The nursing home is holding my Mother "hostage" with a POA that was forged. Any help?

I agree with Maggie. Love and support her where she is.

Wow.. so to summarize your mom is 88 with mild dementia, in a wheel chair that requires large men to lift her on to the toilet, with arthritis... and you are fighting to get her out of the nursing home? Do you really know what you would be in for if you brought her home? Sounds like she would require 24/7 care.

I am amazed that you don't want her to stay in the nursing home. Where have you been these last years when mom was apparently living in a home dilapidated enough to be condemned by the city?

Make peace with your sister. Stop the drama. As long as your mom's POA has been deemed valid in a court of law, you are not going to be able to effect change. Further, to say you KNOW it's not valid because her signature doesn't match her signature on your birth certificate -- after you tell us yourself she had a debilitating stroke -- is ludicrous.

Visit your mom at the nursing home. Nurture her presence there so she can bloom and grow within that atmosphere. Let her see all kinds of smiling young faces around her every day. Get three nutritious meals a day...sometimes an ice cream snack come afternoon. Attend entertainment programs...socialize as much or as little as she'd like with her peers...be helped by people who are well rested, young and strong.

Find your bliss by being the salt-and-pepper in mom's life instead of the main course. Stop fighting. Accept the findings and limits of this meeting and wake up every morning thinking about how you can make your mom's live just a little sweeter.

Bring her flowers. An occasional pretty all wrapped up with a lively bow. A plant for her room. A pretty nightlight. Some beautiful lotions and soaps. Attend some of the special programs at the nursing home with her. Bring five milk shakes one day and pass them around. Be kind and appreciative of the nursing staff...ALL the staff.

In short, love your mom by helping her fit in. She's safe there. Now love her, not by fighting tooth and nail with everybody in the place, but by helping her adjust.

As noted above, if your mom is competent, she can simply change POA over to you.

In your shoes, I think I'd be bringing mom stuff she likes to eat, and ice cream, for a treat, so that she keeps her weight up.

Good luck with the nh meeting.

This NH has no protocol for home visits.

Continued...After the prankster nurse lied and said my mother needed medicine by cell phone as the CNAs were preparing to put my mother in the car and she had actually called my sister to upset her about her POA and my sister faxed her the (prankster nurse who prepared my mother to go home and I had signed my mother out with a pass and sign out book) Judge's decision to honorthe POA that caused a dismissal and discharge of my guardianship petition. I told the nurse and administration that my sister did not have guardianship, only POA for medical and finance, and she does not have the right to take away my mother's civil liberties to come and go as she pleases. I insisted that my mother be allowed to go on the ride or I would call the authorities to settle her being kept against her will. The administration insisted that my sister had the right to stop her from going with me with a POA. My sister said she didn't know that I was just taking her for a ride as the troublemaking prankster nurse did not tell her even though that's how I had signed her out. My sister was afraid I was taking my mother home to stay since I seeked guardianship in court the day before. Much earlier the SW told me that he wanted my sister to agree when I took her but he was absent Friday and Saturday and I couldn't tell him about the Head Nurse giving me approval Friday evening. Friday, after court my sister accused me of coaching my mother to go with me while I put my mother on the phone to ask her after my Mom asked me. My mother and I were praying for her to come home with me since Tuesday when the court appointed guardian lied and said that my Mom would be released to me Monday. My Mom has not been informed of her civil rights and liberties to come and go as she pleases. So, I asked the head nurse on duty that evening and she said my sister didn't have a POA in the system and I had just as much right to take my mother on a visit as she did. Now, the NH will not even allow my sister to approve me taking my mother out just because I disagreed with the decision that violated my mother's rights as my sister has no guardianship. NH said they are scheduling an administrative meeting according to my sister and NH will not allow her to approve me taking my mother out because I told them I would call the authorities to settle the matter. My sister said they called the authorities on me because I said I was going to call the authorities on them. Now, I am able to visit my Mom, but I am not allow to take her out and NH is holding her against her will.

If your mom can't get to the bathroom herself then she can't be left alone all day while you work.

