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vstefans made some very good points. If you are not around a lot, not involved in the parent's finances, not involved in the caregiving, etc., keep in mind that you may have been specifically excluded by the parent rather than the sibling. False accusations can be extremely detrimental and damaging. If you suspect foul play, get your facts clear before making accusations or going to to the authorities.
once the person has passed on and the money is gone, probably not much- APS is not longer a possibility. Her POA ended at death, so you are now the one entitled to information about the current status of things, and if there is enough to go on, you could make a police report and/or confer with a lawyer. Sorry you are in this spot!
It seems to be a recurring theme that people are afraid to stand up against family members who are, or at least may be, robbing them blind. You don't want to believe it, you don't want to "tear the family apart", but if criminal acts have been committed then it is already torn apart. There is a need to be objective and be reasonably sure of what is going on before making the call to police, APS, or both, but blustering tempers and accusations folllowed by withdrawal of contact and information could be a strong sign that there is something bad being covered up. Or, that same behavior could be a response to unfounded accusations that are perceived as deliberately hurtful.
I'm not saying this is easy, and I found it painful to consider that possibility in relatively minor thefts in my own family. I got the evidence I could and put a stop to what I could, and relationships were kept more or less intact. But a great deal more than petty cash or gas card abuse is at stake here. It hurts, but it's going to hurt more later on if you turn a blind eye when you have a choice to take action.
Yes helpless, you need to see an elder care attorney ASAP. Your issues are far too complex for advice from us on this forum. You need professional help. Good luck!
Helpless, Does this brother have a POA on file with your parents as donors? If not, seek a POA for yourself.....with their permission...signatures required of course. Did I read you correctly when you said that your parents own two homes valued at $1,000,000. each? Do your parents each have a will?... There's a lot at sake here. Seek legal representation, not just advice. You're going to need it.
i have an unemployed brother who never held a job more than 2 or 3 years at a time. He is 59 years old and never left home. When my parents reached retirement age I arranged them to get Oxford Insurance and we were very satisfied with that insurance for the last 15 years. Last year without consulting me my brother switched insurance basic Medicare and Blue Cross and Blue Shield. It just pays for basic care. My mother just be diagnosis with Multile Myeloma. My brother refuses to allow me to look at their fiancances. He is making all the improper choices. The family has caught him lying to us about doctors, health care, and nursing and rehab. He also has isolated my father from speaking to my aunts, and my children. When he does speak to us it is a recording of my brother's lies. My father is 91 years old and is unable to care for himself. My mother and father look and dress as if they were homeless yet they own two houses over a million dollars each. Is there anything we can do to check to see what my brother is doing. No one trust him and everyone in the family is suspicious. My aunts tell me to let it go. I am afraid of his medical and fiancial desicions and I don't believe he is acting in the best interest of my parents. What are my options to get power of attorney and guardianship?
Nannaspoon: What Federal ( National ) Bank would allow the opening of a Checking Account without proper papers of identification and representation of all parties on the account? No Notary Public would "seal" the opening of the account without corresponding docs AND " hereby stands before me" signed into the opening.
Our younger sister convinced our Mom to give her POA and healthcare POA even though she(our sister) declared bankruptcy and has gotten money from Mom several times, one time $10000, no NOT loans. In the draft for the legal papers, Mom WAIVED her rights for the POA to have to submit reports legally nor to anyone. THIS CLAUSE SHOULD BE OUTLAWED because it is the 'trusting' parent who would NEVER believe their loving child would take advantage of them that enables elder fraud of a parent.
So legally my older sister and I are at the mercy of our sister in regards to information, and can only pray she doesn't start transferring funds to her own personal accounts.
She used to send us copies of the bank statements until we had a disagreement and she cut off communication with us. We told her we didn't trust her after she accused US of wanting to 'help Mom' for the 'money'. Sounds like truth was too close to a nerve.
not sure what we can do.... Mom totally believes whatever our younger sister tells her.
What can you do if your sister open a checking account naming herself as co owner of said account making it legal to take money from this bank account, put it in a cd with her being co owner of the account. My mother has dementia and she now deny that the account belong to my mother that it is her account that she named my mother on the account but I found where $3,000. was taken out of my mother's account and put in the cd account. I don't want to tear this family apart and cause my mother or myself any more hardship as I am her caregiver and get hardly any support from my siblings, my hands are full. but my mom is on a fixed income and I know she will need what she has as time goes on. I was living in Georgia and had to quit my job and move to Alabama to take care of my mom. Alabama offers no financial assistance for family caregivers and what little income goes toward trying to keep my home in Georgia from going into foreclosure and squeeze in a few toiletries for myself. Taking care of my mother is a full time job and it is even more difficult with greedy siblings throwing in the mix.
You could place a point and shoot camera on a shelf and just have it running...eventually you might catch something. Get one that will run for the entire length of the card/battery. YOu might leave out brochure about protecting against Financial Elder Abuse...subtle hint that you are watching.
Does anyone in your family have a Power Of Attorney? That's important. If one of your sisters does, she may just be paying things for your mother, though there should be accountablity.
If you really suspect stealing, you could first ask if there can be a family accounting "for everyone's protection, as Medicaid will want that should she need to go on Medicaid" (true).
If you want to challenge it further, you'll likely need an elder law attorney. Good luck. This is very difficult for you and, if it's not the case, then difficult to "fix" broken relationships. So, try to figure out if your suspicions are really valid before you move forward. Carol
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm not saying this is easy, and I found it painful to consider that possibility in relatively minor thefts in my own family. I got the evidence I could and put a stop to what I could, and relationships were kept more or less intact. But a great deal more than petty cash or gas card abuse is at stake here. It hurts, but it's going to hurt more later on if you turn a blind eye when you have a choice to take action.
Did I read you correctly when you said that your parents own two homes valued at $1,000,000. each? Do your parents each have a will?... There's a lot at sake here. Seek legal representation, not just advice. You're going to need it.
My mother just be diagnosis with Multile Myeloma. My brother refuses to allow me to look at their fiancances. He is making all the improper choices. The family has caught him lying to us about doctors, health care, and nursing and rehab. He also has isolated my father from speaking to my aunts, and my children. When he does speak to us it is a recording of my brother's lies. My father is 91 years old and is unable to care for himself. My mother and father look and dress as if they were homeless yet they own two houses over a million dollars each.
Is there anything we can do to check to see what my brother is doing. No one trust him and everyone in the family is suspicious. My aunts tell me to let it go. I am afraid of his medical and fiancial desicions and I don't believe he is acting in the best interest of my parents. What are my options to get power of attorney and guardianship?
So legally my older sister and I are at the mercy of our sister in regards to information, and can only pray she doesn't start transferring funds to her own personal accounts.
She used to send us copies of the bank statements until we had a disagreement and she cut off communication with us. We told her we didn't trust her after she accused US of wanting to 'help Mom' for the 'money'. Sounds like truth was too close to a nerve.
not sure what we can do.... Mom totally believes whatever our younger sister tells her.
If you really suspect stealing, you could first ask if there can be a family accounting "for everyone's protection, as Medicaid will want that should she need to go on Medicaid" (true).
If you want to challenge it further, you'll likely need an elder law attorney.
Good luck. This is very difficult for you and, if it's not the case, then difficult to "fix" broken relationships. So, try to figure out if your suspicions are really valid before you move forward.
Carol