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Is senior surrendering / handover a thing in the US? Our mother has gone downhill at 90 degrees in the past year. She stopped trying to walk up the stairs in my house house in one state- she moved to another state to live with my sibling in their one level home but began to barely get out of bed once there. She was getting up to go to the restroom/bathe/feed herself but stopped doing this as well. She won’t go to a doctor and refuses to use her SS income to pay for an aide. She says she will deny help if we tried to hire someone to come help. She never transferred her info to the other state so she’s technically not a resident there so they can’t sign her up for help from the state. A doctor told my sibling that they could drop her off at a hospital and they would eventually turn her over to the state.
We obviously don’t want it to come to that but we feel we are at the end of the road. She won’t even try to make it to the restroom anymore and insists on adult diapers. My siblings and their partner have a family and full time jobs and can’t afford to quit to take care of her.
If she were to be taken to the hospital (for help she clearly needs but won’t allow for) via ambulance and then no one picked her up, would they come after my sibling (the point of origin for the emergency pickup) to force them to take her?
Would we be allowed to get in touch with her once the state were to take over? Could we still provide her at least a cellphone for communication?

Call 911 and tell them she's lost mobility and possibly has a UTI due to her bizarre decision-making and won't permit you to take her to get help. You need to give the EMTs a medical (not cognitive/dementia) reason for calling them out. Once in the ER you must tell the discharge staff that she is an "unsafe discharge" and no one is her PoA (if this is true). No one should claim to be her caregiver, no one should pick her up to take her back home. Do not take her back home so matter what the hospital promises (like to help you). It's a lie to just get her out of their hospital.

Ask to talk to a social worker and explain the dilemma. Your family can pursue guardianship for your Mom but it is expensive and will take time. If not, then she will need to become a ward of a court-assigned legal guardian. My family personally had a good experience with this, as the guardians are to act in their wards' best interests. And maintaining contact with family is in her best interests.

As a ward, her legal guardian will immediately block any outside access to her accounts, and will manage all her affairs and make all her decisions for her. They will transition her to a facility of good quality and make an attempt for it to be close to family.

Not sure the guardian will allow an outside cellphone, not sure your Mom would even remember how to use one, or be willing to. This would be a question for the guardian, if it gets to this point.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Geaton777
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Start with the sibling calling APS and telling them they cannot care for her. See what options there may be. You already know the most dire options. Once someone is taking into your home it is their home. This serves as warning to those who will take in an undiagnosed and uncooperative senior, sadly.
So start with APS. Update us after the visit with them.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Wow so sad that is happening I know it can be very hard to take care of the elderly but I’ve never known anyone to go to these lengths .. I would contact adult protective services or a state ombudsman to ask what you could do because I know that in most states if not all states here in the US it is a crime to abandon your elderly and is considered abuse .
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Reply to Trixipie
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