I am one year younger than my sister and I have raised a 26 year old son, but my sister as no confidence in my ability to care for my mother. My mother is so unhappy and living like a invalid while she is only wheel chair bound. I am willing to provide (Mom's social security benefits and Medicaid) home care services for my Mom while I work, and take care of her in the evenings and weekends as she doesn't require much care while content looking at TV, eating, and staying clean as she will participate in more activities with me like going to church, shopping, hair salon, therapy, theatre (all wheel chair accessible in my neighborhood within a 4 block radius) etc. My mother is only taking calcium supplements and stool softeners, but living like an invalid. She is refused humane help to the toilet by the nurse saying she has no trunk control, but the male CNAs are highly capable of sitting her on the toilet and she braces herself on the bar and sink. I represented my self pro se and the Paraisia Winston Gray Esq (court appointed guardian) told my mother she was going to be released to me Monday, August 17, 2015 and then abruptly changed her mind when my sister called her with a POA with a forged signature (substitute Judge insisted that it wasn't forged even though it did not match my mother's birth certificate signature of my birth) and it was dated 2010 notary expiration and supposedly signed by my mother July 7, 2007 after my right-handed mother suffered a severe stroke that left her partially paralyzed on the right side and she has osteoarthritis - that's all - with mild dementia or forgetfulness. Elder Law here will not give you an attorney, but I am still pursuing pro bono lawyers or law school student representation. I have appealed the judges decision to honor my sister's POA that is stopping me from taking my Mom for a drive, visit, or home if my sister does not approve it. Does my mother have to be in front of a Judge to renounce the POA or can she renounce it in front of NH administration? My mother wants desperately to come home with me, but my sister keeps persuading her not to come home with me. My sister put my Mom in a NH after the city closed her building down, October 2014, for building code violation and it's inhabitable with no utilities, dilapidation, and infestation (when I lived their from about 1996 to 2006) My sister continues to say my Mom will be out of the NH but it never happens. She received therapy for a while in the NH, but I don't know how much therapy my sister planned for her after the stroke in about 2005. My sister refuses to get a full-time job so she can provide needed services for my mother and renovate her building to provide even standard living conditions for my Mom as I told the substitute Judge but she ignored me and only observed the POA while refusing to even look at my mother's legitimate signature. NH therapists said my mother has every potential to walk, but my sister said she will never walk again and my Mom has not had therapy for months. A nurse stopped me from taking my mother for a visit after she had approved and signed a pass the CNAs were putting my Mom in the car and she cell phoned them and lied and said my Mom needed medicine but she had called my sister to start a conflict with the POA after I told her the Head Nurse said they did not have one on file and I had the same rights as my sister. My mother was very hurt and disappointed that she could not go on a ride with me. According to the Report of Physician for court
Friday, August 21st my mother is not declared mentally incompetent at this time and she only needs partial guardianship for medical and financial decisions. Rapid weight loss is due to not eating the NH food she does not like according to the Report of Physician. She is so depressed before I come see her. She desperately needs the love of family. I thank God my sister provided for my Mom for 30 years along with her 3 girls and a son who died (settlement was not used to renovate home and care for my mother) in 2000 from over dosage of saline solution when he got sick, but she is stubborn and won't get a 9 to 5 job to support her family after a divorce (never filed for child support to offset my mothers expenses) in the early 90s. If I got my mother to my home it would be HEAVEN as I still feel her overwhelming nurturing and love even though my father divorced her when I was 13.

First, is your mother competent in the legal sense? Has she ever been declared incompetent? That would be required for guardianship. Did the court appoint someone else guardian? If there is no guardian, the court must not be convinced she is incompetent.

If she is competent then she can simply say "I don't want this daughter to be my POA any more. I want to appoint someone else." End of problem.

Why do you want to take your mother home with you? Often that is a bad idea for persons in a nursing home. You don't mention that you can't visit her at the NH. Do you do that frequently? Can you take her down the road for an ice cream cone, if you have her back within the hour? Just what are the restrictions here?

It sounds like you are trying to remove your mother from the NH permanently. Are you? Sneaking her out on the pretext of "visiting" at your home is not likely to be successful.

Did you have a lawyer helping you when you filed for guardianship? Because it sounds like you need a lawyer now. Straighten out the questions of whether Mother is still competent, who has what kind of authority over her care, and who can decide whether nursing home care is appropriate for her. If she is competent, she cannot be held against her will, and a lawyer and take action on the aspect of the case.

Personally, I wonder if your efforts might better be directed to advocating for her care where she is -- at least until legal issues are settled. For example, why did she not get therapy after the stroke? Is she a good candidate for therapy at this time? Pursue that. What does the NH think is causing the rapid weight loss? What are they doing about it? (What would you do about it if you got her to your house?)

Is there any chance of you and Sister working together in your mother's best interest?

In any case, there are legal issues here that you should consult an Elder Law attorney about.