Follow
Share

I’m my 90-year-old mother’s caregiver with my sister giving me needed breaks. She’s in moderate late stage dementia. She has a few nieces (my older cousins) who have been asking to visit. Never before have they visited her and now have a sudden interest in coming to see her. A few months back one came by and it was an all morning visit that I put an end to as politely as I could. I discussed with my sister that it was too much for my mom and she agreed (as we usually do). It threw my mom off.



Another cousin started calling me. She’s 76 and her 99 year old mom just passed from Alzheimer’s. I thought she was calling me to give me support but she promptly started playing telephone calling everyone and gossiping. I told my sister I was just going to block their calls as it is just added issues, drama and complications I do not need. BTW, I’ve never been close with any of these cousins. They are several years older than me. How would you deal with this?

Either come up with excuses that mom is ill and not taking visitors until she's feeling better, or tell the nieces they can come by for a 1 hour visit, individually, that visits of more than an hour set mom back. They should understand that, and if not, too bad.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

As Lealonnie said, make excuses.
Tell them to send flowers, a nice card, or make a video phone call. In person visits are not happening. Do they think they are staying at your house?!?

Once the gossip starts, block them all. They are proving their negative intentions and stupid drama that you don't need.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Dawn88
Report

How about FaceTiming Periodically . Like once a Month . I Hate when People you dont Know gossip .
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to KNance72
Report

Probably looking to try and get something from mom. If you have never really had a relationship with them, then there's no reason to start now.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to sp196902
Report

I agree with setting boundaries on their visits.

Even though you've never been close to those cousins, was your Mom close to them? Even though the visit impacts you, the visits are for Mom, right? I'm only bringing this up because if at all possible if your Mom has good history with these cousins, I'd try to have them visit while your Mom is still here. Personally I struggle with whether visits like this benefit someone with advanced dementia... sometimes I think it benefits the visitors more, for a variety of reasons.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
funkygrandma59 Jun 29, 2024
I agree Geaton. If mom was close with these nieces at some point then it would be nice to set up times that work best for you and your mom and keep the visits no longer than an hour explaining to them that that is all that your mom can handle right now.
Otherwise perhaps you can do a Zoom call with some of them and your mom. I can only guess that they would like to see her once last time before she dies.
The nice thing is that you get to set the ground rules for these visits, so don't be afraid do just that.
(0)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter