Is senior surrendering / handover a thing in the US? Our mother has gone downhill at 90 degrees in the past year. She stopped trying to walk up the stairs in my house house in one state- she moved to another state to live with my sibling in their one level home but began to barely get out of bed once there. She was getting up to go to the restroom/bathe/feed herself but stopped doing this as well. She won’t go to a doctor and refuses to use her SS income to pay for an aide. She says she will deny help if we tried to hire someone to come help. She never transferred her info to the other state so she’s technically not a resident there so they can’t sign her up for help from the state. A doctor told my sibling that they could drop her off at a hospital and they would eventually turn her over to the state.
We obviously don’t want it to come to that but we feel we are at the end of the road. She won’t even try to make it to the restroom anymore and insists on adult diapers. My siblings and their partner have a family and full time jobs and can’t afford to quit to take care of her.
If she were to be taken to the hospital (for help she clearly needs but won’t allow for) via ambulance and then no one picked her up, would they come after my sibling (the point of origin for the emergency pickup) to force them to take her?
Would we be allowed to get in touch with her once the state were to take over? Could we still provide her at least a cellphone for communication?
Ask to talk to a social worker and explain the dilemma. Your family can pursue guardianship for your Mom but it is expensive and will take time. If not, then she will need to become a ward of a court-assigned legal guardian. My family personally had a good experience with this, as the guardians are to act in their wards' best interests. And maintaining contact with family is in her best interests.
As a ward, her legal guardian will immediately block any outside access to her accounts, and will manage all her affairs and make all her decisions for her. They will transition her to a facility of good quality and make an attempt for it to be close to family.
Not sure the guardian will allow an outside cellphone, not sure your Mom would even remember how to use one, or be willing to. This would be a question for the guardian, if it gets to this point.
So start with APS. Update us after the visit with them.