They are in the 70s and my grandmother just moved into a nursing home. I have suggested that they all move closer to me but they refuse to sell their home. My mother's solution is to have my Dad stay with me so she can keep his income to support the mortgage of their house. I find this ridiculous. I really am at a loss on what to do.
When Dad calls to complain about Mom you say..."I am not having this conversation with you and if it continues I will hang up" Then follow through.
You are not responsible for helping them work out "problems" real or perceived.
If they are both safe physically and emotionally from each other then just let them bicker on. This is how some people communicate and oddly they don't know how to do it any other way.
i told them both they need to work it out.
PS. Dueling pistols are deliberately manufactured to be grossly inaccurate... after all the goal is to satisfy honor not kill someone. But, if you ever find yourself as second...RUN...you are in more danger than the intended target.
DH is very, very depressed and doesn't like to talk or socialize or do ANYTHING but sleep. I am so very, very, very tired of it, but I try not to say anything to my kids.
Divorce has sat on the table, just sitting there staring at both of us. I know it will totally screw up our retirement plans, we'll both be 'scratching by' instead of living well if we divorce. He honestly doesn't care about anything, so divorcing him b/c he's depressed seems awfully mean, but he can be so mean to me and I am struggling to overcome a year of cancer and chemotherapy. He was not there for me, not one iota and I can't get over this huge hurt.
But--my kids are wise and do not allow me to wallow in self pity.
Truly, not many people married 44 years are super happy and always content. I am hoping that after DH's mother passes away he can get some help for his anger and depression. He knows he needs help---but won't get it. Talking to your kids is pointless. And thoughtless.
I would tell your mother you will absolutely NOT take your father in so she can keep his income to pay for the mortgage..........I agree that such an idea is ridiculous. She either agrees to work things out or she should file for divorce.
Best of luck!
Instead of all you thinking my DH is a jerk--I need to qualify something: his parents had probably the worst marriage in history. I never saw or heard them say or do a kind thing for/to each other in the 42 years they were married. In fact, on our first date, DH told me how miserable his parents were and that he would never marry. (So I asked him why he was dropping money on a movie with me!)
They truly has problems that only divorce could 'mend'. But it didn't. Dad left, she 'let' him have an old recliner, a card table and 2 (not all 4) of the folding chairs, his clothes and one small TV. The rest she had Goodwill come and get before he had a chance to get anything else.
Dad never said ONE WORD against MIL. She on, the other hand, is still alive and kicking at 90 and will talk about him incessantly. In fact, he and his shortcomings as a human is all she really does talk about. He's been gone 16 years and they were divorced 14 years prior to his death. Wouldn't you think 30 years of 'aloneness' would have calmed her some? Nope--she's still absolutely as mad at him as she ever was.
So DH GREW UP seeing a non-functioning, hateful marriage. He has protected himself by distancing himself from me, so he can't get hurt.
Funny thing, he'll tell basically strangers how much he loves me, and how stressed out and worried he was during my chemo last year. Never said a word to me. I heard this from a woman he works with.
It is going to take his mother's death and some serious soul searching to get him to trust me. I've stayed with him through goodness knows what, and I don't WANT to leave him.
He left on a n 8 day business trip this am. Know how I know he felt awful about what a jerk he's been the last few weeks? He made his own bed.
And again--it is NOT my kids' business as to what goes on in my marriage, short of abuse. We don't even squabble. We just are 2 entirely different people with NOTHING in common who got married. We're not that unusual.
Plus which, I am super, super awesome and forgive him daily. :)
You totally are super super awesome:)
Hope you are feeling somewhat better and getting your strength back little-by-little each day!😊
Hugs!!
Now, I find that I have no tolerance for it--at all!
I don't think counseling is going to be the answer. Don't get me wrong I am for therapy, but they are up there in age and in truth, probably addicted to it. I think your best bet is for them to find hobbies that each of them can do without the other.
Isthisrealyreal is right. To much of a good thing isn't a good thing anymore. We all need time to ourselves!
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