My dad remarried at age 80, and has dementia. My aunt is attorney-in-fact, and has medical power of attorney as well. She was also named as the only person other than Dad who could cash his CD. However, he is now in the hospital. His wife has gotten a lawyer to give her medical POA. The CD was changed, unbeknownst to my aunt to payable to the new wife on death. I am unable to get anything other than basic information from the hospital, such as 'he is stable'. My question is whether or not the power of attorney and the medical POA can be changed, or what to do about this situation. My dad was also convinced to buy his wife's daughter a car this year, and I believe his savings are gone, other than the CD. His wife is looking at putting him in a nursing home for the indigent, even though it is within the realm of possibility that he could go home with in-home nursing care. I want him to get the best care possible. What can I do? I appreciate any info. PLEASE help!
Has he been declared incompetent? It is not uncommon for anyone to make changes to a will or other beneficiary type agreements after a wedding. Often marriage is the beginning of a commitment to care for each other.
People who marry at that stage in life are often looking to fill a void or are lonely. Maybe he was always a man who needed a partner, maybe his grown kids were busy with their own lives. Assuming he was competent, he married her, so she deserves the benefit of the doubt. If he was not competent, it should have been challenged when t happened.
If you feel he is being abused you can reach out to APS, however, providing for his new wife is not evidence of abuse. Gifting a car to her daughter, may sound questionable, but maybe she is very attentive to them, drove them around, or he just wanted to kiss up to her.
Note, if dad has CDs he is not indigent and before Medicaid provides assistance he would need to spend his assets on HIS care. If he is already at the point of needing that level of care, I would not spend too much time on who gets the CD....it is a moot point.
If she wants to put him in a home, you cannot force her to care or him at home, as this is a labor of love, which cannot be successfully forced on the unwilling. I assume she is no spring chicken herself. Taking care of an 80 year old with dementia is complicated, they may have even agreed to nursing homes. So, if you believe he can be taken care of at home, I hope you mean at your home, and that you are willing to take that on, it is not something you can volunteer onto his wife.....if you are willing, that may be a conversation you want to have.....at that point you would have a legitimate claim for the money on his behalf.
For his sake, I hope he chose his bride wisely.
I advise you to visit the hospital....all HIPPA aside, if you hang out, see the doctors, be charming, you will get all the info you seek, better yet you will have a first hand opinion. I say this from experience.....chit chatting works. I have never had a doctor ask to see my ID and check a chart before talking to me. A "thank you" box of pastries does wonders at the nurses' station.
Do not approach this with an antagonistic attitude, the new wife may be in the drivers seat right now.
I hope you will be successful in advocating for your father's best interest.
I live in NC and he lives in IL, and while both my aunt (in MD) and I have offered to have him move in with us, he doesn't want to. My aunt does not want to force him, and I don't have that authority. He was already suffering some dementia when he got married, and did not tell anyone about it until he was already married.
My main concern is that he is not indigent, and he did everything right as far as setting up for this eventuality. He should be able to live in a nice assisted living, not the state nursing home. And no, he did not choose his bride wisely. When I visited in September, he told me he wanted a divorce. SO, I will sit back and chuckle if the state comes in and takes everything away, but if I can help him, that is what I want to do. It DOES matter who gets the CD - if it means he gets better nursing care. I don't want him to go home, because it is a bad environment for him. Neither does my aunt, but she wants to know if the new POA transfer voids her POA, either durable or medical. Thanks.
Your clarification shows the situation may in fact be nefarious.
You can take 2 approaches
1. Bite your tongue and try to get friendly with wife and see if you can convince her that Medicaid would take over assets anyway, and that allowing you to take over assets and care would be better for her.....you may have to negotiate.
2. Lawyer up and fight.
I would try 1 and be willing to follow up with 2. 2 will cost you.
Unless a court finds him incompetent the change of POA and MPOA will probably be upheld.
Tough situation, best of luck,
L