is time to get the Health Care Directive done so that no one attempt to do dialysis on her if she doesn't want it. It is exhausting, grueling, endless, and everything is about it. I would never have it; I say that as an RN who already has that written on MY directive.
You are there now to love her the time she has left and to honor and support her in her decisions. Let her say her piece. Let her have the right to decide if this is just too hard for her. Support her choices, because eventually EVERY SINGLE CHOICE we have gets made for us, not by us.
Your Mom has diabetes and her kidneys are in fact failing. There is little you can do about that through forcing fluids, diets, etc. You can see to it she eats so well as she is able; but you need not to force her to do things for one more miserable day of life so you don't "lose her". You may have this correct. She may not care to go on. Ask her if she will discuss with you and her doctor so that she might consider trying an anti depressant, something to help, or that MAY help. But don't rob her of what she feels in her own soul for and about her own life.
I'm really sorry you have to endure such a thing, it's awful. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
I would put off buying that house.
I like the approach, do this for me to help you. I would get my ducks in a row. If she has any assets, a Will would be good. I would ask to be assigned POA, financial and medical, if u aren't already. Will make things so much easier for you. Her POA medical could read like a living will. Then she needs a DNR. You can download one for your state. A Drs signature is needed. You make sure her doctors have a copy, there is one for the EMTs and you have a copy for the nurses desk where she is. Don't expect anything sent with EMTs to make it passed the ER.