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Well as you all may know, due to the pandemic and still on unemployment, I'm still here now living with my mom now. I can tell her memory issues keep getting worse. She can't remember something I just said to her and she has to ask me again and that has been making me very upset and that kind of character towards her has not only been keeping me from getting sleep but worsening my acid reflux as well. I keep telling her that if she keeps breaking condo(association) rules by giving stray cats food, that I will place her in a retirement home before I'm fined by the condo board(property is in my name) for her breaking rules here. And she already has 3 frisking cats that she cares for and she wants to give stray cats food??I tell her not to do it anymore and the next day she forgets. I dont want her to be forgetting about her cooking something downstairs (bedrooms are upstairs of her condo) and if she is upstairs she might forget and something might happen. The state of Texas has limited assistance for her because of the covid issue and the cleaning lady that they had for her left. So I'm doing all the cleaning and some cooking. I know...you guys told me that she needs to be in a care facility. When I tell her of my placing her in a caring facility she begins to cry so I give her another chance for her not to be breaking condo rules here...but she does it again.yes she was diagnosed with alzheimers in 2017. Was reading what these alternative medicine people say-that some neurologists get these diagnoses wrong at times. She isn't real bad..but I can see the advance in her short term memory loss; Can't retain anything. This scares me-that soon I'll be needing to really place her in a caring facility with limited funds and the I would and now am totally responsible for the little property she has, well its all in my name now. Just nervous about making the transition in placing my mom in a facility and all. I need some guidance and I'm reaching out to some places. But this is tough for me to ultimately make that transition for my mom. I'm her only son and that makes it very difficult when family is far away. Any suggestions would be appreciated as I'm very nervous and hope this doesn't give me an ulcer due to the intense stress that all this is placing on me emotionally. Thanks. Plus I need to get rid of these cats eventually. There is one that has grown or gotten real fat and is violent when I try to handle this cat.This cat has not had any vaccines in years so I dont want to be bitten. Any suggestions?

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VC, look up the Area Agency on Aging for mom's county. Ask them about a "needs assessment"; this will tell you what level of care she needs.

Does mom have a caseworker through the State? That person can help you with placement as well.

I wouldn"t discuss these pending changes with mom. Just get it all set up and the move her. She will be safe and happy.
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Watching the decline and feeling helpless is a very stressful spot to be in. You now have to adjust your expectations and just assume she won't remember things you ask of her or behaviors to change...she is no longer able to do it. I know this is not easy -- you look at her and see her as her prior self but that person is disappearing and you can't interact with her as if she's still that person but we're so used to doing it, like a knee-jerk reaction. It's you who has to change, not her.

You are now a preemptive problem solver. You will need to figure out how to block her ability to feed the strays (is there an Animal Control unit that can be called to come trap and relocate them? Can you re-home any of the indoor cats slowly one at a time?)

Re: the alternative medicine people are not practicing medicine. Do not go by anything they have to say or treat her with any of their unproven remedies. Real doctors and prescription medicines have had to prove their skills, knowledge and efficacy.

Please get ahead of your acid reflux and take care of your own self first. You can't help your mom if you yourself are not well. You are doing a difficult thing. May you gain much wisdom and peace as you journey through this time.
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KimberlyB480 Dec 2020
Perfect answer. Also, having my mother at home, who also has Alz, has taught me a lot about patience and not sweating small things. The cats are annoying, but they are no reason to threaten mom with throwing her out. Being put in a home shouldn't be some kind of punishment, it should be used when the parent needs greater level of care. If she probably recognizes her decline as well and it isn't easy for her to go thru this either. One day that may be you in her position, son - how would you want to be treated?
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