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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You can say yes or no. If the caregiving is a break for you, you may still want it. You may want to tell them as your wife gets older, she can get disoriented.
Does she enjoy the visits? Is she ready to leave not long after you get there? People who suffer from a Dementia are usually more comfortable in their own "comfort zone". Leaving it is just confusing.
If the answer is yes to my questions, tell the daughter and sister you will no longer be driving wife to them. That she is better in her own surroundings. If they want to visit, feel free to come anytime.
Thank you, yes home is her comfort zone. Daughter is 1 1/2 hr away, sis is 3 1/4 hrs. away. Very comfortable and workable solution that eases that accomodating trait I deal with. Thanx JoAnn for suggestion
Does your daughter have young children whose routines would be uprooted by going to your house? If there are children, is your house welcoming for them? If there are no school aged children or younger children to worry about is your daughter working? Can she easily get time off work?
My former mil expected me to travel by car, ferry and bus with 2, then 3 young children to go visit her. She lived in a not child friendly condo. There was not playground nearby and no other place for kids to play. She could easily have gotten a ride from family to the ferry and we could have picked her up on the other side, but she refused, then complained that we did not visit. When my younger two were teens I worked 6 days a week. My one day off was very precious to me.
Your wife's sister lives 3.5 hours away. Is she still working, does she have a spouse or grandchildren she is providing care to? Does she still feel comfortable making a 1/2 day drive?
You are well within your rights to not be prepared to drive your wife to visit her daughter or sister, but it is unreasonable for you to expect them to make the drive to you.
If either of them are willing to provide you with respite, it will be on their terms, even if that means it is in their home, not yours. If that does not work for you, then you have to look at other options.
Have you checked into a weekly caregiver or housekeeper to help you handle the situation?
I would find other caregivers that will come to her and avoid you having to make an extra trip to get help. The stress isn't worth the money saved.
If they ask you to bring her for a visit, politely tell them that traveling is just to hard on her and you would appreciate them coming to her. You will have a paid caregiver so you won't be asking them for help, so no need to travel to them for that.
Call your local Alzheimer's association and the council on aging to find any inexpensive help available to her and you. She may even qualify for 2x monthly aides for 4 hours each day. It is not much, but it will help you get a break and they can usually bathe the patient.
Best of luck finding respite for you that doesn't involve long road trips.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"Sorry, no".
If the answer is yes to my questions, tell the daughter and sister you will no longer be driving wife to them. That she is better in her own surroundings. If they want to visit, feel free to come anytime.
Does your daughter have young children whose routines would be uprooted by going to your house? If there are children, is your house welcoming for them? If there are no school aged children or younger children to worry about is your daughter working? Can she easily get time off work?
My former mil expected me to travel by car, ferry and bus with 2, then 3 young children to go visit her. She lived in a not child friendly condo. There was not playground nearby and no other place for kids to play. She could easily have gotten a ride from family to the ferry and we could have picked her up on the other side, but she refused, then complained that we did not visit. When my younger two were teens I worked 6 days a week. My one day off was very precious to me.
Your wife's sister lives 3.5 hours away. Is she still working, does she have a spouse or grandchildren she is providing care to? Does she still feel comfortable making a 1/2 day drive?
You are well within your rights to not be prepared to drive your wife to visit her daughter or sister, but it is unreasonable for you to expect them to make the drive to you.
If either of them are willing to provide you with respite, it will be on their terms, even if that means it is in their home, not yours. If that does not work for you, then you have to look at other options.
I would find other caregivers that will come to her and avoid you having to make an extra trip to get help. The stress isn't worth the money saved.
If they ask you to bring her for a visit, politely tell them that traveling is just to hard on her and you would appreciate them coming to her. You will have a paid caregiver so you won't be asking them for help, so no need to travel to them for that.
Call your local Alzheimer's association and the council on aging to find any inexpensive help available to her and you. She may even qualify for 2x monthly aides for 4 hours each day. It is not much, but it will help you get a break and they can usually bathe the patient.
Best of luck finding respite for you that doesn't involve long road trips.