I am so very tired, sad, exhausted, mentally and physically. I do not know how much longer I can deal with taking care of my MIL...I am the only one who is a stay at home person...Not that I wanted this....She had Dementia and it just keeps getting worse and she wants to depend on me more and more and more. I have help coming in next week for a couple of hours to help her try to get more strength and active...It is not soon enough for me. My husband helps, but it just is not enough because he works all day...He does take over as much as he can when he gets home...But it is just not enough...I want to run away from all of it!!!
Does anyone else feel like running away from it all !!! It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I feel EXHAUSTED all the time. And yes he has two brothers who keep her a few hours on weekends, but I need more relief than that, but when they pick her up...All I want to do is sit in peace and quiet because I do not get that...so I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I love her...But this is so hard....I want to run away....Is this a normal feeling for caregivers?
I am tired of giving up my life. I keep at it so my grandmother can die with dignity at home, but we're starting year 3 and I'm starting to think that this 89 year-old shadow of her former self will live to be 114.
I totally understand the desperation. I also understand the guilt.
For me to be free, grandma must go to greater glory or she must go to a nursing home. She is happier here in her own home. I still pray for release.
I can only imagine trying to do this for a MIL. I didn't even like my MIL. I couldn't have signed up to full time care for her. I know my limits, and honestly my own grandmother who I love with all my heart is pushing the limit.
Hugs to you. You are very normal.
Does your husband have siblings? If so, you need to call a family meeting and let them know that it is their turn to step up. It is important that your hub back you 100%.
If that is not possible, start looking into assisted living centers and nursing homes. The reason you may be feeling overwhelmed is that your MIL is declining and you do not have the training to keep up with her needs. Added to that, you are alone with her most of the day and completely isolated.
As much as you love your MIL, you should not be the primary person responsible for her care. You were just the one it got handed to. Me thinks that if your hub had to do this all day, he would be looking for other housing placements.
Caregivers have to stop suffering in silence. NO ONE will take care of your mental and physical well-being but you.
It is okay to come here to vent...we all do it. However, do one thing, starting today, that will help change your situation for the better. Start by talking to the hub and letting him know that you are no longer willing to take on this responsibility and then stick to it.
good luck...let us know how you are progressing.
You are venting and perhaps you don't want/need advice. But I can't resist suggesting a temporary change. If you had respite for more than a few hours at a time, maybe that would help you sort out what is fatigue and what is in need of more permanent change. MIL should go stay with one or both of her other sons for a couple of weeks. Or to a care facility that offers that option. Maybe you'll feel refreshed and ready to tackle her care again, with more built-in respite time. Or maybe this will start you down the path of relinquishing the 24/7 care responsibilities. And it should certainly put the rest of the family better background for discussions about future decisions.
Hang in there!
kathleen, I only got 8 hours a week off, felt guilty for complaining as many get NO time off. But I was too tired to do anything, and certainly didn't want someone talking to me.. No, the talking would have been fine, it was the questions that drove me crazy.. Ruth could not remember where she slept every night, but could remember how to unlock the door to get out!!! I miss my lady Ruth terribly, but do remember the hours of non stop questions, over and over... Sometimes I would just set and cry because of the mental exhaustion Welcome to the thread, hope you return and share. Those here do understand.. hugs to you
She may actually enjoy getting out to socialize and be with someone other than you for a few hours. Mom is pretty advanced in her dementia, but goes to adult daycare 3 days a week for 6 hours each day. I also have a full time helper during the day for the past year. The 2 years prior, I was on my own and ready to do something desperate! Everyone needs time to themselves for their own sanity.
Hope this helps!
I know saying "don't feel guilty" doesn't make those feelings go away. but at one time or other, sometimes all day long, we have all felt the same way...They are just feelings, and this or other threads is the place to put how you feel.
Even if we have had others tell us how hard this can be, we don't realize it until we are there doing what needs to be done.. Please don't feel bad, you are not alone, and we do understand. Hope you keep posting,, hugs to you.
normal. My husband and sis-in-law know just how much I can take B4 I loose it. Then they will step in for a day or 2 - then back to all me. I have MIL going to day-care 3days a week (was 4) but that is when I'm at work. I have hired helper come on the 2 days she stays home - so I get ALL eveings and weekends - after working full time at my job. I have told my SIL - I would like her to put her mother to bed - at least 1 night a week. She saids it's too hard for her during the work week so, she will give me a Fri or a Sat. nite but I have to ask permission!! She will not volunteer to come and sit w/her own mother!!! Will not take her to her house for a few house, etc. If I complain to my Husband about his sister he gets Mad at me and said it's hard on her cuz my MIL is mean to her and she lost their father when she was only 12 - SHE's 50!!! Why do I have to pay for that???? YES! you are normal! Just want to walk away - alot - many times. MIL deserves so much more fr her kids. She is a lovely woman- so strong. I can't give up on her. Please Hang in there- I will, too!!!! Talking - ventiating - does help!!
pack up, leave and never come back but that is my mom she took very good care of me, my sisters and brother so i must do the same for her. . Big Hugs to one caregiver to another