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or does it feel normal to them? Does anyone have any insight as to what it feels like to have dementia and/or be mentally incompetent? Are they in emotional pain, or are they perhaps enjoying their life?
When we were at the neurologist last month, Dad was given the diagnosis of "Alzheimer's type" dementia. Inevitably, the subject of driving arose. My dad insisted that he could still drive, and the doctor explained that it wasn't his driving skills per se; but the memory issues that could contribute to an unsafe situation on the road. Dad still insisted he was fine and could drive. The neurologist gently stated, "The problem is when we don't realize there's a problem."
Lewy Body Dementia is known for its cognitive fluctuations, and I think that most people with that kind of dementia do recognize their impairments during their lucid periods. That isn't necessarily always a positive thing!
In an early lucid period my husband said, "I took good care of my heart all these years for THIS?!! My brothers got to die quickly of a heart attack. I exercised and ate right and saw my doctors and took meds so that I get to lose my mind slowly! I envy my younger brother who died while tying his running shoes."
Not everyone is articulate enough to express this thought, especially after dementia sets in, but I suspect it is a common way of thinking.
My mother has known she is forgetful for several years. Sometimes she says "I'm losing it". She doesn't know how bad it is and that she asks the same question 5 times in a row, every day for months though. And when she doesn't remember a visit to the doctor, etc, she refuses to accept it and denies it. She isn't aware of the strange things she does, to her, they seem normal. If she realizes its worse, she won't admit it and is in denial, big time. She is fighting old age tooth and nail. She refuses help of any sort. She has always had this "ego" thing going that she is more concerned with how "it looks" than she is getting help. She will let my sister and me help her, but no one else.
Whitney, I've always wondered about that, what is going on in the mind of someone who has Dementia/Alzheimer's.... what are they thinking?.... if one of doing something that doesn't make sense to us, does it make sense to them?
My Dad has age related decline at 93, so his mind isn't as sharp as it use to be.... and I found it interesting the other day when he admitted that he's not thinking as quick as he use to, that it must be his age. Heck, it takes me longer to remember names of people, and sometimes it will be at midnight when I do recall a name :P
My boss's wife had Alzheimer's for 15 years, but he had noticed that a few times a day his wife would be *in the moment* where he could ask her a question and she would answer him. It's kinda like the brain is in a loop but that loop is damaged except for a very tiny moment where it is clear.
Too bad there isn't someway we could see what it is to have severe memory loss through the eyes of the person who has that loss.
The other day I was at my mothers (she has moderate dementia) sorting through junk mail and bits of paper (she hides keys, money, bits and pieces amongst the papers, so I check it before tossing it) she repeatedly was putting things that I had sorted in different places (not sure why). The whole thing was confusing me and adding to my anxiety, she noticed that I took a big deep breath and said "you should trying me for a day". I was astounded and realised that she is aware of her condition at times, it made me feel so sad for her.
As far as dementia goes I think they definitely know something is wrong in the early stage. I have no doubt that this awareness is some of the main reasons for the anger and depression so many dementia pts have. It appears that this awareness fades as the disease progresses. As for a mentally incompetent person that's a different story. There are many reasons for mental incompetence. Dementia is just one of the many causes. So to say that a mentally incompetent person is aware that something is wrong is not necessarily accurate, it depends on the cause of the incompetence. An example of another cause of mental incompetence would be psychosis related to schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. In this case most of these folks are unaware that their thinking is off. Hope this helps.
Early in Mom's dementia, she knew something was wrong, probably started in about 2002 or so. She was complaining about forgetfulness. Finally in 2005 she was diagnosed with dementia and became so angry that she called the doctor a quack and stormed out of the office. Now in her late middle or early late stage she is content much of the time but still has those moments. One tonight was her asking if her folks were dead. When she asks that way I answer that they would be 115 years old. She then becomes concerned about whether she went to their funerals. And wonders why she didn't know that. Then comes the gentle talk that her brain just does not remember things the way it used to. Usually she is accepting of it without too much fallout. And one of my sibs when I told her about Mom getting tearful when she just found out her parents were gone, actually diagnosed her witn depression. Sissy does not understand dementia in the least. Sometimes Mom's brain really thinks this is the first time she heard about her parents passing. Such a strange disease.
assandache7, same here even though neither of my parents have dementia, that could easy change in a few months.... I rather be overly prepared then be surprised. Now when my Dad forget things, instead of me getting totally frustrated with him, I only get half frustrated :P
My mother was in the deepest parts of the River Denial possible for 15+ years until she couldn't cover up anymore.
She would not take any help either, even to the point of putting herself in danger. She would rather everyone in the community believe she's a weird old kook than an elderly lady in need of help with the activities of daily living. Her sister is the exact same way. Better to be a shut in than let somebody in town see you with a cane or walker. I don't get it.
I want flames painted on my canes & walkers. My scooters & wheel chairs. I'll carry a bull horn with me to shout "get out of the way! Here comes granny!"
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
In an early lucid period my husband said, "I took good care of my heart all these years for THIS?!! My brothers got to die quickly of a heart attack. I exercised and ate right and saw my doctors and took meds so that I get to lose my mind slowly! I envy my younger brother who died while tying his running shoes."
Not everyone is articulate enough to express this thought, especially after dementia sets in, but I suspect it is a common way of thinking.
My Dad has age related decline at 93, so his mind isn't as sharp as it use to be.... and I found it interesting the other day when he admitted that he's not thinking as quick as he use to, that it must be his age. Heck, it takes me longer to remember names of people, and sometimes it will be at midnight when I do recall a name :P
My boss's wife had Alzheimer's for 15 years, but he had noticed that a few times a day his wife would be *in the moment* where he could ask her a question and she would answer him. It's kinda like the brain is in a loop but that loop is damaged except for a very tiny moment where it is clear.
Too bad there isn't someway we could see what it is to have severe memory loss through the eyes of the person who has that loss.
As for a mentally incompetent person that's a different story. There are many reasons for mental incompetence. Dementia is just one of the many causes. So to say that a mentally incompetent person is aware that something is wrong is not necessarily accurate, it depends on the cause of the incompetence. An example of another cause of mental incompetence would be psychosis related to schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. In this case most of these folks are unaware that their thinking is off. Hope this helps.
She would not take any help either, even to the point of putting herself in danger. She would rather everyone in the community believe she's a weird old kook than an elderly lady in need of help with the activities of daily living.
Her sister is the exact same way. Better to be a shut in than let somebody in town see you with a cane or walker. I don't get it.
I want flames painted on my canes & walkers. My scooters & wheel chairs. I'll carry a bull horn with me to shout "get out of the way! Here comes granny!"
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